After several seconds pass, Jasik tosses a glance back at Holland and says, probably more forcefully than intended, “Someone say something.”
“I think the side effect of the witches’ black magic is starting to affect Ava,” Holland says bluntly.
I shoot him a look of utter betrayal, but I can’t be angry with him. He said what I should have. These were my secrets to bare, and I should have confided the truth in Jasik. After everything we have been through, my sire deserved that.
Jasik frowns. “Is this true?”
He wants to hear it from me, so I mentally prepare myself to speak the truth. I nod, throat clenching. Once again, it is hard to speak. Whenever I think about my situation, I can’t see straight. My vision blurs, my mind races, my heart screams in my head. My hands get clammy, my legs grow weak, and everything just hurts.
Never have I ever been this terrified.
But I am not worried about the others finding out. I am just scared. I am petrified of what lies ahead, and I know every day I wake, I am one step closer to the unknown. Soon, I will rise, but it will not be me. The evil thing that bears my face will walk like me and talk like me and even look like me, but it will not be me. Without my sanity, only madness will remain.
I will be silenced by the darkness, forced to watch as it gains control of this body and my mind. From the sidelines, I will bear witness to the terrible deeds committed by my own hand, even though it will be without my consent. This darkness is an intruder, and it wants nothing more than to find its way inside my very heart, to see what lies there and to find a way to tear it apart.
“Will you show me?” Jasik asks, his voice soft. Everything about him is comforting, from the way he looks at me to the sound of his voice. But these words lash out, striking me down.
I squeeze my eyes shut, pretending I did not hear his request. The thought of letting him see the atrocity my body has become makes me feel ill. A slop of bile works its way into my throat, and this time, I cannot push it down. With my hand over my throat, I run. I escape into the adjoining sitting room, throwing open the door to a half bath positioned directly under the stairs that lead to the second floor. The moment I reach the toilet, I expel everything I can, hoping the darkness inside of me will take the opportunity to leave as well, even though I know that to be a futile dream.
When I am finished, I sit back on my knees, resting my bottom against my heels and my hands on the toilet seat. While heaving, I was squeezing my eyes shut so hard, tears now drip steadily down my cheeks. I pat them away with my sweater and wipe my mouth with the back of my hand.
I hear the door creak behind me, and the heavy footfalls of someone entering the bathroom echoes all around me, but I do not open my eyes. I can’t bear to see his face right now. The floor creaks under weight, and I do not have to look to know Jasik is here, watching, waiting.
Finally, after I have summoned the strength to look at him, I open my eyes and suck in a sharp, sour breath. Thankfully, I did not miss the toilet bowl, but the contents inside are enough to make me scream.
And I do. I release everything I have. I am angry that this is my reality, pained that I have become a burden the vampires must protect, and terrified of what will come next.
Because the bile coating the toilet bowl is not only thick and black like sticky tar, but it moves, coming to life as it swirls around the bowl, mixing with the cold water in its depths.
Jasik walks over and crouches beside me. He uses his fingertips to loosen the wet strands of hair that cling to my forehead before tucking them behind my ear. He smiles at me, whispering my name. His love for me reaches his eyes, and I lean against him.
After a long silence, Jasik reaches over me and flushes the toilet. We both watch as the substance I expelled from my body is sucked down the pipes, cast out of the manor with one quick thrust. If only every problem could be alleviated so easily.
We remain silent, unmoving, staring at the now-white toilet bowl, even when the floor creaks again and again as the vampires linger to witness my curse.
Chapter Three
I am standing on the front porch. The manor is dark, the air cold. With each exhalation, I see my breath as lacy puffs of steam that cloud my vision. My nightgown blows in the breeze as a bitter chill works its way up my legs. The wind grabs hold of me, an icy burst that settles deep in my bones.
I know I am not alone.
Staring at the front door, I shiver at the realization. I wrap my arms around myself in my fruitless attempt to soothe my nerves. I rub my bare arms as I peer over my shoulder, terrified of what—or who—I might find. At first glance, there is nothing there, but quickly, my vision adjusts, revealing my deepest fears.
The woods surround me. The trees loom overhead, casting shadows that move as the wind blows. The nightmarish creatures that dance among the shadows laugh at my pain and my fear. They know the secrets hidden in the night. They know I am not alone.
I am shaking so viciously I teeter back and forth on my heels. My feet are bare, my toes frozen. My hair is loose around my shoulders, and every time it sways in the breeze, it tickles my skin.
Squinting, I search the forest, desperate to confirm my suspicions, even though that seems like a far worse situation to be in. There is a difference between believing you are not alone and knowing you are not alone. That startling truth feels like the tip of a blade that teases a throbbing vein. The difference is life and death.
I see nothing unusual at first, so I tear my vision from the forest and look for the gargoyle. I used to greet him daily with a pat atop his smooth stone head, but I rarely leave the manor now. I think hard, but I do not remember the last time I sat beside him, I cannot even remember the last time I crossed the threshold from the vampires’ world into the witches’. I suppose it was the night I returned home, after the bloodshed, after the spell, after the curse that condemned me to this hellish existence.
Once again, I feel eyes on me, a gaze that penetrates deep inside, as if my stalker can see straight into my soul. That thought terrifies me because I am forced to acknowledge the truth. If he can see into my soul, does he recognize the evil that now resides there? Does he know it is not me?
This foreign entity that consumes my life is nothing but an intruder. Even as I internally justify its presence, I know whoever lurks within the shadows does not care. Very few who stalk the night care about those who can walk in the sunshine.
In a rare moment of strength, I take a step forward, allowing my toes to dangle over the edge of the top stair. Facing the woods, my courage dwindles steadily. I pump my hands at my sides, trying to keep away the chill while also reminding myself that I am safe. I am only footsteps away from the vampires inside.
But a thought occurs to me. How did I get here? I do not remember how I got outside or when I left my bed. I am desperate to return to those sheets, where I should be slumbering just like the other vampires.
I consider shouting, yelling for Jasik, but something stops me. A set of irises glow in the darkness. They are bold, striking, and crimson in color. I gasp, stumbling backward, falling against the door. The doorknob jabs me in the back, and my kidneys protest the assault. A throbbing pain shoots through my core, and I wince, sucking in a sharp, cold breath.
I do not turn my back on the monster before me, even when his eyes grow larger as he stalks closer. With my arms behind my back, I twist at the doorknob, but it does not budge. Again, I twist it, almost losing my grip from my too-slick hands. The icy air sends constant shudders down my spine, yet my skin is moist from perspiration, from my fear of becoming food for the very creatures I fear.