“I had some ale in Northampton that made me very tipsy. Seamus said it had satyr sweat in it,” I explained.
“Ouch. That resulted in a headache, didn’t it?”
“It did. It was awful, but Seamus was there, and he helped…” my voice trailed off.
“Perhaps you should ask your lost self, what part does Seamus Daragh play in your story? You seem to be on the same path. He defends you. He cares for you. And despite his protests, he loves you to an extent. Is he the reason you are lost or is he here to help you find your way?”
“I won’t lie. I have a full range of emotions for the vampirate, and it’s confusing,” I said.
“And that is enough,” she repeated.
It was okay to not be okay. It was okay not to know all the answers. It was okay to be lost. I understood. “Now I want to dance like a lost girl,” I said. I joined the circle of dancers, hopping around the fire following Peter’s song.
It wasn’t until I sat down next to Pallas that I noticed that Tiger Lily was gone.
“You seem better,” she said.
“I am. Thank you for bringing me here,” I replied.
“That’s what friends are for. Perhaps, one day, I can get out of here and join you in Steelshore,” she said.
“I would like that.”
The music continued, and the fire blazed. Pallas and I talked about Neverland and her experiences here with the mermaids and sirens. She told me how Peter had recruited her to help with the lost boys and girls. She told me how Tinkerbell had gone on a tirade and dusted all of Tiger Lily’s clothes so that they would float away while she was taking a bath in a creek. She told me wild stories of adventures and pirates. It sounded like a fairy tale to me.
The music stopped abruptly, and I looked up to see why. Seamus and his brother, James, stepped into the clearing. Those golden eyes were locked on me. I stood up, hoping to prevent him from hurting anyone here out of anger.
Peter walked over to him and patted him on the shoulder. “Seamus! It’s good to see you. Thanks for bringing the Lady Phoenix back. We’ve enjoyed dancing with her, haven’t we?” he asked the lost ones.
“Yeah!” they cheered.
“Alright. Everyone get back to bed!” Peter demanded.
The children complained, but they disappeared into the trees and shrubs to sleep. Seamus kept his eyes locked on me. I lowered my head, because I was ashamed that I had run from him. We should have just worked it out.
“Hello, Hook,” Peter said, bowing to the other pirate.
“Hello, Menace,” James replied.
“Oh, you love it,” Peter returned.
“That I do,” James agreed.
Pallas shoved me toward him. I hissed at her. “I thought you weren’t working for him.”
“I’m not, but you need to fix it,” she said.
Peter stepped away in conversation with Hook, and Pallas disappeared from my side. I didn’t see which way Zinnia went, but she probably darted back to the ship so she wouldn’t be discovered.
“Hi,” I said. He wasn’t angry. He was in pain.
“Are you alright?” he asked.
“Yes, just a little lost,” I replied. “But that’s okay.”
A small smile formed on his lips. “It is perfectly okay.”
“You were put in my life to help me find the way. Isn’t that what captains do?” I asked.
“It is.”
He walked closer to me until I caught a whiff of rum and anise. He’d smelled like that the day we sailed on his yacht. That was the day he told me about his life. Although, Tiger Lily led me to believe that he had other secrets. It didn’t matter. I couldn’t do this without him. I didn’t want to do it without him.
“What now?” I asked.
“Will you sit with me?” He sat down on the stump that Pallas had vacated. I sat down with him. When Pallas and I sat on it, we had plenty of room. With Seamus, we were so close to each other, I might as well have sat in his lap. I flushed that thought out of my lost mind.
“I’m sorry I ran,” I said.
“I don’t blame you. I shouldn’t have locked you in there. I’m the one who ran. We all get lost sometimes, and like I said, it’s perfectly okay.”
“Are you taking me home?”
He cleared his throat. “No, but I have to be completely honest with you.”
“Okay.” I wondered what he had been keeping from me.
“I received a note from my mother right after I’d left you. She is expecting us, and if we don’t go there, she could cause a lot of trouble for me. She knows that I claimed you. For her, that will be a very serious oath.”
“What? Like we are married or something?”
“No. Just that, well, you have to know I don’t think of it this way, but she will.”
“Just spit it out.”
“She will see it like I own you. In turn, she will think that she owns you. I will explain it fully to her, and I don’t care if she understands or not, Winnie, you are your own person. I should have just allowed you to burn a couple of my men to a crisp, and they would have backed off, but I took the selfish route. I claimed you to me without considering the consequences. I must ask for your forgiveness for that.”
“I forgive you for being a dashing knight who jumped in to save my life even though it didn’t need saving.”
He grinned, and I was glad to see it. “I spoke to Tiger Lily. She likes you a lot.”
“I like her. She told me what she could about Kyrie.”
“Yes, me too.”
“I don’t think I can prepare myself for the reality of it. Not really. But in my heart, I know what is coming.”
“You cannot prepare yourself for that kind of heartbreak. But you know you have people who care about you. We will be there for you. We will lift you up, but I know you, Wynonna. I know who you are. You always rise.”
I wrapped my arms around his neck which placed me in his lap, but I didn’t care. I didn’t know who I was, but he did. And that, too, was enough. He hugged me back tightly.
“I’m sorry that I worried you. I’m sorry that I ran away.”
“It’s okay. You needed to run, but just so you know, I’ll chase you wherever you go,” he said with a grin. I giggled, but his admission made me feel warm inside. He would always have my back. No matter what. I didn’t know what I’d done to deserve his devotion, but I needed it. We feel weak sometimes. No one can be strong all the time. I’d learned that it was okay to feel bad or lost. I’d also learned that it was okay to share the burden or lean on a friend.
“Brother, we should get going,” Hook said from the other side of the dying fire.
“We should,” Seamus said to me. “Wynonna Riggs, will you accompany me to Wonderland to meet my mother?”
“Well, when you say it like that, how can I say no?” I replied.
“You’ll wish you would have said no,” Hook added.
“Is it that bad?” I asked, as I climbed out of Seamus’ lap.
“It’s that bad,” Seamus replied.
I stood near the bow of the Blood Rose with James Hook by my side. Seamus worked with his men to fill the ship with supplies for the rest of our journey. I wasn’t sure what was in all the boxes that Seamus was bringing with us to his mother, and something told me not to ask.