I curled into my blankets, burrowing myself into their warmth as I drifted off again, hanging in that drowsy place between wakefulness and slumber. The sheets twisted around my legs as unwelcome memories slithered in. My heart pounded as vestiges of my past tried to haunt me, whispering lies into my mind. Visions of hands touching me, pain mixing with blood, and fire consuming my body as I died and became the nothingness my heart had always feared I was flashed through my mind on a reel. I whimpered, and it must have been real, because the next thing I knew, Damien was there.
Shh, Nix. You’re alright. Come back to us, sweetheart, he called, the familiar tenor of my Gargoyle settling the turmoil of racing nightmares. I opened my eyes and sucked in a deep breath.
“That’s it, Nix,” Theo cooed gently, his hesitation clear as he touched my arm, reminding me that I was in bed with him. His palm only settled heavier once he realized I wasn’t going to pull away, scream, or ball in on myself—all reactions I’d had since we’d left our lives in Anchorage behind. I missed their house, the familiar rooms, the comforting scents. Ever since we’d fled, life had been foreign and frightening. “You’re safe,” my sweet Kraken soothed, his thumb lightly brushing my bicep over the fabric of my sleep shirt.
“You okay?” Killian asked gruffly, shuffling to the end of my bunk, looking thoroughly bed rumpled. His hair had grown a little longer and was currently stuck up in a shaggy disarray of red spikes as he rubbed the sleep from his eyes.
“Yeah.” I swallowed past my dry throat, and before I even had to ask, Hiro had slipped lithely from his top bunk and padded off, returning only seconds later with a cup of water.
“Here you go.” He held it out, and I sat up in bed, wrapping my fingers around the chilled glass. The cold water was like a balm for my parched mouth, and I offered him a wobbly smile behind the rim as I tried to ground myself in reality, fighting to regain the happiness from my dream with Joshua.
“This keeps happening,” Theo noted behind me, and I peeked over at him, a sheepish expression blooming across my face. It had been his turn to share my bed, and here I was ruining it.
“I’m sorry,” I murmured with a wince, but he didn’t accept the apology. Theo cupped my cheek with his hand and turned my face in his direction.
“Don’t apologize. I only wish you weren’t struggling. If there was anything I could do to make you more comfortable, to take the nightmares away, I would.”
“I know.” I placed my palm over the back of his hand and leaned into his hold. “But you already do so much for me. Just having you here helps.”
“It’s all this moving around. We’re never in one place long enough for you to get comfortable and grow used to your environment,” Ryder murmured with a sigh, dangling his legs off the bunk he was sharing with Hiro.
The newest compound we’d taken up residence in was an abandoned resort surrounded by rows of individual cabins that climbed up the mountainside. Unfortunately, quarters were still tight, and until everyone could be sorted, we’d volunteered to take one of the smaller rooms in the hotel, sacrificing creature comforts to help conserve space for others. Every day, more and more shifters joined the rebellion. The news of my fiery attack against the Council acted as a catalyst that spurred others to finally pick up and leave the evil regime they’d lived under, hoping for a better life outside the unfair class systems and the wards they’d been shielded behind.
“I’m fine. Really.” I broke eye contact with Theo and fidgeted with the sheet. Sharing a room with the guys didn’t allow me to hide any of my reactions, and while I loved getting time with them every evening—especially with how busy we’d all been integrating into the rebellion—it was tough when privacy was lacking. Instead, they had front row tickets to see all my thoughts and feelings, the good, the bad, and the ugly.
The truth was, nothing was fine. Nothing was normal. Your average college student didn’t have to deal with corrupt governments full of powerful shifters, losing loved ones, joining a rebellion, and dealing with a brewing war that promised nothing but more pain and death. Sometimes, I wished the biggest thing I had to worry about was my classwork and what to wear to the next college party, but that wasn’t my life and I’d come to terms with it. In my heart of hearts, I knew the rebellion was where I was meant to be. Taking down those who abused their power over others had always been part of my life’s goal, I was just going about it in a different, unexpected way.
But there was no questioning that the Council deserved to die, and I was happy to be a rebel fortifying the movement against their rule. I wanted to watch them burn for what they’d done to Damien’s family, to those on the island, and to countless other shifters, animals, and mythologicals alike—and to me as well.
Shaking off my thoughts, I tuned into the conversation the guys were having around me.
“I don’t understand why we can’t just push the bunks together. It would give us more opportunities to snuggle with Nix. Seriously, what’s the problem?” Ryder had hopped down and was arguing with Theo over the logistics of rearranging our tiny space.
“It will block the door, Ryder. We wouldn’t be able to get in and out of the room comfortably, let alone safely,” Theo explained, and from the exasperated expression he wore, I had a feeling this wasn’t the first—or even the fourth—time he’d made this point.
“It’s easy.” Ryder moved, pantomiming the way we’d enter and leave the room. “You just crawl past the headboard, and then tuck and roll through the doorway.” He executed a perfect somersault into the small living space beyond that housed nothing more than a short, counter cabinet combo with a sink and a microwave, a table big enough for two, three if you squeezed, a door that led to the small bathroom, and a loveseat. In some ways, the living setup reminded me of the college dorms, though those hadn’t taken into account six people sharing a single bathroom.
This particular headquarters was the third one we’d been to in our time with the rebellion, and it was by far the nicest. With the snow piling up to levels I’d only ever imagined, it was incredible to have a place with working heat and plumbing, though my Phoenix often gave rooms an extra little boost of warmth to ensure our mates were comfortable, knowing they’d never complain about the chill. We all had our part to play, and any small task I could help with, I did.
“I am not climbing over shit to get in and out of this room,” Killian grumbled, crossing his arms as he shook his head at a nimble Ry, who stood fluidly and bowed at the waist, gymnastics maneuver complete.
“Twilight Sparkle,” I called, giving him a sweet smile, and when he caught my gaze, he shot me a wink. Deep down, I knew his antics were to distract me and help me feel better, and it was working. “I appreciate that you want all of us to be closer, but I agree with Kill. Can you imagine him trying to crawl through this tiny space?” I waved a hand at the limited real estate that existed between the headboard and the top bunk, biting back a giggle at the visual of Killian trying to squeeze his large frame through it.
“Abra can just shift and hop over. I don’t see the problem.” Ryder raised his eyebrows and innocently glanced back and forth between Kill and me, waiting for us to approve his ridiculous plan.