It was a lot like I used to imagine holidays must've been for my friends. There had been times as a child when I wished to have what I thought of as a normal family, and there were a few times during the day that those feelings returned. It wasn't until later that night when I thought back over the day that I realized that things weren't as perfect as I'd thought. While Hanna's parents weren't cruel or mean, their stories, their behavior, always focused on their son. They'd said little about Juliette's success, expressed little interest in their daughters' lives other than how they reflected back on RJ. The fact that neither woman said anything about it told me that they were used to it.
I went to sleep that night wondering if having a family was worth all that drama. My own solitary Thanksgivings suddenly seemed a bit more appealing.
The day after Thanksgiving was the traditional time for the Breckenridge family to do their Christmas decorating, so I spent the entire morning and early afternoon helping RJ and Mr. Breckenridge haul giant boxes down from the attic, assisting in putting up lights and hanging decorations in the house that the women were too short to reach.
Now, I was enjoying the solitude of an empty bathroom after having taken a shower. The lack of time to myself was starting to get to me, and I was glad this was our last day here. Hanna and I would be leaving tomorrow morning, and thanks to the time difference, we'd have the rest of the day to recuperate from jet lag, then spend Sunday making up for lost time before getting back to work on Monday. While things hadn't been as bad as I'd feared they'd be, I couldn't deny that I was grateful we lived far away from Hanna's family. I couldn't have dealt with this all the time.
I ran my hand over my chin as I looked in the mirror. I'd shaved yesterday morning, but hadn't bothered yet today. There was some stubble, but I didn't think I needed to be clean-shaven at the moment, so I could pack up the toiletries I'd left in the bathroom that Hanna and I were sharing with Juliette. As I reached for my razor, my hand bumped the toothpaste, sending it right into the trashcan. Sighing, I bent over to pick it up...
And froze.
I closed my eyes, then opened them again, telling myself that I had to be seeing things.
Except I wasn't.
Right there, laying under a few bits of toilet paper, was a pregnancy test.
A positive pregnancy test.
I sank down to sit on the edge of the tub. My legs were numb, my stomach churning and flipping. Blood rushed in my ears.
Why hadn't Hanna told me she was pregnant? She could've taken me aside any time today. Or was she waiting until we got back to California because she didn't know how I'd react?
The questions ran circles in my head.
How had this happened? I mean, I wasn't an idiot. I knew how sex worked. But I also knew we'd always been careful. Sure, we weren't using condoms anymore, but she was on the pill and that was more effective anyway.
Or at least I'd thought it was. With other women, I'd always worn condoms because I didn't trust that they were clean or on the pill. Maybe that was my mistake. I'd trusted Hanna to take care of things. She was responsible, organized. I never worried about her forgetting, especially since she'd been on birth control for a while.
But maybe she hadn't forgotten.
The implication of that one simple statement nearly knocked me on my ass.
Was it possible that this hadn't been an accident? Had Hanna purposefully stopped taking birth control in the hopes of getting pregnant? Men like me were great targets for that sort of thing. Women who thought that getting pregnant by a rich guy would mean enough child support to live comfortably for the next eighteen years. Or, even worse, ones who thought that a baby would automatically mean an engagement, a wedding. Women who wanted to snag a rich husband pulled that sort of shit all the time.
I'd just never thought about Hanna that way.
We'd been happy how we were. Or at least I'd thought so. Maybe I didn't know her as well as I thought I did. Her parents were clearly all about marriage and family for their girls. Maybe the pressure had been too much for her, and she'd decided this was the best way to take care of it.
The shock had started to wear off and was being replaced by both panic and anger. I clung to the latter, not wanting to give in to the former. If I did, then I'd have to start thinking about all the ways my life was about to change.
I'd never been one to shirk my responsibilities, but this was different than if we'd both forgotten to use a condom one night, or if the condom had been faulty. This wasn't even as if she'd been on something that would've nullified the birth control. She had to have done it on purpose.
All of these ugly thoughts were at the surface when the door opened.
“There you are,” Hanna said.
Her bright smile, which would usually send a bolt of desire through me, just pissed me off even more.
“Mom and I–”
“When were you planning on telling me?” I cut her off, the words feeling like knives leaving my throat.
She stepped inside the bathroom and played dumb. “What are you talking about?”
“Come on, Hanna,” I snapped and stood up, but kept as much distance as possible between us. “You might as well admit it. I know.”
Her eyes narrowed. “I have no idea what you're talking about, and I really don't appreciate the way you're speaking to me.” Her words were precise, clipped. The way she spoke when she was keeping her temper in check.
I didn't care though. All I could think about was how she'd screwed up my life.
“You're pregnant!”
Her eyes widened, and I thought I saw guilt in her surprise. “What the hell are you talking about?”
I glared down at her. Was she seriously going to play innocent here? I leaned down and pulled the test from the garbage.
“I'm not an idiot, Hanna. I know how to read these fucking things.” I thrust it at her, and her eyes grew wide in horror. “When did you decide to do it? Back when we first met? After Juliette was rescued?”
“What are you talking about?” Frustration and anger and something else showed in Hanna's eyes as she folded her arms across her chest. “That isn't mine.”
“Like hell it's not.” I tossed it back into the trash can and washed my hands, scrubbing them as hard as possible. “You're going to tell me that it's your mom's? That it somehow magically appeared in here?” I dried my hands and crossed my own arms, not trusting myself not to hit the wall or mirror. “You really expect me to believe that you didn't purposefully get yourself pregnant so I'd marry you or so you could get money from me?”
Two spots of color appeared high on Hanna's cheeks. “Is that really what you think of me?” Her words were quiet but full of so much pain that it almost pushed away my anger.
Almost.
“Do you really think I'd do something like that? Trick you into knocking me up in the hopes you'd make a commitment? Do you think I'd actually want you that way? Forced into it?” Her eyes were shining with tears. “I'm not pregnant, Cross.”
“You're lying.” I looked away, focusing on the wall behind her.
“She's not.”
The words came from behind me and I turned to see Juliette standing in the doorway between her room and the bathroom.