Gods...it's her. It's her I miss. Not her body. Not even her face. Her…
I missed the brightness of her eyes, the hop in her step, the humble kindness that she showed to every person, no matter how despicable or stupid.
I cannot be kind, I thought. But to have such a kind woman...it would bring me great comfort.
I will never be anything but what I am, a creature of sharp words and sharp edges. She is so very soft...
The feelings I had for her felt lofty one on hand, like I was worshipping an angelic being. But I couldn't resist peeling down the blanket enough to give me a small peek at her body, and I was given more than I expected when she was wearing a thin linen nightgown, the darker color of her nipples showing clearly through it. With every strained breath, her breasts rose and fell slightly. My cock began to harden.
That isn't good... Lord Cyrus would return at some point. I forced myself to look away from her and focus on anything else. Dust motes. The distant sound of harp music. The thought of Jameson pleasuring a lonely orcwife. Oh, yes, that does collapse a man’s tower quite quickly…
As soon as I turned back to her, I was struck anew by how much of a treasure she was, how soft and lovely. It took my breath from me. I wondered if my father hd ever felt this way about my mother. I could imagine it, but I also thought that if Jenny were to love me and then I lost her, as my father lost my mother, I would be a different man. But my father didn’t seem to change at all.
You never loved Mother as she deserved, did you? I thought to my father, betraying his memory. After eight hundred some years, maybe I deserved a little honesty.
“I am sorry, little toad,” I said. “I was wrong about you. You are precious as a pearl, in fact—as they also come from the humblest of origins.”
"Bevan?" she murmured, her voice hardly more than a ragged whisper. Her eyes remained closed. The fever still had a grip on her.
“Jenny…I believe I have made a terrible mistake and you will not have me as your husband now.” I said the words to her delirium that I would never say to her if she was looking right at me with her eyes bright and aware. “In fact, I was trying to push you away because I didn’t think you would make a suitable wife. I am not a suitable husband. I don’t understand my fate. Most of all, I don’t understand how it is that I feel…as I feel about you. My body desires you, but I think my heart desires you more.”
Her eyes opened very slowly. “Variel…I think I’m dreaming. Are you saying that you…”
“I love you,” I whispered.
Her face was a sickening pale color, even her lips drained of pink, while she was covered in sweat. Her eyes were so glazed. But she smiled, and her smile was so beautiful.
“I’m scared. I don’t want to die,” she said, her eyes searching.
I wondered if my mother looked like this on her deathbed, drenched in sweat from giving birth to me.
“I’ll protect you,” I said. “Lord Death is no match for Lord Variel.”
I took her small hand in mine, and she gripped one of my fingers and tugged my hand against her chest as she drifted back to unconsciousness. My palm was resting against the swell of her breast, and she was so very soft, but I didn’t dare move, or even consider how alluring she was. I simply wanted her to be well.
She slept for hours upon hours, and occasionally my left hand reached for one of the other cloths that Cyrus had left in a basket on the nightstand, but I let her keep holding my right hand as long as she needed to. Her skin was so hot, but she was very much alive, and the longer I sat there, the longer I could think of nothing else but my focus on her. I began to treasure this moment, knowing that once she was well, she would be angry at me again, as she slept in Bevan’s arms.
Somewhere in the palace, harp music played. I started to drift into a light sleep myself.
"You!" Her voice snapped me back to reality. "Were you...touching me!? Watching me?” Her hands, weak as they were, snapped the covers up to her chin.
Chapter Four
Jenny
"I was holding your hand while you were ill," Variel said. “You—you took my hand.”
My nipple was hard, my skin tingling in the wake of his touch. “Your hand was resting on my breast,” I said, and then I was wracked with coughing. “And how long have you just been…here?”
It took me a minute to realize I wasn't in Variel's bed anymore. I didn't recognize this place, but it was very nice. Could it be some temple of healing? Why was he here?
I glanced at his massive hand, thinking of that hand caressing me. My breast was still tingling, as if my body was a lot more excited by Variel than my brain was.
"I should not have touched you at all. I wanted to bring you the comfort of someone’s company…”
“Surely you know I don’t want yours!”
“I wouldn’t have taken your hand if you had not taken mine,” he said. “But I see it was offensive to you.”
"Is Bevan here?" I asked.
"Bevan took the first shift caring for you," Variel said. "It's my turn to watch over you now. You've been very ill. I'm glad to see you feeling better."
"I never asked to be your servant," I said. "All I wanted was to be Bevan's apprentice. I still started to like you. I thought my cooking made you happy. I thought maybe we'd learn to be a family, and I wanted that more than I cared to admit." I had to pause to cough more.
"My lady," he said, offering me a glass of water.
"My lady!? I'm not! I'm trying to tell you that I know what you did to us. You thought Bevan would force himself on me, and you...you wanted to see the man I love hurt me." I swallowed. "I expect you will force me to come back with you and serve you, and make me and Bevan have babies or whatever it is you really want, but--"
“I don’t want to hurt you, quite the opposite,” Variel blurted. "Lady Knucklebones foresaw that you were meant for me, and I was too much a prideful ass to admit that my bride should be a toad shifter. But...I was terribly wrong. You are the finest girl I have ever met. The only girl to truly stir my flesh and bring joy to my soul. Jenny, I adore you." He lowered his head. "I will make you mine."
My mouth fell open. In some way this was even worse. "I'm already in love! You know that! If you adore me, you'll just let me be happy and...and acknowledge that you did something very cruel to us."
"It was a mistake," Variel said. "I will offer an apology for my actions that night. It was a cruel deed."
"Well, I do appreciate you saying that." I sipped the water, sinking into my deep pile of pillows as the fever started to overcome me again.
"But I…I must try to win you,” he insisted. "You are to be mine and I will do everything in my power to make you happy to be with me."
"That isn't how it works!"
"I have never felt so strongly about anything." He stood up with a note of finality, but he gazed down at me for a moment from his full height, his eyes that eerie glowing red, his horns making him look dangerous at all times, even when he was trying to be a little more gentle.