Damon stepped through the solid-looking red rock with ease, and the darkness of the tunnel that connected Sedona, Arizona, to the Magical Creatures Academy enveloped us. The air became insubstantial and thin, the product of magic.
As Orangesicle entered the gateway behind us, Sadie commanded me: “Tell us everything.”
I sighed heavily and launched into my story. There was so much to tell. I wanted to get it over with so I could start asking more questions of my own.
2
The magical tunnel that cut through the depths of Thunder Mountain wasn’t nearly long enough to allow for me to share my story and ask my questions. I only just managed to tell them everything of importance about Happy Land and Panland, including a few complaints about Pudgester, by the time we exited the passageway. I was winded from talking with Damon’s shoulder lodged against my diaphragm, and sucked in a greedy breath when he set me down, the pebbles of the path digging into the soles of my bare feet.
“Wow. Happy Land really sounds like an awful place,” said Sadie while I squinted at the bright sky, waiting for my eyes to adjust to the sudden light after such encompassing darkness. “No wonder Val wanted to get the hell out of there. I don’t blame him one bit, especially since he was only there because of a nasty fairy deal. Fairies are seriously the worst with their fine-print clauses.” She gazed down at Val in her hold, her arms wrapped around his chest, his legs hanging above and below her grip. He stared back at her, blinking wide eyes, seeming intimidated by the tough Enforcer.
“No cursing?” she went on. “Everyone happy all the frigging time, whether they want to be or not? Yeah, sounds like a total nightmare to me. I’m really feeling you right now, Jas. I would’ve hated being stuck in Happy Land.”
She freed one hand for a moment to swat me on the back with as much finesse as a stampeding rhinoceros. My chest thudded and I jumped forward a few inches, holding on to Egg for dear life.
“No one had better get any lofty ideas about sending me there,” she added. “I’ll tear shit up if they do.”
I chortled. “I doubt it’s going to be a problem. It’s only for those who’ve mastered everything there is to learn in this life and have so much inner peace or whatever that they have to leave and move on to Happy Land. I don’t think that’s you, like, in any way whatsoever.”
“Yeah, no way is that me. I have too many asses to kick to be finished with this place anytime soon. There are too many assholes and too few of us Enforcers left to put them in their place.”
She set Val down and cracked her knuckles. As the bloodiest—and most cowardly—event in the recent history of the magical world, the murder of the Enforcers seemed never far from anyone’s mind. The act had revealed that we were no longer a unified community, if we ever were. Strife had always colored the paranormal world. Where there was power and magic, there seemed to always be those trying to take more than their share.
Just as I was really getting going in my mind, ready to go find Gorky Assbucket Gower and pull him apart limb from limb, Val asked: “What is this place?”
His long face swiveled in every direction, eyes eager, trying to take in the extent of our surroundings. “Is this the academy? The Magical Creatures Academy you told me about, Jazzy?”
I nodded, but before I could further elaborate about the academy for Val’s sake, or address Sadie’s already open mouth—certain to precede some comment about my newest nickname I didn’t want to hear—Orangesicle emerged from the rock face with a needy Why, who leapt from his arms with more agility than the cub usually demonstrated, running straight for me. Why rose onto his hind legs and pressed his front paws against my leg and whined. I didn’t even pretend to try to teach him restraint or manners. I’d passed the point of no return in spoiling the pandacorn cub ages ago. No reason to make either one of us suffer now.
I tucked Egg under an arm again and swept Why into my free arm, positioning him so that his horn pointed away from me as Val said: “Is this all magic? Because if it is, it’s amazing. Actually, it’s amazing whether it is magic or isn’t. It’s so awesome. And so pretty. And warm and bright.”
“Most of it’s magic,” I told him as we started making our way up the pebbled path that led to the academy gate. I stepped gingerly, wishing for shoes. “The Academy Spell governs nearly everything that happens here.”
“Even the flowers?” His eyes were big as he turned his head in every direction, taking it all in. “They’re so colorful and beautiful. You know, my mumsie says I’m as beautiful as a flower. My family always tells me the truth, so she must be right. And look at them!”
I smiled; I couldn’t help it. After all the challenges my friends and I had endured since attending the academy, it was refreshing to see it all through Val’s eyes—as if I were a oner all over again, thinking myself so lucky to get to attend the finest academy for shifters in the entire world. Even though I’d known of the academy’s existence all my life, it had been even better than I’d imagined to arrive here, where the school, so enmeshed in mystery, finally revealed its secrets.
The flowers lining the graveled path bloomed in an assortment of bright colors, giving the entrance to the school the charm of a fairy tale—the part of the fairy tale before the monsters made their appearance.
“I don’t know about the flowers,” I told Val, who walked beside me on my left, his hooves crunching against the pebbles. “But they’re probably kept so beautiful with the help of the magic of the Academy Spell. The sky is definitely so bright because of the spell, and it’s always like this here, like spring, warm but not hot and perfectly pleasant.”
I caught myself sounding like an overly cheery tour guide, and dropped my smile. It was just that compared to Happy Land the Academy was amazing.
“The flowers bloom on their own,” Orangesicle said from where he brought up the rear of our incredibly motley crew. “Most of the plants just like it here and that’s why they look so healthy.”
Sadie leaned over from my right, stage whispering: “He knows everything there is to know about the academy.”
“That’s right, my woman,” Orangesicle rumbled like a mini earthquake. “Almost everything. I’d love nothing more than to get to know … absolutely everything about you too.”
Ew. The pygmy troll made it all sound so … lascivious. I definitely hadn’t missed the way he thought Sadie was the best thing to come along since loincloths. I was left with the definite desire to wipe what he’d just said clean from my memory. Too bad it didn’t work that way, especially not with my perfect recall. I’d be stuck with what he said, and a soundbite of exactly how he’d purred it, for the rest of my life.
Thanks, universe.
One glance at Val told me he wanted to ask lots more questions about the academy, so I jumped in before he could. We’d reach the gate soon. And if my “bestie” Roberta “Raindown” Rabbit was there, my chance to control the situation would vanish faster than a cupcake with a tower of icing placed in front of Why.
Squinting up ahead, I could definitely make out rabbits, I just couldn’t tell which ones. Since they were all terrifying, I hurried the hell up, firing away with at least some of my questions.