"So you're coming over to Gwen's to be a rebel?" he asks in amusement.
She laughs, and I help them through the window and out into the crisp night air. And when they're gone, I feel an intense sense of being alone, but I stamp down on that as much as possible.
After all, this is just going to be a taste of what it will be like in Hawaii. I'm going to be alone for most of the time. I won't know anyone there. And I have to remind myself that this is a choice I'm making. I need to get a grip and just have fun.
"Gwen?" Mom calls again.
I clear my throat, looking at the acceptance letter for a long moment before grabbing it and heading out my door. "Coming!"
I needed the mental preparation before telling my parents about what college I want to go to. I've already practiced telling Dylan and Samantha, so my parents shouldn't be any different, right?
Wrong. So, so wrong.
3
My parents stare at me like I just told them I come from outer space and I want to speak to their leader.
In some ways, I wish it were that, because then it wouldn't be so awkward right now.
"H-Hawaii?" Dad asks, his voice breaking as he says the single word. "But, but Gwen... Why?" He looks back down at my acceptance letter and then to my mom, who is just staring at me in that flabbergasted way.
I poke my meatloaf around my plate with my fork. Despite the fact that it smells absolutely delicious, I don't think I can stomach it right now.
Why is everyone so shocked that I want to go to college in Hawaii? Just because I have a fear of water and I haven't been to the beach much doesn't mean I don't want to do that at some point in my life.
"It's a good school," I tell them, steeling my voice as much as possible. "And they're going to give me a full scholarship, plus pay for my dorm. It's a free ride there."
"Yes, but..." Mom licks her lips and sits forward, clasping her hands together. "It's so far, Gwen. And you've never been there before, and --"
"You don't think I know where I have and haven't been?" I snap, and I immediately regret it. After talking with Dylan and Samantha, I have this pent-up anxiety that's boiling over, and my parents' reactions aren't helping. "It's an adventure," I say, more evenly this time. "It's an adventure and I want to enjoy life."
"Yes," Mom agrees. "But I thought you hated the ocean, Gwen. And flights to Hawaii don't come cheap. You'd be stuck on a tiny island out there, and you could -- pretty much -- only come home during Christmas break and summer."
I nod. "I've thought about that, too. But, this is my chance to get over my fear. And to do something that's really exciting and different for once. I can't live in SUBURB my whole life." I gesture out the window. "I really want to go places. Have fun. And if they want to pay my way there, then I thought you would have been happy."
"We are happy, sweetheart," Dad says. "But we also don't want you making a big mistake."
"It's not a mistake," I tell him. "It just feels right."
Mom gives me a smile, that one that says she's trying to placate me in a way that I won't like. "It just feels right because they're the first place to send you an acceptance letter. Which, don't get me wrong, is very exciting." She taps the edge of the page that Dad is still holding. "But you did so well on your PSATs, I'm sure that once you receive other acceptance letters, you'll find yourself just as excited. Like when Harvard and Cornell make their decision."
I suck in a breath. "I didn't apply to those places."
She blinks. "Then another school. Perhaps --"
"I didn't apply anywhere else."
I cringe internally at my words, because my parents look at me in a very different way now. Like they're about to blow up at me for being irresponsible.
But it worked out all right, didn't it? I got a full ride to a good school, and they should be proud of their daughter. Right?
Wrong.
"You what?" Dad asks. He watches me with wide eyes. "But, Gwen, you could have gone to so many other places. Why -- why -- did you do that?"
I shrug, feeling like I'm six years old and being lectured again for not cleaning my room. "Because it felt right."
"Felt right?" Dad thunders. He gets to his feet and leans over the table so he can see me closer. "Gwen, this is your future you're gambling with. You can't just do something like that, just because it felt right!"
"NAME," Mom chides softly. "Calm down."
"Oh, I am calm," Dad says, turning on her. But seeing my mother's expression must have really calmed him down, because he closes his eyes and takes in a long, deep breath. "Okay," he says. "Okay. It's not too late, you can just apply to another school. Somewhere closer by. Somewhere that isn't surrounded by water -- the very thing you hate, Gwen."
I look down at my fork in my hands. I don't know if I have the heart to tell them that it's probably too late -- that all of the schools have already made their decisions, and, even if they were to let me in, wouldn't give me a full ride like Hawaii.
Seriously, it seems like the best way to move forward would be to just go to Hawaii. Can't they see that?
Mom notices my expression and hesitates. She always could read my mind like that. "Oh, Gwen..."
"I don't understand why it's so weird for me to want to go to the University of Hawaii." My voice is strained. "Any other kids' parents would be so happy to, A, get them out of the house so far, and B, have their entire school paid for."
"We are happy," Mom says. "But... honey, you don't know what you're doing..."
"I do, though!" I say through gritted teeth, rising to my feet like Dad. I guess I get that from him. "I do know that I've been afraid of the ocean ever since I nearly drowned in Coco Beach -- every time I look at the water, I'm reminded of it."
Both my parents pale at the mention of Coco Beach. And why wouldn't they? I did nearly drown there, whether or not there are huge sea creatures and voices telling me to go out into the water.
"But I can't go through life being afraid," I continue. "I can't go through life not taking those huge leaps of faith when there's a huge wide world out there for me to explore."
"What happened in Coco Beach," Mom says softly, "nearly destroyed me. And I don't want to lose you, Gwen."
I can hear her heartache in her words. That she cares so much for me and loves me. But I don't forget their scrutiny from just minutes ago, at their disbelief in my choices and my life.
"And you could very well lose me again if you don't let me go to Hawaii," I say. "It's my choice. My future."
This is so unlike me to talk to my parents this way. Usually I'm the picture of a perfect daughter, listening and doing everything they say.
But there is so much riding on this. So much that I want to do and explore, I can't back down.
I push my plate away. "I'm not hungry anymore." I avert my eyes. "And I have a lot of homework to do, especially if I want to keep my good grades and scholarship."