She could coast on being a yoga teacher and let that be how she was making the world a better place, one ohm at a time, but she knew that wasn’t enough. She had to help people in trouble and face down bullies, wherever she was. And I’d done enough soul searching myself to know that I was one of those people who could be a bully if I let myself. I hadn’t meant to, but I had bowled right over the woman I’d professed to love, and I’d made her feel insecure and unloved. The cracks in my heart that had never quite healed, bled a little. I never intended to be that person again.
Mona would never let me be that person. She would stand up to me. She was my equal. In some ways, she was my better. I needed her. I wanted her. And I thought she wanted me too.
That morning when she woke up and found herself in my arms, I was awake. I felt her stiffen, surprised, but then melt back into me and nuzzle my neck. I felt her hands caress my back like she wanted to be there, wanted to stay in my arms. I would keep her forever if she let me, so I kept my eyes closed, pretending to be asleep, hoping she would let me.
She didn’t. She sighed and slipped out of my arms, and I knew she wasn’t ready yet, but something gave me hope. She didn’t hate me anymore. She admitted we were friends. She let herself have fun with me. She trusted me. And she owed me a favor—which I was coming to collect.
I only felt the smallest of twinges of conscience that I was using her favor to make her fall in love with me, but I knew that if she really didn’t want it, nothing I did would make her go with me, or fall for me, or do anything else with me. I kept remembering the way she was in my arms when she didn’t think she was being watched, when her guard was down, when she just allowed herself to feel instead of being defensive and angry.
She was so stubborn. I loved that about her, but it was inconvenient, to say the least, when she used it to keep me at a distance, as she had the last two weeks we’d been back in Brooklyn. But I knew now she was afraid to spend time with me, afraid to let me get close.
I wasn’t going to let her stubbornness ruin something that could be really important. It could be fate and meant to be. I’d once thought that was nonsense, but I didn’t anymore.
I clanged up the iron steps of her building, ignoring how the manager of the yoga studio on the right flipped me a thumbs up through the glass, and slipped through the residential door. I pressed the buzzer.
“Who is it?” Mona’s voice was tiny through the intercom.
“It’s Jack. I need to talk to you.”
“Jack?” She sounded surprised. “I’m watching a movie, Jack. It’s not a good time.”
“Maybe not, but it’s an emergency. And you owe me a favor.”
There was a pause, and I could imagine her rolling her eyes and sighing. “Fine,” the intercom said finally, and she buzzed the door open. I did not hesitate. This was it. I ran up the stairs two at a time. She was at the door holding it half open.
“Mona.” Her name escaped from my lips.
She stepped out into the hall, closing the door all but an inch, her hand still on the doorknob like she was ready to flee back inside and lock me out if I stepped out of line.
Fine. She was nervous. She liked me. And it scared her. This would be a delicate balance. “I’ve come for my favor.”
“I suppose I knew it was coming.” She sighed heavily, ready to be sentenced.
“It’s nothing outside of bounds, don’t worry. In fact, it’s pretty much an equal trade for the favor I gave you.”
She scowled at me. “How?”
“I have to take a trip . . . for business . . . You see, I can’t get out of it. And I need you to save me.”
“How can I save you from your business trip? And wait. You’re a photographer. I thought that was an art, not a business.”
“Taking photographs may be an art, but getting them into exhibitions, publishing them, working with galleries, and getting guest artist teaching gigs at universities is—”
“You’re a professor?” She gawked at me. “I can’t imagine it.”
I huffed a laugh. “I am, sometimes. I guess I don’t exactly talk with you about my work, do I?”
She shook her head, her eyes still wide. Then, she bit her lip.
A bolt of longing went through my loins, and I almost laughed at the thought in my head. When did I start thinking of lust as a bolt of longing through my loins? I had to stick to business. The favor. “This event is run by a woman who has been, uhm, how do I say this? Hunting me down like a prize buck? I put her off last time, but she’s made it known that I won’t be able to do it again.”
Mona laughed out loud. She took a step out into the hall with me and closed the door behind her. I smiled at her, but leaned back against the stair rail, not wanting to chase her away.
“You need me to save you from the big bad sexually aggressive lady?”
“In a phrase: Yes, please.”
“How am I supposed to do that?”
“By coming on the trip with me and pretending to be my girlfriend so she doesn’t bother me and I don’t lose professional connections by turning her down.” I braced myself for her angry rejection. It was a ridiculous set up. She had to see right through it.
“Oh. You want me to be your beard. Sure. I’ve been a beard before. One of my good friends in college wasn’t ready to come out as gay to his family, so I went home with him and played his girlfriend until he was ready to tell them he didn’t like girls at all. I can totally do this. I’m an expert beard.”
It was on the tip of my tongue to tell her that the difference was that I was not gay and I was in love with her. The wiser part of me told me to shut up. If she needed the beard fantasy to allow herself to come with me, then I’d let her pretend. She knew full well I wasn’t gay. And she knew full well that something in her wanted to be with me.
“Great. The trip lasts the weekend. All expenses paid. We leave tomorrow morning. I’ll pick you up at six. Dress for the tropics.” I started for the stairs, and she stopped me three steps down.
“Wait! So soon? I can’t go. I have classes to teach. Getting people to cover for my classes is—”
“Already taken care of.”
“What? You got my classes covered? Before I even said yes?” She was starting to get angry. I needed to end this conversation.
“It was an accident,” I said—only slightly fibbing. “I stopped by the yoga studio to talk to you yesterday and you were teaching. So, I was talking to your manager who was running the place …”
“Suzanne?” Her features darkened, and her voice took on a dangerous tone. Which was good for me. If she was mad at Suzanne, and not me, she was less likely to cancel the trip. If she fired Suzanne, I’d get her a new job. Hell, I’d get her her own yoga studio if this plan for getting Mona to fall in love with me actually worked.
“Yes, Suzanne. I told her I needed to ask you a favor, and I suppose I may have given away too many details since I wasn’t sure you would be available for the dates, and she just …”
“Let me guess, she offered to sub for me.”
“Yes! How did you know?” I asked innocently, even though I knew how she knew. Suzanne had looked me up and down and nearly salivated at the chance to play matchmaker with her boss who, and I quote, “needed to get laid.”