“Adi, you’re a genius,” I grinned.
8
The Bus Incident
Mum picked us up from school looking a bit brighter. She said she’d sold three Love Spells and a Sell Your House Spell today, so she had about £40 in her purse, and she was feeling really rich. “Let’s go to Smyths and get you both a little treat, shall we?”
Lois and I were delighted, even though the more-grown-up side of me wanted to tell Mum to spend her money on herself. She could do with some new clothes. I was sick of seeing her in the same holey jeans and charity-shop jumper.
“Right, you can have an LOL Doll each, girls,” said Mum jubilantly.
“Mum, they are £10 each, so that means you’ll spend half your money on us and only have £20 left,” I explained to her in a worried tone.
“Rosemary, your maths is brilliant,” Mum said. I pulled a face. “Now go on, stop worrying and choose your doll. I will get myself a new mascara or something,” she soothed.
After a grapple with the dolls, we paid for our purchases and headed off to Boots for Mum. We passed the Sony store and the shop front was dazzling with all its televisions advertising the latest flat-screen bargain in huge Technicolor.
I suddenly did a double take.
There on every TV screen in the window was our very own Mr Foggerty at the wheel of a bus.
“Mum, look,” I shouted almost in disbelief. “It’s Mr Foggerty on the telly, look!”
We couldn’t hear what was being said, but the news headline underneath said;
Mystery Man Leads Passengers To Safety
“Oh my God,” my mother said, her hand covering her mouth. “We need to get back.”
She grabbed Lois’ hand and half-dragged her back towards the car, much to my little sister’s protestations.
I scurried along behind. “What does all that mean, Mum? What’s Mr Foggerty done? Is it something bad?”
“No, no, Rosemary, he’s helped people. It’s nothing to worry about. Let’s just get home and find out what’s going on.”
At home we found Uncle Vic and Frances in the lounge watching the TV news headlines with the sound up very loud. Dad would have gone mad. For once, Mum seemed not to worry that me and Lois were there and could hear EVERYTHING that was being said. It was great!
Mum was trying to figure out what was going on. “Rosie saw him on the TV screens in the Sony shop. We couldn’t believe it. What’s happened?”
“Shhhhhhhhhhhh!” Frances and Uncle Vic said in unison.
Without taking his eyes off the screen, Uncle Vic pointed. “There’s witness reports!”
An elderly gentleman with a comb over and a large nose was being interviewed by a lady in a grey coat.
“Mr Toon, you were on the bus. Tell us what happened.”
“Right, well I was on my way to see my daughter. And the bus was quite busy downstairs with mostly pensioners or young Mums, you know what with all the kids being at school and the like.”
“Mmhm, mmhm.”
“All of sudden this person all dressed in black with a bally clava thing on ran down the stairs of the bus and demanded the bus driver take them to Strawberry Fields, or else.”
“It must have been terrifying.”
“Well, there was pandemonium, as you can imagine. The bus driver passed out. I was worried about the cheese in my bag I’d got for my daughter. You know how cheese gets if it’s too warm, especially soft cheese…”
“Mmhm.”
“All of sudden, this fella gets up from the front. I’d not noticed him before, a funny looking lanky chap with mad hair.”
Me and Mum giggled. Had HE not looked in the mirror lately?
“And he dragged the bus driver out of his seat, jumped into the driving seat, and stopped us all from careering into the pavement. Then he did some sort of funny karate move with his hand and the lunatic all in black slumped on the ground.”
“Mr Toon,” said the lady in the grey coat, “do carry on.”
“Well that’s it, really. The chap with the mad hair dropped us all off at our destinations and kicked out the loony at the ‘cop shop’. The funny thing was, traffic in town is horrendous most of the time, but that Mayor must have sorted out all those bus lanes or something, as we seemed to fly round. And before I knew it, I was eating a brie and bacon sarnie with my daughter and complaining of heart burn.”
There were a few more clips from “eyewitnesses”, many who claimed they never saw the man described by Mr Toon, but most confirmed seeing the number 261 bus zooming round at speeds of over 60 miles an hour; but funnily enough, no speed cameras recorded it.
Our attention went back to the screens as a Photofit picture of Mr Foggerty came up. Mum explained that this is a picture an artist has drawn from how eye witnesses have described him. Underneath was the caption:
Wanted In Connection With Thwarted Attack
The newsreader continued:
“Whilst police are questioning the agitator, who handed themselves in to headquarters, they also are anxious to find the man pictured, even though many of the passengers denied seeing him on the bus. Whether this man did or didn’t intervene in this incident still remains a mystery to police, but passengers are grateful that they were delivered safely home.”
An elderly lady then appeared with a plastic rain hat on and a heavily lined face with red lipstick drawn well over her natural lip line.
“I just want to say thank you for getting me home in time for The Chase, I’ve never missed an episode.”
Uncle Vic started to raise himself up from the settee. “Well, there we go, another example of BUTBUM AW. I think we all know who is behind this.”
I remembered THE STRANGER using that expression during the conversation they had with my mum at the front door. I seized my chance whilst I could.
“Uncle Vic, what does BUTBUM AW mean again?”
“Britain Under Threat by Unsavoury Men, open brackets, and Women, close brackets.” He reeled off very quickly. “BUTBUM (AW).”
I did a little fist pump very subtly. I’m sure no one saw it.
“Ar,” said Uncle Vic, and he looked from Mum to Frances for help.
Neither said a word.
“Actually, I don’t call my bottom a butt or a bum. It’s rude. It’s a bottom, and here,” Lois pointed to just below her tummy, “is my front bottom.”
“Alright. Thank you, Lois, we don’t need to know all about your bottoms,” Mum interjected, “all we need to know is that they are clean and wind free.”
Lois giggled. “I’m hungry.”
“Alright, one moment and I’ll start your dinner. Go and lay the table in the kitchen, both of you.”
We both left the room, but I hovered in the hallway, determined to listen in to what Mum was saying to Frances and Uncle Vic.
Mum was trying to talk quietly, but I could still make out what she was saying.
“The thing is, Vic, I start this job on Monday. I really cannot get involved with this. I’m going to just have to let you get on with it. I will of course try to be at the energy raising events, but I have to focus on earning some money for the family.”