We returned to camp. We would train for a war. A war that might harm him again. I moved my hand down along his back, his back which no longer bore the horrendous marks he had taken for my sake. Gods.
“Come on, let’s turn in,” I said.
He nodded, a serene expression on his face. Sticks snapped under our feet as we left the clearing.
Maybe he felt my heart racing. If he did, he probably mis-guessed the reason.
Worry had been my constant companion for decades.
My brain worked with worry as co-council.
Fear, the gripping, every moment, relentless feeling. That was new.
It seemed to have blossomed alongside our relationship. And I had no idea what to do with it. Except worry. And plan. And worry some more.
I stepped out of our tent as dawn splashed its pastel colors across the sky. Alec had groaned when the light had come on so early and stuffed a pillow over his head. I had laughed, kissed his arm, and reset the light for another hour.
Beyond the campsite, smoke from campfires drifted and commingled with morning fog. Telanes had already woken and sat with a mug in hand. I took the seat beside him, my leather moccasins pressing into the dirt. The smells of camp—all the teeming, fresh green things, the rich soil, and the sweetness of wood yielding to the flame—enveloped me.
“How many members have we lost?” I said.
He raised his eyebrows over the mug. “None.”
“None at all?”
“No. But I didn’t think we would,” he said, taking a drink.
“Do you mind me asking why?”
“I suppose I didn’t tell you I had requests to join our group?”
I drew a mug from the Ether and took a drink before answering. “You did not.”
“I believe there are two reasons for that, but I can’t decide which one is the most likely reason.”
“And those are?”
He shifted in his seat and tucked a strand of his sandy brown hair behind an ear. “First of all, thousands of protectors, including most beings in this group, saw you and Alec fight at the battle.” I opened my mouth, but he put a hand up to stall me from speaking. “And before you say anyone could have done what you did, let me stop you. You faced hundreds of warriors on your own, keeping Faye safe the entire time, and you were injured at that.”
“You finished the battle injured as well.”
“That I did, but other protectors surrounded me.” He took another drink and then rested the mug against his thigh. “And Alec, no offense meant to you Daron, but I believe he may have surpassed your performance even. He was single-minded, unyielding. I wasn’t the only one to notice that warriors veered away from him.”
I smiled, my heart warming. But then I laughed over the mug in my hand, the cider in it rippling from my breath. “Don’t tell him that or we’ll never hear the end of it.”
Telanes chuckled. “The second reason,” he said, his sky-blue eyes meeting my own, “is that Acheus has spoken for you.”
My mug froze halfway to my mouth. “How do you mean?”
“I mean, he called a meeting of the centaurs and it was specifically about you.”
My neck warmed, and I cleared my throat.
“Don’t worry,” Telanes said, humor twining with his words. “You would have been mildly offended at least.”
“What did he say? Don’t worry to spare my feelings.”
“He said that you aren’t pledged as a centaur and don’t fall under centaur law.” I raised my eyebrows. “And that you and Alec are so skilled and add such value to the protectors as evident from your performances at the battle that you get to have your fetishes if you so desire.”
I chuckled. “Well, it was good of him in his own way, I suppose.”
“Mmm,” Telanes added.
I circled the mug in my hands. “Another thing. Could I ask you a personal favor?”
“That is?”
“It’s Faye. I worry about her. You two previously had a connection. I was hoping…” I trailed off. What was I hoping for?
“Of course,” Telanes said, his gaze on the fire. “You didn’t have to ask.”
6
Faye
I slipped into my cloak and ran my fingers over the cream and gray pattern on it. It trailed under my hand like the cool, silky touch of water. I stepped out of my tent, blinking in the morning light and breathing in the crisp mountain air. It lacked the humidity of the beach but also the breeze and the sparkle of the sunshine. Mist wrapped around everything in the mountains, tucking behind draping trees, curling around rocks and cliffs.
I picked up a bowl of berries and some grainy porridge from the breakfast table. I didn’t sit at the table with the others. Their eyes already trailed over me with questions and thoughts. I didn’t have answers.
I sat down at the firepit, my back to the group. Hunching over, I stared at the bowls in my lap, biting at my lip and fiddling with the spoon. I wasn’t hungry, not really. Wine-red berries clumped against the creamy porcelain of the bowl. Red like blood. My hands shook. Flickered in the firelight. I gasped. Did they have blood on them? I blinked.
“How are you, Faye?” Telanes said, sitting down, snapping my attention.
I dropped the bowls. The porridge splattered. The berries rolled brightly against the ground.
“Faye?” Telanes whispered, his blue eyes tight.
I opened my mouth to answer him. But words wouldn’t come. I shook my head, lifting my hands to explain.
“Are you okay?”
My stomach ached. “I… I don’t know.”
My hands still hovered in the air, and the trembling grew into a shaking that caused my teeth to clatter.
“Faye,” Telanes whispered my name. He drew an arm around me. I took a shaky breath. He smelled bright like pine, sweet like vanilla. I leaned into him and the tears came. My body shook with them. Telanes rubbed my back, his chest rising with his breath.
I still trembled when I stopped crying. Others watched us. Daron watched us. He looked shattered, hopeless.
“Our group is leaving first thing on a mission. Do you want to stay here?” Telanes said.
I shook my head. “I want to go with the group.”
His eyebrows drew together. His lips pursed, but he hesitated. He cleared his throat. “Would you travel with me then?”
I nodded and stood up with him. We climbed along the rocky, uphill paths that led out of the camps, the team trailing behind us. At the top, Telanes pulled a sun chariot from the Ether, its gold surface catching a glint of the morning light. I slid onto the bench and Telanes sat beside me. The chariot rose into the sky. A valley stretched out below us, grasses swaying in the wind, the endless sky the blue of a bird’s egg, speckled with wispy clouds.
I wrapped my arms around myself. I shivered. My eyelids drooped. I hadn’t slept more than a few hours at a time in weeks. Everything felt exceptionally heavy and yet here lay a valley sitting in sunshine so bright it almost hurt to look at it.
“How can so much beauty still exist?” I said.
“Beauty has always existed, even in the hardest of times. And it will carry on existing when the hard times have passed.”