Friday, I was upstairs eating my sandwich at the little table near the coffee maker from hell when my phone vibrated in my pocket. I tried not to take calls at work, so I glanced around before fishing it out. As soon as I recognized the number of the rehab facility where Dad was, it seemed as if everything went into one of those fish-eye lens warps where my phone was as big as a plate and everything around me shrunk and faded away at the edges.
My heart pounded in my throat as I tapped answer.
“Is this Finn?” a disembodied female voice inquired.
“Yes.”
“This is Becca, the nursing supervisor at the rehab center. We had to send your dad back over to the hospital.”
I felt my throat closing and my stomach threatening to send my sandwich back up.
“What’s wrong?”
“Your dad’s okay,” she said reassuringly. “It’s really just precautionary. His pulse and respiration were elevated and he was complaining of chest pain. He has had a cough, so it could just be allergy or cold related, but we want to be absolutely sure.”
“How long will he be there?” My voice shook.
“Well, they will probably keep him overnight for observation. We like to be absolutely sure with patients where paralysis is present.”
“Okay. Thank you for letting me know.”
After ending the call, I stared at my phone without really focusing on anything at all. I was worried sick about Dad, but the other worry niggling at the back of my mind was how we would pay for it. And didn’t that just make me feel like shit? My dad was in the hospital, and I had to think about money. It wasn’t as if I could pull extra shifts at Atelier, but it also meant I couldn’t quit as I had been thinking of doing.
With everyone out for lunch, at least off the top floor, I pushed the rest of my meal away along with my phone, and buried my head in my hands. I loved my dad, and I wanted the very best care for him, but I honestly didn’t know how long I could keep juggling all the balls to keep Dad in rehab and me with a place to live.
I tried really hard not to let the worry overwhelm me. Most of the time I succeeded. So I wasn’t sure what it was about this day that was different. But it was. When I actually sobbed, I clapped one of my hands over my mouth and hastily wiped the tears from my face.
I didn’t want anyone here to think I was anything other than the upbeat guy I’d managed to be since starting at the law firm.
“Finn?”
At the sound of Tamsin’s deep voice, I looked up to find him leaning against the door jamb, his feet crossed at the ankle and one hand in his pants pocket.
“What’s going on?” His tone was even, non-threatening.
I shook my head. “Nothing.”
“Didn’t look like nothing...or sound like it either.”
He straightened from his prop and crossed the few feet to the small table, pulling out a chair and sitting sideways in it so his body was that much closer to mine. He rubbed my shoulder with one hand.
“Holding our troubles inside can often make them seem much bigger than they are. Letting go and confiding may not bring you a solution, but it can bring some relief. Why don’t you tell me what’s up. Even if I can’t cure it, I can offer a sympathetic ear.”
I glanced at his bright blue gaze and found myself captured by the warmth and gentleness there. He had a way of making me feel that he really cared about my problems, made me feel safe in a way I hadn’t for a long time, maybe years. Certainly long before Mother disappeared from my life. It was just so hard to keep carrying the burden. Even Simon didn’t know everything.
Tamsin’s hand continued to comfort. The sensation relaxed me.
“I told you about my dad. The rehab facility just called and said they’ve taken him to the hospital. Just overnight, but I guess I just freaked. His insurance is maxed out. We didn’t have a great policy anyway...”
“What happened to him?” Tamsin’s voice was low.
“I don’t know exactly. I was living on campus. I know it was something my mother did.” I sucked in a shaky breath. “She abused us both. My dad is the nicest, kindest person I know, and he loved her. But she was never happy. She wanted more out of life than what he could provide so she was going after some corporate negotiator position. Even though it was here in town, I think he felt like they’d never see each other—not that she cared. They fought a lot. I think she might have pushed him or something, but he would never say, never press charges, so she’s gotten away with it. Gotten away with it and dumped all the care and bills on Dad and me.”
As I listened to myself spewing all of our family laundry, filthy as it was, for Tamsin to hear, I was suddenly horrified at what I had done.
I clapped that hand back over my mouth again, but just like the sob that must have given away my presence to begin with, it was way too late to take it back. I took my hand away.
“I’m so sorry. I can’t believe I just dumped all of this on you. I shouldn’t be airing all this crap at work. I’ll be good from now on. I swear. Please don’t fire me. I’ll be the best intern you’ve ever had. It’s just I really, really need this position.”
Tamsin squeezed my shoulder.
“Easy, Finn. You still have your position here. I’m certainly not going to be upset with you for worrying about your dad. In fact, I think you’re being incredibly brave for shouldering this kind of responsibility at your age. I don’t know many men who would...or could.”
My heart skipped a beat at his praise.
“Finn, you’re doing an excellent job for us. Gabby and everyone has told me that. I think so too. And knowing you’ve been doing that while handling all these personal issues is even more admirable. If you need some help with some of the expenses...”
I shook my head. “We can manage.”
Tamsin’s eyes narrowed before he leaned back in the chair, releasing his hold on me. “No problem, but you do need to see your dad. Take the rest of the afternoon off. Fridays are always slow. We’ll start again first thing Monday.”
I nodded and scooped up my phone. Tamsin gave me a reassuring smile as I left. I called the hospital as soon as I got out on the street. Dad was still undergoing tests. Once that was done they would move him to a room in the evening, and I could see him then.
I had to remind myself to be patient. Going to the hospital right now would accomplish nothing. I could go to the house, take a shower and change clothes before heading over to see my dad.
I gazed out the bus window on the way home. Needing to take my mind off my dad, I focused on Tamsin instead. His whole manner was so disarming, it was easy to just open up and tell him everything...like I had. If he used that same technique in a courtroom, he must be killer.
He always seemed to be such a rock, but every now and then I would catch a look on his face...like the first day when I’d walked out of the bathroom and he’d looked so alone. Who did he talk to? Who listened to his problems?
I wondered what it would be like to have him trust me enough to confide in me. It sent a shiver of pleasure through me.
When I arrived back at the house, the place was deserted. That didn’t happen often. There always seemed to be people hanging out playing video games, music, or both. But I had the house to myself. I climbed the steps to the second floor, quickly checked to see no one was truly around, and stripped off my clothes.