“Both,” Colt admitted. “You know me, I’m not good with words and shit. I just didn’t know how to face you after that.” Or after leaving a man dead in the alley.
“We could have worked through it. We’ve been through worse,” Jason muttered. “You’ve never shut me out like that before. And pressuring me to come out to my parents was a really, really shitty thing to do.”
“I know it was,” Colt said, standing. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what else to say.”
Jason bit down on his bottom lip, and Colt could tell he was struggling to hold onto his anger. If there was one thing Jason hated, it was personal confrontation. Ironic for someone who wanted to base his career on arguing, but Colt knew even that was probably a form of coping. Jason always had been one to face his fears head on rather than running from them. It was yet another reason they shouldn’t have been friends, let alone lovers, but if the last few days had confirmed anything, it was that Colt wasn’t selfless enough to walk away.
“It’s okay,” Jason said, letting out a heavy sigh. “I’m sorry, too.”
“For what? You didn’t do anything.”
“I pressured you about finding your biological parents. That was a pretty shitty thing to do, too.”
“You were just trying to help.”
“Yeah, but that doesn’t make it okay. You’re right, I do try to fix people. I hate it when my parents treat me like a project, and that’s exactly what I did to you.” He finally met Colt’s eyes. “If I forgive you for being a temperamental asshole, can you forgive me for being a meddling prick?”
Colt smirked. “I’ve forgiven you for worse.”
Jason rolled his eyes. “I guess the time apart did give me time to think about some things. I was going to hunt you down if you hadn’t come over.”
“Before you say anything, there’s something else I need to tell you,” Colt said, taking a moment to pause. The truth was always on the tip of his tongue when he was around Jason, but this wasn’t a confession he could make. Not even to his best friend. Especially not to him.
“What is it?” Jason asked, his eyes filling with concern.
“I just want you to know how much you mean to me,” Colt said, the words sticking in his throat. The more he needed to say something, the harder it was to get out. “I think sometimes I get so caught up in my feelings for you that I forget it’s not what we are that matters. It’s you. I need you in my life, one way or another, and I want to be what you need. If all you ever want me as is a friend, I’m good with that.”
“Colt--”
“I’m not saying it’ll be easy,” he added with a laugh. “But it’ll be okay.” He came to stand in front of Jason, resisting the urge to reach out and touch him like he always wanted to. Being alone with him was enough of a gamble, even though he’d fed recently enough that food was the last thing on his mind, human flesh or otherwise. “I just needed you to know that.”
“I appreciate that more than you know,” Jason said softly, reaching out to brush his hand against Colt’s. The innocent gesture sparked more of a response in Colt than far more intimate touch with anyone else ever had. “But about something else you said. About me sabotaging your other relationships.”
“I didn’t mean that,” Colt groaned. He could hardly even remember what he’d said that night, but he would be kicking his past self for years to come.
“No, you’re right,” Jason insisted. “I have been unfair to you. Treating you like a boyfriend one minute, and a friend the next.”
“You don’t owe me anything,” Colt said. It was clear in the light of day, now that he wasn’t a raging, possessive idiot running on fumes. He’d never imagined he would be more civilized after consuming human flesh, but his life was just full of surprises lately.
“That’s not true,” said Jason. “I owe it to you to be straightforward about where I stand. The truth is, right now, I don’t know. I know I have feelings for you, but I’m not ready to be in a relationship right now. Not with anyone. And you’re right about my parents. I am afraid to tell them about my sexuality, and I know if I involve you in that now, it’s only going to tank any chance we might have of building something in the future. You’re the only person I’ve ever been able to completely be myself around, and I can’t lose that.”
“I’m not going anywhere,” Colt assured him. “Even if you never get there, I’m always going to be here for you. Even if it’s just as a friend.”
“About that,” Jason said, looking up at Colt in a way that made his heart pound. Not the way it did on the hunt, but the difference between those instincts was too slim for comfort. “I’ve been thinking, and maybe there’s somewhere in-between.”
“Oh, really?” Colt asked, raising an eyebrow. “Just how in between are we talking?”
Rather than give him an answer, Jason leaned in and pressed his lips to Colt’s. At first, the kiss was tender and searching, but it soon took on a different tenor. Colt had imagined what it would be like to kiss Jason for years, but he wasn’t prepared for how sweet Jason’s skin tasted, or how smooth those lips were against his own. His tongue flicked out over Jason’s bottom lip, requesting entrance, and the other man gave it. Colt had Jason up against a wall before he even realized that was his intention, his hands exploring the toned planes of Jason’s chest and stomach underneath his shirt as his tongue darted in and out of his mouth, tasting, exploring.
“Colt,” Jason breathed as Colt’s lips found his neck. His voice was full of surprise, but Colt could feel his erection through his jeans as he ground against it with his own. He parted Jason’s legs with his knee and relished how much faster it made his lover’s heart start beating.
It didn’t occur to him that he shouldn’t have been able to hear Jason’s heartbeat until his teeth were scraping against the other man’s neck. Jason’s pleasured moans turned to a gasp as Colt nipped a bit too hard. He felt the familiar itch of fangs protruding through his gums and flew back, nearly colliding with Jason’s mini fridge.
“Colt?” Jason asked worriedly, raising a hand to his neck. “What’s wrong? Why’d you stop?”
“Did I hurt you?”
Jason frowned, looking down at his hand. There was no blood as far as Colt could smell, but he’d come way too close to breaking the skin for comfort and hadn’t even realized it until it was too late. “No. At least, not in a way I minded,” he said with a sheepish smile, his eyes still hooded with lust.
“I should go,” Colt said, moving to the door before he could change his mind.
“What? Why?” Jason moved to his side, looking Colt over worriedly. “Talk to me, please.”
“I can’t. I just...I need to go, I’m sorry,” Colt repeated, opening the door. Jason was the one in danger, but Colt felt like he was cornered alone with Jason in that small space. This had been a mistake.
“Okay,” Jason relented. Colt could see the wheels turning in his head. “Will you call me later?”