I'd never said that aloud. I'd been in my father's camp. I still would be, officially, if there was an officially for me after this.
Silence, then. "You can't stay there, Annie. Mark and I went to a lot of work to get you out. We – "
"You put me in a mental hospital!" I shouted it. "You fucking put me in a mental hospital even though I was somewhere I was getting help and I didn't ask you to come save me."
There was a pause during which we both drew in our breath, and then I said, "You know what, dad? Just don't call me for a while."
I hung up and stood with my hand pressing the phone into the cradle, resisting the urge to grind the thing into dust. Breathing very slowly through my nose, I finally turned around.
Cole stood in the doorway.
"Kneel, and tell me what that was about."
His voice was cold but something about it wasn't in control. There was a tremor underneath that didn't fit the often cold, always in control man. I chose not to kneel not because I wasn't ready to be back and submitting but because I didn't trust him. There was something that wasn't right. Not as controlled as it had been.
Or to put it another way, there was a vibe I didn't like and over the years dealing with dealers and living with gangs I'd learned to listen.
"I didn't place the call. One came in repeatedly. When the phone kept ringing, I thought it was probably all right because it meant you had the phones on in here. I also thought it might be an emergency."
Because I wasn't looking down anymore than I was kneeling, I saw his expression as he considered this. To my relief, he gave it serious consideration and seemed to agree.
"Was it... An emergency?"
"No, sir. It was my father in a rage."
There was a brief struggle on Cole's face and then he burst out laughing, surprising me into doing the same. "I'll just bet he was. He must have been a hell of a cop, Annie Knox, but he's a bastard of a man."
Once I would have dropped anyone who dared to say such a thing about my father. Now I just agreed. There was a core of sadness there.
"He is. When we were growing up – me and my sisters - you know I have three sisters?"
He nodded and leaned his shoulder against the doorjamb.
"When we were growing up he was strict as shit. About dates, about makeup, about who we could ride with. Most of the time I was on his side because, well, why not? My sisters didn't like me anyway and he was right about a bunch of stuff. There were some date rapes at my high school and I didn't mind if he wanted to check out the guy I was going to spend an evening with and put a little fear into him."
"You sound like you were sensible."
I couldn't tell if that meant; So what happened to change sensible into you?
I shrugged. "I was boring. I was straight-laced. I was liberal in my politics and Democrat to the center of my soul but I was conservative as fuck where my parents’ beliefs were concerned."
Something in my voice made him smile. "Until?"
I smiled back. "Until Danny. Danny was – oh, wow - Danny was so hot. The mouth, the eyes, the muscles, the way he'd pretend to listen, all concerned, to what the girl had to say."
Cole choked on that one. "Pretended."
"Oh, hell yeah," I said, smiling and shaking my head. "But we wore each other out before he got sick of pretending and I got tired of pretending I believed him. And that turned the corner for me. I'd sneak out to see him. I'd violate curfew, my father's and the city's. I tried smoking with Danny and was green for about a week, but I tried weed and it was as great as Danny. I'm glad for him, too. Because that was the Annie who could take her career where it needed to go. My father's Annie would have dreamed of making a difference while she was riding a desk."
There was a short silence between us before Cole said, "Is he coming?"
"No. He's through with me until I'm through with you."
Something passed over his face then, the same thing I'd seen flit past when I said I had considered school and DEA and the other things we'd discussed, only he hadn't been in the picture I painted. Before I could ask anything, he said, "He's not coming?"
"No. He won't interfere again."
Cole nodded, clearly not finished. "What about Mark?"
I bit my lip. "I agree with my father in that regard. I have to make a decision. I'd hoped it could wait until..." I stopped. Because I had no idea until what.
Cole waited. He waited and listened more honestly than Danny.
"I hoped there'd be a nice, definitive moment when everything made sense. When I was pretty sure the fet was behind me. When I knew what I wanted to do and where I wanted to live and work and whether or not I wanted to be with Mark."
He just raised those peaked and devilish eyebrows.
"I don't know yet. But I can't keep stringing him along. And if every time I go hom – back to the apartment - it feels wrong and weird and I feel out of place, then I think that's my answer."
Cole nodded, not offering any thoughts. "When will you want to go and talk to him?"
Abruptly I wanted to shout at him, demand he show some emotion. Didn't he care? Where was the fiery, emotional, or cold and controlling Master?
"I don't know. I don't know anything."
And then Cole did move. The triangular smile flashed, so he looked like Loki again, prowling through an Avengers movie. He crossed the distance between the doorway and where I stood beside the phone.
"Where do you want to be?" he asked.
He was standing too close. I could feel his heat. I could feel him.
"I don't know." The stubborn side of me.
"You have to know. You have to decide."
"I don't know."
Pause. A stillness that was a palpable threat. "Do you want to be here?"
"I don't know."
He moved fast and caught my chin in his hand, squeezing it even as he raised my head. "Do you want to be here?"
"Yes!"
His eyes narrowed. The smile remained, completely chilling now. "Then you have to kneel on your own. You have to ask to return and commit to submission. If you want to stay here, you're going to be mine. Otherwise..."
"Otherwise?" I swallowed hard, suddenly feeling adrift.
Abruptly he let go of me. "Otherwise, you can stay until you are ready for school and then I'll loan you whatever you need to get settled wherever you're going."
He didn't look at me again as he stalked to the door. But he stopped in the doorway and said, "But if you're going to stay, you need to come to me in the next hour, and submit."
9
Cole
It had to be up to her.
In the meantime, I spent the hour creatively.
"Jason."
He was in my office seconds later. "Boss."
"Where are Kie's men?"
Jason gave me a long look. He'd grown considerably since he'd smirked rather than helped Annie when Kie hurt her. He'd been taken out by sympathetic and understanding EMTs – anyone and anything can be bribed – patched up and sent back. Somewhere along the line he'd come to understand his place in the scheme of things and in turn, become my first in command.