The cavity around my heart tightened. Not wanting to deal with that just yet, I stared at her for another reason. “You’re solid,” I said in confusion. She was definitely solid. Flesh and blood and those little capillary things. “But you kind of glow.” The glow was soft. Ethereal. Almost angelic. But just barely there. Not enough so anyone would notice outright.
She whirled back to me, her ivory dress floating around her. “I knew you’d be powerful, Defiance, but I had no idea you’d be capable of something like this.” She looked down, gesturing to herself. “You brought me out of the veil.”
“Yes, but you’re solid,” I repeated.
A sad smile spread across her face. “As the day I died.” She held out her hand. To show me, I guessed.
I pretended not to see it and stepped to her potter’s bench to examine a bottle of seeds.
An adorable brown mouse peeked out from behind it.
Surprise wrenched a yelp from my throat. Retreating, I bumped into one of her shelves.
Glass jars wobbled and clinked together in a crystalline chime before settling back down.
Annoyed with myself, I clenched my teeth. I needed to get a grip. To focus. I was here for a reason, and it was not to kiss and make up with my formerly dead, and maybe still dead, but solid grandmother.
A single vine slid up the shelves beside me and eased into my palm. The calm that followed was both welcome and reassuring.
Ruthie’s expression morphed from dejection to irritation. She entered a stare down with the vine. “I’m only letting you stay for our granddaughter, Percy.” Then she broke her glare and glanced up at me. “He’s not normally allowed in my arts and crafts room.” Her ire didn’t last long. Wrapped in a silver glow that matched her hair, translucent and luminous, Ruthie smiled at me. “You did this, Defiance. Never in all of my years on this Earth have I even heard of someone being lifted out of the afterlife. It’s a miracle.” She spun in a circle like a princess whirling around a dance floor.
I smiled despite myself. She was delightful. For a mass murderer.
“You did this,” she repeated.
“Yes, and then I fell asleep for six months. Some witch I turned out to be.”
“No.” She started forward but held herself back. “It’s only because it’s all so new, sweetheart.”
“I did stuff as a kid and was fine. Look at Roane.” I’d been asked to find a missing boy—who’d turned out to be Roane. Kind of. The real boy had already been killed by his father and buried, so when I’d sent out my magics to find him, I’d accidentally transformed a trapped and injured wolf pup into the boy. And the rest, as they say . . .
“And then you slept for three days.”
Surprised, I gave her my full attention. “I did?”
“I’ve had a lot of time to think about all of this. I remembered you being exhausted after a spell, but you were a child. It was expected. Then I remembered on three separate occasions, after particularly taxing spells, you fell asleep for days.”
“Days is a lot shorter than months. How was I stronger as a kid than I am as an adult?”
“That’s not the case at all.” She sat on a stool at the table and opened another book. “For one thing, your magics are even more powerful now. You should’ve grown with them. Into them. Not have them thrust upon you out of the blue. I didn’t realize what that would do to you.”
“It’s not your fault, Ruthie.” And that wasn’t. It was the other stuff . . .
She stilled for a moment, the slightest wince crossing her face as though I’d hurt her. It had meant a lot to her, before, when I’d called her Grandma and then finally Gigi. But either way, she was simply Ruthie at the moment. Delightful and elegant and strong but still Ruthie.
Like maybe she understood that, she recovered with a quick shake of her silver bob. “I think thrusting this upon you was like putting a bomb into a steel box to let it explode safely.”
Not quite following, I frowned at her.
“If the metal isn’t properly conditioned, the bomb will destroy the box regardless. The steel has to be heated, forged in fire, to be able to withstand the immense pressure of the explosion. I think that’s what happened to you. You haven’t been properly conditioned, and we just tossed all that power into you with no fortification and no release valve.”
“Maybe that explains why I’ve never done well under pressure.” My joke fell flat.
She stood and rounded the table. “But you didn’t explode. The magics didn’t destroy you. They nourished you. They shaped you. Just like the fires of a blacksmith, they made you stronger.”
Percy squeezed my hand with the vines as though he agreed.
Ruthie studied me. “I can feel it emanating out of you. You’re like a huge ball of energy seeking an outlet, and—”
“You’re wrong.”
Her gaze returned to mine. “I’m wrong?”
“Yes. You’re wrong.” I pulled my hand away from Percy’s embrace. Lying to her would be harder than lying to Annette. “They’re gone.”
Her forehead creased. “What are gone, sweetheart?”
I bit down, then lifted my chin and charged forward. “My powers. I don’t have them anymore.”
She laughed in disbelief. “Defiance, I can feel them from here.”
Of course she could. She saw things Nette didn’t. “I don’t know what you’re feeling, but it’s not my powers. They’re gone.” Was there a way to hide them from her? I’d have to look into that.
“No.” She shook her head, confused. “No, they can’t be gone. You’d be dead.”
“I don’t know what to tell you.” I lifted a hapless shoulder. “They took the midnight train going anywhere. Thus, there’s no reason for me to stay.” And so many for me to go. I saw what my words did to her, the distress they caused, yet still I pressed forward, like the cold-hearted bitch I’d never been. But it had to done. “I’m moving back to Arizona as soon as I can.”
She gaped at me. “But . . . but your dads are here.” Her expression almost broke my resolve. “And Annette. And . . . and Roane.”
“I’ll tell them tonight,” I said.
“You just need to practice. To get stronger.” She lowered her voice. “They will come for you.”
“Oh, right. The big bad wolf.”
“No, he’s next door,” she said, only half teasing.
“Let them.”
“Defiance, you must take this seriously. The most we did by dispersing your aura was buy you some time. You must be ready.” Her voice cracked, and she turned away again.
I fought the sting at the backs of my eyes. “I’ll be gone by the end of the week. But first, I would like an explanation.”
She settled back onto the stool and kept her gaze downcast. “I suppose you’d like the whole story.”
My stomach flip-flopped. I reached down, let a vine wrap around my wrist, tangle into my fingers, and braced myself. “I would like the whys and wherefores, yes.”
Ruthie nodded. “Do you remember the video I showed you of you finding Roane when you were three?”