He can’t help it, can he? A wicked draw of a smirk brings light to his face, and he comes for me. In an instant I’m slung up over his shoulder and I pull at his hair and try to wrestle myself free of his hold.
“Shawn are you fucking kidding me?” I snap, trying to get free.
He keeps me perfectly in place until he wants to sling me down into the shower and presses me hard against the wall, pinning me there by my throat.
“Like this?” he asks, breathing heavily as he stands there, his hard length pressing me into the stone, fingers only putting a small amount of pressure on my neck.
We’re both still fully clothed, and I stare up into his eyes, unafraid, impatient, and wild with the need to release the confusion and anger piling up inside me.
“I’m not afraid of pain, Mr. Van Doren,” I hiss in his face. “Although it seems like you are.”
Shawn seems surprised, and he ponders this for a few moments, the thick curve of his cock beneath his pants shoved against my pussy. I hold back a desperate moan as I try to stay focused. Maybe he doesn’t even realize that he’s afraid of it. The emotional pain of becoming vulnerable. Not that I know much about it, but I have no other choice. My entire life, past and present is in their hands.
“Are you trying to give me a lesson now?” he asks huskily, his minty breath clouding my mind and saturating me with desire.
“You don’t know everything,” I push back on his shoulders. “Remember? You told me yourself. You’re not God.”
“Oh Allie, the things I’m going to do to you,” he says as he drags his finger down my chest, swirling over my now tight nipples, drawing it down just above my clit. “Your secrets will cost you.”
“What about yours?” I snap, catching him unaware as I jerk him off of me and shove him against the other wall, accidentally hitting the brass handle to the shower water, which Shawn hurriedly turns to warm. Water rains down on us, and I gasp as Shawn disarms me once again and shoves me back to my prior placement, his mouth covering mine.
Water trickles between our lips and down our faces, our clothes and hair drenched. My spandex leggings and workout top cling to my skin, and his white dress shirt is soaked, the clean white giving way to near transparency, his tan skin peeking from beneath the sheer covering. Our mouths grind against one another’s in a clash of wills, and I’m drunk on him, the continual newness of his body, the thrill of the unspoken challenge, and the way I can feel in his urgency his need to somehow find himself within me.
“You don’t know how to open up to anyone,” I say between violent kisses. “You’re kind of an asshole. And you don’t know how to communicate.”
He nods quickly, his tongue lashing with mine as he coaxes me to continue.
“How can I know that Penny even,” I kiss him anxiously, and he bites my lip midway as if he’ll stop me from finishing my sentence, groaning as the taste of blood enters both our mouths. But I have to finish my question, because if I don’t I’ll feel incomplete. “How can I know that Penny wanted to be with you guys?”
Shawn slows his kiss, and his hesitance at this question is apparent as his movements level off. As he thinks, he suckles on the lip that he’s bitten a bit too hard. It’s a dull pain, but the way he sucks it nearly douses the sting. What hurts worse is the silence.
“You can’t know for certain,” he says, pulling away from me so that both his palms lay flat on the wall behind me, and I’m left to stare into his severe face, water tumbling down us; a heavy white noise. Droplets accumulate in the corners of his mouth and stream down his cheekbones. We stare at one another in silence, listening to the shower as if somehow we’ll find the meaning to everything if we just wait.
“Why would I give you pictures of your mom and sister, alive, if I wasn’t worried about your wellbeing? Why would I have saved you from James and Daniel if I didn’t care? Do you think Alexi and Rhett care about you? Do you think we just want to fuck you for fun? We could fuck any random girl at a club,” his ripped body sags against mine, and he closes his eyes for one solitary moment. “I know that this is hard…” he flounders for words, trying to find the right thing to say. “But if you answer those questions yourself, you might ask yourself another question.”
“What’s that?” I say, voice hollow as water courses down my face.
“Look inside,” he speaks quietly, and lays his right palm over the wet swell of my breasts, over my heart. “Ask yourself, was this ever one-sided?”
I balk. He’s telling me that each one of them cares deeply for me, and I have to wonder, why would Penny not want that? Why would she ignore it? Could she have? Could their level of care exist without Penny having given them something in return? His gaze entrances me and all of the questions subside into a million little pieces that nearly dissipate before my eyes.
I know, just like I knew before when reality laid into me that I want each of them. I belong with them. I’m a mess just like they are, even if they don’t admit it. We’re dark, bitter, and fucking reckless. I would follow them down to hell, I think, if I had to.
My arms tether around Shawn’s neck, and I lift off my tiptoes and kiss him more gently, allowing myself to feel every unknown, every question, and every piece of my past that I’m lacking. All I know is that I can’t survive without them, as foolish as that sounds. I can’t live this life without them, not now that I know they exist.
“Don’t shut me out,” I say, nuzzling his nose with mine. “Try to let me in.”
Shawn nods stiffly, and then kisses my nose and forehead. I can tell that his expression is strained; his mind a prison for his true thoughts.
“Time for your punishment,” he orders, voice nearly raspy.
Shawn strips himself with expertise; in two fell swoops of his hands he is standing there naked before me, his long cock bobbing upright. With one hand he jerks my skin-tight workout pants from my body and then flings them out of the shower, baring my ass and bald cunt. My skin tingles and my pussy clenches in response, wetness gathering in my folds as I anticipate what he’ll do to me. I hold my breath as he releases my breasts from my workout top and he gathers them in his hands and squeezes them, the heaviness of them aching as he rolls my nipples between his fingers.
“Do you know what you do to me, sweetheart?” he squeezes tighter, whitening the skin around his tan fingers. “I love those little gasps you make when I fuck you. I love how hungry your body becomes.”
Shawn releases one breast and takes my hand so that I’m gripping his cock. I hold onto him and bite my lip, my fingers tugging at him. He makes a noise of approval and then grips my breasts again, massaging them as I pump him, breathless as I recognize the bundling demand for orgasm sparkling in my core.
“I’m always hard for you. Just being around you reminds me of what our bodies can do. Of the taste of that sweet cream between your legs,” he moves his hips to dip into the tight grip of my hand. “I want that sweetness all over my cock.”
“Shawn,” I whine, lost in the feel of him, of his hands painfully groping my breasts, the pain sending tender strings of pleasure straight down to my clit.
Without speaking, he flips me over so that I’m bent in front of him, and he slaps my ass. He growls, gripping my hip to keep me in place.