“Yeah? I’m so sick of you telling me I wouldn’t understand. Try me.”
“I have tried you. Aaron’s not dead.”
“Stop it.” Reese’s voice hit Quinn hard and heavy as a concrete brick to the head, cutting her off. “Just stop! You need to understand that he is not coming back.” Her fists balled at her side. Tears coursed down her cheeks as she locked on Quinn. “I watched him die, not you, don’t you understand? You think I don’t feel the guilt, too? I know you think it’s your fault, but it’s not. It was an accident. You’re not the only one who lost someone that day. We all loved Aaron. Me, Marcus—the pain doesn’t belong to you alone.” Reese folded her arms across her chest. “It was an accident, a horrible accident, and now we all have to pick up the pieces and try to move on.”
True, she wasn’t alone in missing Aaron, wasn’t alone in losing him either, but an accident? No. She had jumped into the raging river, not fallen. A part of her sought to die that night.
“Of course, it’s my fault!” Quinn snapped a twig in half with the heel of her boot. “I’m sick of everyone dancing around me as if I’m a fragile piece of porcelain. He jumped in to save me. He’s terrified of the water, Reese, and he jumped in anyway. There’s nobody to blame but me.”
Pinching the bridge of her nose, Quinn swallowed the emotions that threatened to break her. Confession is good for the soul. Spit it out. Tell her you didn’t fall, that you jumped, that you put them all in jeopardy that night. You and you alone. She squeezed her lip between her teeth until she tasted blood. Voicing the blame that was eating her alive, sharing the secret, would be a relief. But what if Reese hated her for it? What little courage Quinn had mustered left her, and she swallowed the truth that settled on the tip of her tongue.
“You want me to stop treating you like you’re fragile? You want the truth?” Reese took a step forward, knuckles white, face flushed. “You want to hear how Aaron insisted Marcus take you first? How I watched Aaron let go of the branch he was holding onto while Marcus struggled to drag your lifeless body back to shore?”
Quinn turned away and covered her ears. Twin waterfalls of tears ran down her neck, soaking her T-shirt.
“How helpless I felt watching the current drag Aaron’s body under? I thought I was going to lose all of you, everyone I loved, in the depths of this goddamn river.” Reese picked up a giant rock and hurled it to the riverbed.
Marcus, Reese, Jenna—all had kept the gory details from her for weeks, feeding her bits and pieces but never the whole story, and part of her was glad to be spared. Now Reese granted her no reprieve.
“You weren’t awake to hear Marcus screaming his name.” Another rock hit the water with a smack. “You didn’t hold your breath every time Marcus dived under the water, or comfort him while his heart broke into a million pieces because he had failed his best friend. I did.” Reese poked her own chest with a finger. “I witnessed it all while you lay half-dead on the muddy bank. Do you have any idea how freaking scared I was?”
Each word pricked like a wasp sting. Throat tight and aching, Quinn thought of Marcus pulling her to safety as the boy she’d spurned suffered in the cold water alone.
“Aaron traded his life for yours. He knew he wouldn’t make it back to shore. Don’t you get that? Did you even know that Marcus won’t go back into the pool because he feels so responsible? No, you wouldn’t, because you haven’t asked about any of it, how any of us feel. You’re too wrapped up in yourself to care.”
“I didn’t know. I’m sorry. Why didn’t you tell me?” Quinn wanted to wrap her arms around her friend, wanted to take the pain from her, but the anger in Reese’s face stopped her cold. “Of course, I care. Do you really think I don’t understand what he did for me that night, what you all did?”
“No, I really don’t.” Reese folded her arms over her chest. “You think you feel bad? What about me? And Marcus? We should be mourning together instead of pushing each other away. Stop pushing me away. You might not need me, but I sure as hell need you right now.” Reese’s hand trembled as she wiped the evidence of her emotions from her cheek. “You didn’t die with him, Quinn, but some days it feels like you did.”
Silence, awkward and oppressive filled the air. Quinn reached for her best friend, but Reese swatted her away. Without another word, she disappeared back down the path, not even turning around when Quinn called her name.
“There you are. I was starting to worry.”
Quinn winced and turned. Her mother leaned against the kitchen doorframe. Jeans and a white T-shirt replaced her usual business suit, her blond hair tied back in a rare casual ponytail.
“I thought you had a meeting tonight.”
“I’ve been home for hours. I sent you a text.” Ever since she’d been released from the hospital, her mom had spent more nights at home and fewer at her office. A few months ago, Quinn would have relished having more time with her mother, but not now. Now, having her mother around meant more lies and more hiding.
Quinn slipped her phone from her pocket. Three texts from her mom, all unread. Oops.
“Sorry. It was on silent.” Quinn hoped her mother would drop it, but no such luck.
“Where were you? I was so worried.”
If her mother had known she’d been down at the river, she would flip. One more little lie wasn’t going to hurt anything.
“Shopping with Reese. She wanted to buy a new outfit for her date with Marcus this weekend.” Quinn pushed a smile to her lips and hoped her mom would buy it.
“I’m so glad to see you out of the house and spending time with your friends.” Her mother smiled back. “Did you find anything?”
“Not really.” Quinn shrugged
“Well, at least you’re getting out again. Are you hungry?”
Quinn didn’t have a chance to say no before her mom draped an arm around her shoulder and steered her into the kitchen.
“I ordered pizza for dinner.”
Quinn sat down at the bar, and her mother slid a slice of pizza in front of her. She picked a chunk of ham from the cheese and dangled it between her fingers.
“Now that you’re feeling better, getting out more, maybe we should talk about school.” Quinn choked on a bit of stringy cheese and glared at her mom. Great. First Reese, now Mom, a relentless alliance forcing her back into a life she didn’t want anymore.
“You’ve been through a lot, I get that. I’ve been patient, but I think it’s time to start putting all this behind you and get back to normal.” Her mother took a pre-made salad from the fridge and drizzled a small amount of dressing on the top. Enough for a rabbit to eat.
“I’ve decided to get my GED.” Quinn wasn’t going back, but convincing her mother wasn’t going to be easy. “There are online classes I can take, and I’ll be ready for the test by summer. I’ll even pay for it myself.”
Quinn’s mom sighed and shook her head. “I know it’s been hard on you, sweetie, but locking yourself away in this house isn’t the answer. It’s past time you got back to a routine, to friends and cheerleading. I’m sure Aaron wouldn’t want you to miss your senior year. I won’t agree to the GED.”