Kade’s expression fell. “What’s wrong? Why are you acting like this?”
That was the question ... and I didn’t have an appropriate answer. “I’m not acting like anything.” I adopted a breezy tone as I went back to staring at the shelf. There was nothing more to garner my interest, so I moved down to the canned vegetables and grabbed black olives and artichokes.
“You’re acting like a big baby.” Kade didn’t back down. “I don’t understand. Luke is happy. Don’t you want him to be happy? He’s your best friend, for crying out loud.”
Annoyance, hot and fast, flashed through me. “Of course I want him to be happy. Why wouldn’t I want him to be happy?”
“You’re fighting him tooth and nail constantly. He wants you to get to know Cole, but you refuse to even play the game. That’s pretty unfair given how hard you pushed him and me together.”
“Are you saying I’m a hypocrite?”
“I’m saying that you’re acting out of sorts and I want to know why. Are you jealous? Is that it? Are you afraid that if Luke finds someone that he’ll stop wanting to spend time with you? Because, let me tell you something, that’s not going to happen. He loves you and will always want to be a part of your life. You have nothing to fear.”
I didn’t mean for it to happen. It just sort of spewed out. I couldn’t contain myself. My voice cracked and I felt ridiculously ragged. “And what if he leaves the circus? Cole lives in Ohio. He can’t travel with us forever. If Luke becomes attached to him ... .” I left it hanging because I couldn’t finish it.
“Is that it?” Kade’s expression softened. “Baby, even if that happens, I guarantee Luke finds a way to visit you. We’ll visit him when we stop in Ohio every year. It’ll be okay.” He pulled me to him, offering up a comforting hug. “Don’t get worked up about this. I promise it’ll be fine.”
Initially I fought the hug before ultimately giving in and wrapping my arms around his neck. “He was the first one to become a new kind of family with me. I mean ... Max plucked me off the street, but I bonded with Luke before him. I just ... .”
“It’s okay.” Kade let out a sigh as he stroked the back of my head. “You need to calm down. Nothing has been decided, but you’re coming off as a raging bitch. You need to chill out.”
I nodded as I fought to contain my tears. I really was rocketing off the rails. It was disconcerting, to say the least. While I took a moment to pull myself together, two older women turned their carts and headed down our aisle. They shot judgmental looks in our direction, as if they expected us to get naked and drop to the floor to do it right there. They continued chatting as they passed.
“The news said it was a storm,” one of the women offered. “I’ve been trying to think back, but I don’t remember a storm that night, do you?”
“No, but it could’ve happened after we went to sleep. We’re in bed by nine these days.”
“I guess.” The first woman didn’t look convinced as she grabbed a bottle of steak sauce. “The thing is, my outdoor furniture wasn’t wet either. Usually when there’s a storm I have to dry the furniture in the morning. I didn’t have to do that yesterday.”
I slowly drew back from Kade, my mind busy. The women had just given voice to another thing that was bothering me. “I’m okay,” I reassured him when I caught sight of his worried look. “I’m just being a big baby. You’re right. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”
“I think I do.” He was earnest. “We were in Detroit not too long ago. We saw what remains of the second family you had after you lost the first. Half of them were gone or simply too far gone to help. You’ve lost two families already. You’re afraid of losing a third.”
He wasn’t wrong.
“It’s different, Poet,” he stressed. “You’re an adult now. You’ve forged bonds that simply can’t be broken. Those friendships you made when you were a teenager were always doomed. You were too young to be able to keep them up. Plus, you wanted more than a life on the street could’ve provided you.”
He moved his hand to my chin and forced it up so I had no place to look but at him. “You and Luke have bonded for life. You won’t lose him. I promise you that. You need to lighten up, though. Cole is really trying and you’re shutting him down at every turn. That’s not fair.”
I hated that he was right, but I had other things on my mind. “Fine. I’ll be nicer to Cole.” I took a step back and inhaled a steadying breath. Kade was definitely right about me needing to get control of myself. I was acting like a whack doodle. That wasn’t good for anybody. “We also need to see if we can track down the weather information from two nights ago. If there was no storm, then the entire narrative they’re floating about the accident doesn’t fit.”
“That something else is likely to be paranormal,” Kade said, “despite the fact that you told me this week was going to be quiet.”
Oh, well, I should’ve seen that coming. “You were just waiting to throw that in my face, weren’t you?”
His grin was sly. “Maybe a little.”
“Well, it doesn’t matter right now. We have to figure this out. If there is an enemy out there, it’s important we know sooner rather than later.”
“On that we definitely agree.”
I watched him for a beat and then sighed. “You still want to go to Guntown Mountain instead of Mammoth Caves, don’t you?”
“I’m also eager to see Dinosaur World.”
Ugh. That was simply too much. “Fine. Do what you want. I’m going to the caves.”
“I’m sure we’ll figure something out. Don’t turn into a crybaby again. I’ll make sure that you’re not alone when it’s time to go to the caves. Hey, maybe Percival will go with you. He seems like the kind of guy who’d want to look at caves.”
Yup. I was definitely at the end of my rope.
5
Five
I was still agitated when we returned to the fairgrounds, where I willingly volunteered to put all the groceries away myself – alone. Kade gave me a dirty look when I shooed him away, but didn’t call me on my crap in front of the others. I was grateful for that.
Once everyone scattered, I grabbed my laptop from my trailer and settled at a table to conduct some research. The history of the area was fascinating, and I lost myself down a rabbit hole for a very long time. Usually I was responsible for making the rounds and checking to make sure that everybody was doing their jobs. Everyone in our group knew exactly what they were doing, however, and my brain refused to focus on anything other than the accident.
“What are you doing?” Nellie joined me at the table without invitation. He was drinking iced tea and dressed in a summery frock that showed off his hairy legs in a manner that made me uncomfortable. He was one leg shift away from flashing me, and I knew for a fact he didn’t always wear undergarments.
“What are you doing?” I queried, shooting him a look. “And you’d better be wearing underwear.”