The moment was weighted, and he smiled to himself. “When you deviated from the plan and took off to the Oregon coast, I was angry with you. When you crashed your car evading Rahab and injured yourself, I felt concern. I realized at the temple, that the only reason I would have to be angry with you, to feel worry, would be if I cared.”
I swallowed hard but forced myself to meet his eyes despite the deep shame I still felt for my actions back then, at the beginning.
“That still isn’t what I am asking, though.”
“I’m getting there,” he said.
“I’m not used to the long version from you.”
“I, unfortunately, am very used to your never-ending questions.”
I laughed. “Was that a joke?” He smiled, bowing his head to chuckle. My heart melted. Tab smiling was still such a new thing, and it did amazing things for him. It turned him from gorgeous to so breathtakingly beautiful, I had to actually remind myself to actively keep doing it; breathe, that is.
Tab’s smile disappeared and his gaze grew somber and I almost didn’t want to know what it was that slid behind his gray eyes, but then they did something they hadn’t done in a while. They whirled that frightening blue for a moment and he said to me, “When you fearlessly followed me into the front lines at Chernobyl, I knew. Just before the Nephilim drew me through the portal and down into Hell, I realized I needed to tell you, and so I did in the best way I could while still using my extremely limited time to tell you how best to find me – which you did.”
“Yeah, I did, didn’t I?” I smiled in spite of myself and I couldn’t hide the tinge of sadness to it.
Tab, of course, observant as he was, commented, “I know Hell was a trial for you, I still can’t believe you came yourself—”
I snorted. “Of course I’d follow you to Hell. After everything you’d done for me? How could I not? I mean, seriously.”
“So, Hell isn’t it… what’s wrong, then?”
“The Nephilim…” I said and trailed off, swallowing hard.
“Ah.” The light went on behind his eyes and he heaved a deep breath, waiting me out. I was temporarily saved by the arrival of our entrée and waited until our server left the room.
“Stop me if I’m wrong,” I said, defaulting to Tab’s favorite teaching method. He seemed to like to let humans figure things out on their own, and I was no exception. He nodded once for me to go on and didn’t start to eat until I did.
“The Nephilim were the product of angels and humans having intercourse. They were, and are, giants. Monstrous too, if you ask me, but their monstrosity in and of itself was a punishment from God. Right?”
“More or less.”
“God was unhappy with the angels fornicating with the humans, and even after the Nephilim, he punished both sides… like really punished them.”
“True.”
“So, what would happen if we…”
Tab smiled and nodded. “I see your concern and while it is well founded, there are some elements to the story that I do believe were missed when passed on. Oral traditions are quite notorious for leaving out the details.”
“I mean, it was in the bible.”
“True enough, but the stories of the Nephilim were an oral tradition for centuries before anyone thought to record them.”
“Fair enough, so what am I missing?”
“For one… love.”
“Love? But I thought that was the story – the angels fell in love with mortal women, took them as their wives and the Nephilim were born.”
“Not precisely. During the time, a man lying with a woman was enough to make her his wife. Love had very little to do with anything. God was angry with my brethren for fornicating with the mortal women, which held a slightly different connotation than what is does today. The angels lay with the human women, but it was sex without love, which is what angered our Father.”
“A marriage without love and respect isn’t a marriage at all,” I said thoughtfully.
“Precisely.”
“So, by the standards of the day if we—”
“Fear not, Adelaide. If the standards of then were applied to now, you and I would be safe from our Father’s wrath.”
“Because we both love and respect one another.”
“Undoubtedly.”
The rest of the meal passed swiftly; a weight I hadn’t realized I carried lifted from my shoulders. When dessert was done, Tab wiped his mouth with the cloth napkin in his lap and set it to the side of his plate. He rose from his seat and with an elegant bow from a bygone era held out a hand to me. Laughing lightly, I took it and let him draw me to my feet.
I had expected to go back to the bed-and-breakfast the same way we’d arrived, but apparently Tab wasn’t quite ready for the evening to end. He drew me close to him and gaze locked to mine, we swayed. I went along with it, unsure what it was he wanted from me in the beginning, but then the music started and I had to smile. I tucked my body close to his, arms around his neck as his arms twined about my waist, drawing me into him. The plunging backline of the dress, less fashion statement and more to accommodate wings that I would never possess, put his hands in contact with my skin.
I couldn’t help it. My eyes drifted shut as I relished the little touch, my back and arms breaking out in a sweep of gooseflesh. We danced, slowly, like a couple of teenagers in the slow moments of the spring formal, and it was so nice.
I cuddled into him, and he held me sweetly. It felt safe and right. I hadn’t realized the old stories had weighed on me so much… and truthfully, even though I didn’t want children, accidents happened and there was no way I would ever do anything to harm an innocent life. It wasn’t a change from who I’d been before, I had definitive proof that the divine was real. I’d never believed in abortion, but that didn’t mean I’d disbelieved in contraception like condoms or the pill.
I wasn’t a completely awful Catholic, I just didn’t believe in going to church and followed my heart more than doctrine the older I got. Okay, okay, that made me a bad Catholic, but it didn’t make me a bad person.
Tab’s fingertips brushed my cheek, and I startled. I pulled away just enough to look Tab in the eye and he smiled gently.
“You are thinking far too much,” he murmured.
“It’s like I can’t turn it off anymore, you know?”
He looked solemn and nodded, closing his eyes in an attempt to hide the regret from me, but failing pretty miserably at it. “I do,” he said gently. He opened his eyes and our swaying to the hidden music source slowed.
I closed my eyes and tipped my head back slightly as he bowed his head, mouth hovering over mine for a fraction of a second, warm breath fanning my lips before his softly made contact. It was the spark that ignited the fire; the final crack in the dam. I molded myself to him, wrapping my arms tightly around him even as his arms wrapped like iron around my waist.
Even with my eyes closed, the many splendorous lights played out in a kaleidoscope of color against my closed lids, bursting across my limited vision in hues warmed by the love and desire I felt for the man that held me close.
When I opened my eyes, it was to Tab tearing his mouth from mine. He dropped onto the edge of the bed, back in our room at the bed-and-breakfast, the night pressing against the glass of the converted sunroom. His gaze was heavy lidded with passion and I felt my throat tighten with so many emotions, I couldn’t begin to parse them all out, but then again, they were all good and I didn’t have to analyze everything to death, not now, not with Tab.