There was a long pause, and the connection between them hummed, ripe with things unsaid.
Thorn broke the quiet. I’m a Starcaster who tried to bring his daughter back from the dead, and I seem to have created an entire nebula from my attempt. I don’t know if there’s a doctor out there who’s seen this kind of thing before.
You know what I mean, Thorn. You might be a Starcaster, but you’re first and foremost a man. A person who has to come to grips with his emotions—grief, anger, regret, all that unpleasant stuff. The fact it involves magic is just one of the details. The feelings are exactly the same, though. And there are people who can help you recognize them, and cope with them, and finally incorporate them into yourself, even if the source of all this is beyond anything some doctor might have imagined. Or anyone, for that matter.
You looking for a new line of work? Because you seem to understand this better than anyone else I’ve ever listened to, he said, along with a mental chuckle.
Kira gave the stars a rueful smile. Oh, I know all the right words. I can describe the process, sure. But I’ve got my own baggage to cart around. I think I need to fix myself before I start trying to fix other people. But we share the source of this, or at least some of it. Morgan. I love her with every fiber of my being, and I know you do too. So let’s . . . try? Find a path, an answer? Something?
I want to. I know you want it, too, and I’d be a damned fool if I didn’t acknowledge the fact that if things get out of hand with my power, there’s more at stake than just our daughter. And us. I just don’t know why this keeps happening. I keep getting to a point where I think I’ve actually started to get over it, then wham, the dream happens again, and the counter resets, and I’m dripping in fear and anger all over again. Scares the hell out me, Kira. I can admit that now.
I’m sure that’s probably significant—you thinking you’ve reached a point where you can cope, and then your subconscious says, oh, no, you’re not done with this yet, Stellers!
Significant how?
Kira sighed. I don’t know, Thorn. That’s the sort of thing you need to explore in detail, with—
She hesitated.
With someone who isn’t you, Thorn said.
She sighed again. It sounds terrible, I know, like I’m just leaving you hanging. But I’m way too close to this myself. My own feelings are still pretty much a mess when it comes to this. I’m not sure if I even can help you, or if I might just end up doing more harm than good. Like I said—this is our problem, but you’re the conduit at this point. You have to explore this. My heart is sick, but I can handle it. I have to. For her. For us.
Silence, as if Thorn had cut their bond. It stretched between them again, unwelcome and chilled.
No. She could tell he was still there, could feel him, in the same way you can feel someone standing behind you.
Finally, he replied. I understand. I don’t know where to turn, but I’ll take the first step.
Kira sighed, a sound braided of hurt and exhaustion. What about attacking this from a different direction? The dream? What about that?
You mean the details? Or when it happens?
Maybe both, but let’s start with the facts. You tried to ’cast, to bring our daughter back. You got it at least partially right and complete. You brought Nebo back from the dead. The planet is there, populated by millions of people there who owe you their lives. Oh, and there are millions more, on other worlds, who had friends and loved ones that they’d lost but were then returned to them, thanks to you.
Yes. I know. And that’s—don’t me wrong. That’s fantastic. But our daughter, Morgan, wasn’t—
Our daughter wasn’t on the planet when the Allied Stars census takers went to figure out exactly who came back. Which, incidentally, must have been a new experience for them. New and maybe even terrifying.
Despite his stress and sadness, Kira felt a flash of laughter across the light-years.
Yeah, I’m sure it was. I guess there are some AS bureaucrats who weren’t happy with it, though, since they had to do all the paperwork. Millions of birth certificates might thrill the Danzur, but not our people.
Kira smirked. Overworked bureaucrats? Good.
Screw ’em, she said. If it was my call, I’d have it in print, and in triplicate.
He laughed again. You’re vicious. I like it.
Just one of my good qualities. The other glaring result of what you tried is a new nebula.
The Witch Nebula, he said. He wasn’t bragging, just stating the surreal facts.
That’s what they’re calling it. In fact, I think the plan is for that to become its new, official name. Anyway, all ’casters, everywhere, felt it come into being. I remember walking along one of the Stiletto’s corridors, heading to a debriefing, when it hit. I had to stop and brace myself against a bulkhead. It was . . . not as extreme or prolonged as the Vision, but still intense. Especially considering no one knew exactly what had happened, only that it was something huge.
But you felt more? Thorn asked.
I did. I knew it involved you and our daughter. But that’s all I knew, that other ’casters didn’t. As you might recall, I was hammering on your mental door as soon as my head cleared enough that I could ’cast again.
I do, yeah.
Do you remember the other thing you felt as the Witch Nebula came into being?
A pause.
She winked out of existence, Thorn admitted.
And we all felt that, too. Just like we felt it when she—
Now it was Kira’s turn to pause, to take a mental breath.
Just like when she died, she said. Just like in the Vision.
Silence again. Again, she could feel Thorn at the far end of it.
Thorn, I think you need to admit to yourself that she didn’t come back—that she isn’t coming back.
She was right there, though, Kira. Right there. I could feel her. I could almost touch her. Just a little more effort, just a little more time—
Thorn, you said that she resisted you.
Something did.
Something?
Another pause. Okay. Yes. It was her. She pushed back. I don’t know why, but she pushed back.
And that’s important, I think. Thorn, it might not even be possible to do what you were trying to do. It worked with Trixie, but she’s a machine.
Tell that to the people of Nebo, all back from the dead. Seemed to work just fine for them.
Well, sure—but we don’t know the details, what the rules are, or at least what’s possible and what isn’t. Maybe you can’t bring back a Starcaster. Or maybe you can’t bring back your own daughter. There may very well be reasons for it that we just don’t—can’t—understand.
It’s like she didn’t want to come back.
Kira narrowed her eyes. For just an instant, a flicker of time, she felt Thorn was holding something back from her—it was a fugitive sensation, but it had been there, and the realization hit her like a physical blow.
Maybe she didn’t want to come back, Thorn. Maybe she’s somewhere that . . . she doesn’t want to leave.
Heaven? Or some analog for paradise?
I don’t know. Maybe, maybe not. It doesn’t matter what it’s called. It might just have been somewhere she doesn’t want to leave, now. She did— She paused and took that mental breath again. She did die as a young child. Maybe that has something to do with it.