“If you try to force his hand, he’ll leave us,” Jai said, and agony flashed over Gideon’s face. Riley leaving had hurt them all; even Gideon was not immune. Jai swallowed his doubt and reservations and infused his voice with as much confidence as he could. “We share him, or we lose him, Gid.”
Reeling back like Jai had hit him, Gideon bared his teeth. “Don’t you dare put this on me. He left because of this. Because you and Noel couldn’t control yourselves.”
Hot shame burned through Jai’s chest. “Yes. There was a misunderstanding, and I lost my temper. I left. Noel followed. To try and protect us, Riley went to the Council. Because that’s what he does. He’ll sacrifice his own happiness to keep us together.” Jai leveled Gideon with a somber stare. “And he will do it again. If we argue over him or in any way insinuate that he’s coming between us, he’ll leave. If we push him away or encourage him to pursue other options, he’ll leave. If we force him to choose between us, he will leave us.”
“How can you ask this of me? Of him?” Gideon scrubbed his face with a dirty palm. “It isn’t natural.”
“Why? Out of all the things the Maker created, love was the most important, the most liberating, the most fulfilling. We’re the ones that bound it, packed it up in boxes and trimmed the edges. We, angels and humans alike, tainted it.” Chest heaving, Jai dug his fists into his hips. “So what if it isn’t deemed normal? If it makes us happy, then that’s all that matters.”
A long silence stretched between them, and Jai clacked his tongue piercing against his bottom teeth. He gave Gideon the time he needed to process. This wasn’t something to consider flippantly. The last thing they needed was to rush into something like this and risk destroying it before it ever had a chance to grow.
“I can’t give him what he wants.” Gideon’s confession drifted soft as a whisper through the air, and he slumped against what was left of the breakfast bar. “He’s male. And I’m… me. How can I consider this when I can’t offer him what he needs?”
Cautiously, Jai traversed the rubble separating them and rested a hand on Gideon’s shoulder once again. “You are what he needs. The rest doesn’t matter. You can love him, Gid, even if you don’t want him. Noel and I want him enough to make up for it, I’m sure.” Jai stared at his dusty work boots, feeling all sorts of awkward. “Loving him doesn’t change who you are or make you something you’re not. It just means you love the person he is, the soul inside of him, regardless of the body he came in. And that, brother, is a very rare and spectacular gift.”
Gideon was the mature one, the counselor and advice-giver. Yet he lifted lost eyes and gazed at Jai like the Secondary held all the answers to the universe. It terrified Jai to his core, but he simply tightened his grip on his Prime’s shoulder and offered a strained smile.
“Riley is one of the most selfless, understanding beings I’ve ever met, and he would never ask anything of you that you weren’t willing to give. You don’t have to be attracted to him or be in a physical relationship with him. But you can love him and let him love you back in whatever way he does. And that doesn’t make you any less of the Gideon we know you to be.”
“I have no interest in sex,” Gideon blurted as his face turned red, and Jai grimaced. “With males or females. I’m broken, Jairus. I can’t… I have nothing to offer him.”
“For Trinity’s sake, Gid. Have you met Riley? You think sex is the most important part of a relationship in his eyes? Hellfire, we could all tell him that we wanted to spend the rest of our existence as monks, and he’d sign an abstinence contract.” Jai rolled his head around his shoulders, cracking his neck. “This is awkward as fuck, so I’m just gonna say this so that we never have to talk about this again.
“You’re not broken because you don’t wanna fuck people. There’s nothing wrong with being asexual. It doesn’t make you deficient or unnatural or less. Sex is not the defining element to a healthy relationship. At least, I don’t think it is. I don’t have much experience in relationships, but it’s more than smooshing dicks.”
Gideon blanched, and Jai tugged on his sweaty fauxhawk. “Do you love him, Gid?”
Jai waited as Gideon struggled for an answer. “I… I don’t know.”
Nodding, Jai blew a heavy breath through pursed lips. “It’s okay not to know. I’m still coming to grips with the reality of sharing him with Noel, with you. It’s not gonna be easy, but we can’t pursue this unless we’re all on board. We can’t offer this to Riley unless we’re sure.”
“Because this would be it, wouldn’t it?” Gideon scrutinized the jagged edges of the door-sized hole in the wall. “Just the four of us.”
Jai nodded once. “Yes. We would be committed to Riley, and he would be committed to us, with the understanding that we share him, all of him.”
“I never knew you to share your things easily.”
Jai rolled his eyes at the petty jab. “There will be parts that suck. But if my options are losing him or sharing him, I’m going to share him. And even if, by some miracle, he chose me, how could I do that to Noel or to you? How could I ever be happy robbing my family of what completes them?
“We are in this life together. We always have been.” Jai kicked at Gideon’s shin with a wry grin. “Why would that change now?”
Raking a hand through blond waves, Gideon chuffed a mirthless laugh. His hair was longer than it had ever been, the ends curling around his ears and teasing the back of his neck. He looked younger, softer somehow when he let his hair grow long. Riley had mentioned once how he liked Gideon’s hair longer. And here was Gideon, letting it grow out.
A chuckle huffed from Jai’s chest. Gideon never stood a chance. Poor bastard.
“I don’t know about any of this, Jai. It feels… wrong.”
“Because we’d be sharing him?”
Gideon shrugged.
“Because he’s young?” Jai prodded.
The Archangel splayed his hands.
“Because he’s male?”
“How about all of the above?” Gideon tugged on his ear, blushing furiously.
Jai couldn’t truly understand Gideon’s inner battle, not really. Jai knew he was bisexual almost as long as he’d existed. It hadn’t really been a shock. It hadn’t caused any type of identity crisis. But it wasn’t the same for Gideon. Maybe the Archangel had never cared much for females, but he’d definitely never been into males. Loving Riley called into question everything Gideon knew about himself.
“How about we just take it one day at a time?” Jai suggested, scratching his bare chest. “This kind of thing isn’t a one-time decision and then smooth sailing. It’s gonna take time and patience. Trial and error. We’re gonna fuck it up.”
“That’s a given,” Gideon muttered.
Jai let him have that one. “But as long as we stick together and choose family above everything else, we’ll figure it out. You and Riley will figure it out.”
After another long silence, Gideon huffed. “I don’t know.”