A very pretty little rat to be coming all the way down to the Shade. How did you find us? Who told you of us? Did she come from Silver Terrace? Could she see the Spire, from where she came? I think so too; she has the smell of the towers all over her. But how did she learn about us? They don’t talk about us in the high city, do they, Sweetness? They may think about us, they may even visit us, but they don’t talk about us. Do you remember the one who came with last month’s moon, wearing that heavy black cloak and the hundred-talent dress beneath? Took her diamonds off but not her powders. She wanted to know how to keep her man, and I’ll spit in the soup right now if he wasn’t at least a potentate. They all know about my Sweetness, yes, they do.
Hee-haw! Hee-haw! In the alley? With their scarves? With their crystals? With their cozies and their porcelain? Hee-haw! Hee-haw! Funny little things. Silly little things! Like the children who play on the beach, wetting their toes and running from the waves as they crash. Not us. Not me. Swam past the breakers, I did. Drank a belly’s worth of brine. Will die drowned, will lie at the bottom to be nibbled by the fishes, to rest with Sweetness and others that live there.
She is sure she does not want any soup? Flavored with cuttlefish ink, and other things. We make it very tasty, we do. We both agree on that.
If she does not want soup then what does she want? She wants an answer? Ask the question, then, ask the question! Hee-haw! Hee-haw! Do you see her? She expected more! She thinks that we are like those girls in the alley, with their dice and their cards! She expects a show! Do not be so rude, Sweetness, she does not know any better. But there is no show to be found in the Shade; only Sweetness, and the things Sweetness knows.
Well, then; let us see it.
* * *
Never met her.
So impatient! I agree, Sweetness, she does not deserve anything, not when she cannot wait a moment for an old woman to speak. Too kind, but lover’s eyes tell only lies! Skin like broken glass, and more gum than teeth! At least I’ve kept my figure. But then, I only eat what goes in the bowl.
I said that I did not know. Sweetness might. Sweetness knows many things, but he does not tell them all, do you, Sweetness? And a good thing for us! They come for truth, but they do not want it, do they, Sweetness? No, they do not.
What would she give for an answer? I gave the second finger down to the knuckle, and the left eye and its stem, and the flap of skin which was between my legs, gave and not taken gently. Sweetness remembers, Sweetness has not forgotten.
But we were not talking about me, Sweetness, we were talking about her. What would she give? Would she give the very tip of her tongue, to make her sweet voice stutter? Would she give the nub of her nipple, and rob some future babe of suck? Would she bring us something for the bowl? So many sad things in this city, so many things that would be better in the bowl. But still they struggle. All things struggle, don’t they, Sweetness?
The rat is scared again! Perhaps the rat is not so brave as we thought she was, Sweetness, so brave or so hungry! What did she think, that knowledge was worth nothing? That she could get it for free?
She should go away. Yes, I know we said we would help her, Sweetness, but what can we do if she is not willing to pay, Sweetness? They are not our rules, Sweetness, we did not make them and we cannot change them. If you wish a thing you must give a thing. And she is not a brave rat after all, she is just a foolish, fat little girl. She should go back to wherever she was before she came here. Because she does not want to know! Not really, not enough.
What does it matter to her anyway? Who cares about the face in the locket? I do not care and neither does Sweetness. And she does not care very much either, if she will not even offer us a little something for the bowl. Just a cut! Just a snippet!
* * *
Hee-haw! Hee-haw! We are surprised, aren’t we, Sweetness! Even an old woman can be surprised! Old but not so ancient as that! She should not worry, a quick nip and then into the bowl. I will burn it after, so it does not rot.
* * *
Hee-haw! Hee-haw! A hard little rat, a hard little rat! Didn’t scream at the chop, did she, Sweetness! Into the bowl, into the bowl. The knife is the easy part, though; the knife is not near so bad as the cauter.
* * *
There now, all done. Just a little thing, barely notice unless you play the long harp. A tough little rat you are, a brave little rat. No, Sweetness, be fair now, they all scream at the burn. We take back what we said—she is a hungry thing, she wants to be fed. I think she is as hungry a thing as we have ever seen.
Well! A bargain struck, a bargain honored. Sweetness says that if she wishes to find what she is looking for, she should head down to the spray and follow the current until the moon is straight above her, then turn inland until the stench becomes too high to stand. Where the city dumps the things that they do not want or think to forget, she will find the wreck of an old trolley with something very nasty written on it. She should sleep there, or try to sleep, until she is woken by the sun. Scuttling along the road the next morning she will see a man wearing blue, and she should follow him until he has gone where he is going.
Yes, that is what she should do.
Hee-haw! Hee-haw! She wants more than an answer! She wants the why of it! We do not know the why, even Sweetness does not know the why! Even that sad fool atop the Spire does not know the why! If there is a why. But we think there probably isn’t, we think it just is.
She can stay if she wishes, she does not need to leave. We like a bit of company. Not that it gets lonely, never lonely, not with Sweetness here. We have such fun, the two of us! She is sure she will not stay a bit? Rock some on the wobbler? Have a bit of the soup she has made?
Hee-haw! Hee-haw! Goodbye, little rat! Starved for answers, but she will have her fill before long! Hee-haw! Hee-haw! Hee-haw!
(8): The Half
11:47 PM
Mine! Mine! Not yours, mine! From the rusted trolley to the edge of the ducts, bought and paid for. Mine in perpetuity, mine till I rot, mine forever and ever and ever! He got his kingdom but I got mine, sovereign and indissoluble! My minions may be carapaced and hexapedal, but they are loyal! Are they not loyal? An obeisance with an antenna is an obeisance nonetheless!
One ought never approach a monarch empty-handed. Don’t you know anything? Would you approach him that way? No, you would not! And are we any worse than him? Are we?
* * *
Excuse us! Even the highest potentate, even the most magisterial of magnificates can make mistakes. Even a god has no claim to wisdom! Remember that I said that. Will you remember? Someone really ought to.
In any case, your offering satisfies! The button is very fine, but the thread is simply marvelous. What was I saying?
There were three of us that climbed the tower. They say there was only one, but there were three. Now there are only two. One and a half. Can you call the one a one now? I do not think you can. I think you must call that one another number. I do not know what number that is. Infinity is not a number. Infinity is not a number! And anyway, infinity can become zero; that is not so difficult a thing at all. One can make infinity a zero, if that one is brave enough.
Half was brave once. Once half was very brave. Once half knew no fear, once half sang and everyone sang along because they knew that half was not afraid. Once half was one full one. And what a one half was! Once half was the cleverest thing you could find! Half could sing a song or paint a picture! Half could doodle! Half could hum!