Ninian coughed weakly. The sound was wet. “It hurts.”
“You’re going to be alright,” Áed said, and hoped that his voice sounded encouraging. A tendril of fear slipped into his mind and put a damper on the hope that had so recently soared.
Ninian’s starry eyes blinked, and the morning light from the window lent them clear, extraordinary lucidity. “I need to tell you something.”
“What?” Áed knew he sounded hoarse, but the fear in his voice showed anyway. Final words were for final moments, and that time simply could not be then.
Ninian’s own breathing was quick and shallow, all raggedy. “I didn’t tell you.”
Áed frowned, feeling his brow crinkle, but made himself wait for Ninian to speak.
“I’m so sorry.” Ninian’s words were fainter. “Áed, I didn’t mean to wait so long.” He coughed, and this time, a glistening trail of vibrant red dribbled over his lips. Áed felt his heart plummet to a rocky bottom.
The broken rib must have pierced Ninian’s lung. Just nicked it, probably, if he’d lasted this long, but… “Shh,” Áed whispered softly, trying to get his love to rest. “Quiet, Ninny.”
But Ninian didn’t seem to hear him. “It’s easy to forget,” he choked, hiccupping on blood, and shook his head clumsily. “I never forgot, but I waited, and the time never seemed right, and Gods, love, I’m sorry.”
“No, Ninian,” Áed managed. “No, don’t apologize. You don’t have to apologize for anything, not to me.”
“I have to,” Ninian breathed, and more blood dripped down his chin. “Because…” The blood on his lower lip smeared on his upper. “Because you don’t have it all, do you see… I never… never told you all of it.”
“I don’t understand, Ninian.” This time, Áed couldn’t keep the fear out of his voice, and it seeped into his tone like Ninny’s blood onto the floor. “You aren’t making any sense.”
“Shut up… and listen then. This isn’t… isn’t easy.” Ninian’s lips were coated in blood, like he’d been drinking it. “Your letter.”
Áed blinked, surprised. “My letter?”
“From your mother.” Ninian took a deep, shaking breath, which rattled in his chest and made Áed’s heart seize up. “I read it for you, but—” He blinked, and his expression turned confused for a moment.
“What are you saying?” It was impossible for Áed to keep down the panic in his tone.
Ninian’s hand, the one Áed wasn’t holding like a lifeline, dragged painfully to his head. His long fingers traced streaks of ruddy blood across his cheek and came to rest at his temple as if he was trying to hold his thoughts in place. “It’s my fault.” His eyes closed and Áed’s heart stammered in terror, but then they opened again, slowly. Ninian’s hair matched the iron-red blood that smudged under his eyes. “I was scared, love…”
Áed didn’t know what to say.
“I’m a fool.” Ninian laughed quietly, and blood spattered from his lips. A warm drop touched Áed’s cheek and stayed there. “I’m so sorry.”
“Ninian, it’s alright. Just be still, just rest.” He needed to convey the urgency—the absolute necessity—for Ninian to relax, to stop talking. He knew his words sounded desperate.
But then, another part of his mind murmured gently, you already know that it’s too late.
He blinked a fresh raft of tears from his eyes, but one fell anyway. It hit the drop of Ninny’s blood on his cheek and washed it down. There was no point in making Ninian rest.
“I’m sorry,” Ninian breathed. “I didn’t read you the whole letter. Áed, you’re not… everything you think. It scared me, it did, but my love…” His chest heaved with another cough, but a faint smile spread over his lips, full of surprising, lucid happiness. “I’ve said it now.”
Áed held Ninian’s hand as tightly as he possibly could. “Ninian?”
“Not… for much… longer.” Ninian’s smile widened, revealing blood-coated teeth, and his eyes locked onto Áed’s. “Tell Ronan it’s alright.”
“Nin,” Áed demanded, and the panic and desperation overwhelmed him as he leaned over Ninian, frantically brushing the blood off of his love’s chin as if he could undo it. “Ninian!”
But Ninian’s brilliant eyes were sagging shut. His lips moved, though just a whisper came out. “Áed.”
Áed shook his head helplessly. “What the hell, Ninian, you can’t do this to me.” Tears had earnestly begun their assault on his eyes, and they streamed down his cheeks. “Gods, no!” He shook him again, but Ninian’s face had slackened, and his hand relaxed limply in Áed’s grip. “Ninian!” Áed screamed, but over his own voice, he heard Ninian’s breath… stop.
“Please,” he heard himself begging as tears blurred his vision. “Please, Ninny, not like this. Not like this.”
His hands were covered in blood from the love of his life, both old and fresh, but now blood was no longer moving in Ninian’s veins. Air didn’t stir in his lungs, and not a twitch of movement animated his body.
“Ninian…” Áed pressed his lips desperately to Ninian’s forehead while anguish churned in his chest and stole his breath. It was a last plea—Please, Ninian. For me. Gods, Ninny, come back for me—but all he got was Ninian’s familiar scent, warm and comforting and sullied by the smell of blood. His tears spilled onto Ninian’s face and ran into his hair.
He let himself be dragged away as he felt Ronan’s small hands on his shoulders, separating him from the corpse and turning him away so that he could not see. Ronan was saying something, but Áed couldn’t hear what it was. He couldn’t breathe, couldn’t see through the tears, and he felt himself fall to his knees on the bloody floor as sobs ripped their way up from his heart.
CHAPTER FIVE
Surely years passed before his wracked body could breathe again. It felt like lifetimes more before he could see through the tears that veiled his eyes.
Áed rested where he’d fallen, curled up like an infant with his hands covering his face. Shaking, he moved them and found that he was facing away from the place where Ninian lay.
Dead.
Ninian was dead.
Áed used his wrists to push himself to a seat, inhaled a deep breath that tasted of rust, and forced himself to look around. How easy it would be to leave. To run down the narrow street to the Inner Maze, to find Morcant, and… what? Attack him?
Perhaps that would be best. Then Morcant would kill him, too.
He heard a faint sound to his right and turned to Ronan. Immediately, he pressed his lips together as he realized that he had fallen apart while Ronan suffered too. So much for protective instinct. He damned himself.
“Ronan,” Áed murmured, and Ronan turned his head and peeked out from under his bangs. His eyes were puffy and bloodshot, and his cheeks shone with moisture. As soon as he saw Áed sitting up, he uncurled himself, stumbled over, and collapsed once again to his knees.