"Concentrate, Zak." I admonished again.
"I thought the presenters announced us and then we went on stage?" He replied, with a furrowed brow.
He had a point. When we'd seen the show on the television, the presenters announced you coming on for the judges. Come to think of it, no one was filming either. Harley, and the other presenter, Dan Trent, were chatting in the corner. Just before we went on stage, I saw Harley look pissed off with something Dan said and she stalked off giving him the middle finger. Hmmm, looked like they weren't as friendly as they would no doubt act later.
Clipboard guy turned to us, looking smug. "You audition for the judges in front of the audience. If they like you, you do it again for the camera. If they don't—if you're terrible—then you also might do it again for the camera. If they’re not interested, because you're entirely average, you go home. Stage is set up for you. When I indicate, follow me."
He walked out onto the stage, announced the band to the judges and then nodded to us.
Walking out from the darkness of backstage to the heavily lit area and the sea of faces in the audience, I felt both anxious and exhilarated. In front of us sat the four judges.
From left to right on the panel there was talent scout Maxwell Johnson; pop veteran Marianne Moore, who'd represented the Eurovision Song Contest in the sixties; Carmela, who'd fronted a girl band, but liked the attention on her alone and so had left to present instead; and Bill Traynor, CEO of Deep Heat Records. Bill, the multi-billionaire who could launch us into worldwide stardom.
All four of them looked bored, though that could be due to overdoing the Botox that the showbiz brigade were so fond of.
"This is The Para-Not-Normals." Clipboard guy announced.
Bill nodded. "Okay, sing."
Once again there was no pomp or ceremony.
We began our version of Taylor Swift's Wildest Dreams. They listened to thirty seconds and then Bill raised a hand and stopped the music.
"Okay. Here's what's going to happen." He told us. "You're good enough to go through."
We all beamed and Rex growled, "Yes," only to receive a withering look from Bill. I glared at Rex hoping he realised it meant shut the hell up.
Bill continued. "Make up will change your image a little before you come back on. Also, I'm going to suggest a name change, nothing much different, just taking the 'not' out. You'll agree." He scratched at his chin. "You know Paradise City?"
We nodded.
"You'll do that first but not well. I'll stop the process and ask if you have anything else. Then you'll blow the roof off with Wildest Dreams. Okay, thanks."
And that was it. Clipboard guy took us back off stage and through to meet the team from make-up and hair.
"Right, I'll leave you here. Congrats, guys." He said and with that he was on his way.
We all stared at each other speechless.
"What just happened?" Rex eventually muttered.
"I think we just got to see a glimpse of what really happens behind the scenes of a TV Talent Show." Roman sighed. "No one said the path to the top was paved with gold."
Indeed, it was not. It was paved with going along with a reality show script and we agreed between us as we progressed through hair and make-up that if it led to the glory of a recording contract, we'd do whatever it took within reason. Like Zak said, he'd already sold his soul to a devil so what did he have to lose?
Hair and make-up parted Rex's hair down the middle so he had curtains. I could see that after this he was going to have to let off some major energy and probably hunt because I just knew that deep inside his wolf was growling for permission to take the hair stylist guy's head off. Zak's was crimped, and mine was gelled so much it looked greasy. They put clear round glasses on Roman, making him look like Harry Potter's older brother and then finally they dressed us in clothes that took me right back to my old days at school, pre-turning.
"We don't say a word about this. It's never, ever mentioned." Zak glared at us all. "Not one word."
"Okay, all done." The head of the department radioed through for us to be collected and then we waited until it was time to film.
This time Harley walked over to us and said hi. She had perfect white teeth and gorgeous blue eyes and was the epitome of friendliness, unlike her co-host Dan who stood having his make-up retouched and shouted for her to hurry up.
"Sorry, guys. I must go do my bit. Good luck. I know it's all a bit smoke and mirrors, but it makes for great viewing and ultimately that's what you want. Thousands of people supporting you to win."
She went on her way, her arse bouncing around in her capri pants.
"Do you think they'll believe me if I say it's my microphone in my pocket, only I'm rock hard." Zak groaned. "And I've got to look at Carmela yet."
"Look at yourself in the mirror instead." Rex shoved him in the arm. "Not gonna score many chicks looking like that."
Zak smirked. "Now you know I can appear in their dreams any way they like. But, good idea, I'll look at you and those curtains you're displaying. Thanks, mate. I'm already limp as days old lettuce."
This time as we approached the stage we were stopped and filmed as Dan talked to us with Harley alongside him.
"Hi, guys, so you're The Para-not-normals. How did you four get together?"
I talked a little about us having met at college and how we'd formed the band, practising in our spare time.
"Well the judges are waiting for you. Good luck." Harley smiled and then we made our way onto the stage.
From there on we did as directed. Firstly, we sang Paradise City and had to look worried when Bill held his hand up and stopped the music. Then Bill asked if we had a different song to sing and we performed our Taylor Swift. It was soul destroying (well to those of us who still had theirs) as the audience cheered like crazy because they were told to do so.
Then it came to the judges vote on whether or not we went through to the next round, where the judges whittled down the acts and got their 'teams'.
Maxwell spoke first. "I think you have potential. It's a yes from me."
Then Marianne. "You remind me of The Rolling Stones in their early days when we used to hang around together. Great times. It's a yes from me."
Then Carmela. "I like you. You have a great energy. Yes, from me."
And finally, it was Bill's turn. "I like you guys. There's something about you, but I'm not sure…"
The pre-empted audience began to protest and chanted, "Yes, yes, yes."
Bill looked back at the audience and then at us. His tongue poked in his cheek. "I think with a little image styling and some expert advice you could have something. One thing though. Your name. I'm not into it. I'd prefer just The Paranormals. We can work with that. Get you looking out of this world."
"Another dick confusing paranormals with aliens." Rex said from behind his hand, then he pretended to cough.
"What do you say? Ready for an image and name change?"
We said yes.
"Then that's four yeses. You're through to the next round. Congratulations, guys." Bill said.
The crowd roared their approval as directed and then we left the stage. Harley and Dan met us again backstage and once more they filmed our 'reaction' to being put through.