“I just got everything fresh today, so enjoy,” she said, taking a seat opposite me in her usual place.
“How was the train ride?” Dad asked.
“I fell asleep, so there isn’t much to report.”
“You always could sleep through a storm,” Shane teased.
“Yeah. Remember that one time we were blasting Slayer and she still wouldn’t wake up?” Eddy said with a chuckle as he made himself a sandwich.
I did not meet Shane’s eyes, but I was pretty sure he could see me blushing. Damn him. How could he still affect me like this, years later? I was an adult, dammit, not some heartsick teenager with an unrequited crush. I tried to remind myself of this as I ignored him, cramming the delicious sandwich in my mouth. The Italian bread was fresh. No one in Philly could convince me there was finer food anywhere else.
“So, Shane,” Mom began, “how’s business going?”
“It’s booming. I just acquired some land over in Carroll Gardens. We’re fixing it up and selling it,” he said.
“That’s wonderful!” she beamed. “Your parents are so proud of you, you know.”
“You know… gotta do what I gotta do.” He shrugged nonchalantly.
“And thanks for helping Eddy and Sasha with our anniversary planning,” Mom added.
I nearly spat out my drink. “He’s helping us?”
“Oh. You didn’t know? Shane and his mom both agreed to help,” she replied.
“Okay,” I replied mutinously. On the inside, I was bursting with confusion. Why on earth did he have to be a part of this? It was none of his business! Or was it? I mean, he did grow up with me. My parents were practically like an aunt and an uncle to him. And my brother? He was like a brother to him as well.
“Don’t look too excited about it,” Shane teased.
“No. Thank you,” I replied, regaining my composure. “I just didn’t know. It’s such an important thing. I already have ideas—plans, you know?” I lied. I reached for the mayonnaise, and as I did, his hand grazed mine. He’d reached for it, too. Our gazes locked, and I felt that all-too-familiar rush of desire again. I wrenched my hand away and stood up abruptly.
“I feel kinda… nauseated… I think the train did it to me. I’m going to go rest for a few.”
“Oh… Of course.” Mom looked disappointed.
“I’ll be fine. Just need some rest,” I assured her.
“Okay. We are having coffee and banana cream pie a bit later, so I’ll knock on your door to see if you want some,” she offered. I nodded, avoiding looking at Shane.
“I’ll bring your bag up, then,” Eddy said.
“Okay, thanks.”
My brother and I left the dining room, leaving Shane to talk with my parents. He and my dad were pals as much as he and my brother were, and I could hear them laughing about something. I scoffed and rolled my eyes.
“I can’t believe Mom and Dad have him over. Why does he have to be involved?” I ranted bitterly, even though I knew very well we were like family to him.
“I can’t believe you still hate him,” Eddy said, grabbing my bag. He followed me up the stairs.
“I don’t hate him, but this is a family affair,” I pointed out.
“Exactly. You know he’s like a brother to me.”
We climbed the stairs, each step bringing back feelings of familiarity and a trail of memories from my life. “Well, I’m your sister, and I don’t like it,” I said with a sigh.
Eddy and I reached my room, which was cold and dark. The air conditioner was on full blast, and as I flipped the light switch on, my old room swam into my vision. My four-poster bed with drapes created a dark canopy. My Edgar Allan Poe collection joined my feminist books on the large black bookshelf. My old PC was still there, situated neatly on my desk, which was still covered with post-it notes. Everything was neat and in its place, just as I had left it.
Eddy put my bag down. “Just give it a chance. He’s a really good guy. I know because he’s my best friend.”
“Fine,” I grumbled. My room brought back some of those old feelings again. I had mourned Shane in this room. I was a few years older now, but not much back here had changed after all.
I was unpacking when I received a call from my artist friend, Allison. She had been my roommate for most of my time in college. She was debating moving up to NYC with me, since it was a hotspot for art. She hadn’t made up her mind, even if I wanted her to move here terribly. We were like two peas in a pod, and the only reason I could even begin to imagine my life separate from her was because I cared about her happiness.
“Hey, girl,” I said, holding my smartphone between my cheek and my shoulder as I unpacked.
“Hey, what’s up? Did you make it home okay?” she asked. I imagined her in her studio, with her long braids and big black glasses, and an interesting painting as her backdrop.
“Yeah. I assume you’re in the studio?”
“Yep. How’s Eddy?”
“He’s good. Shane is here.”
“Oh… no,” she breathed. I heard her sigh on the phone. She knew very well who Shane was. My freshman year, I had relentlessly stalked his Facebook because I wasn’t over him or the heartbreak I’d left behind in New York City. “I thought you usually avoided him during break,” she said, reminding me of the times I had indeed gone home for break without seeing him.
“Yeah, but he’s helping us with my parents’ anniversary party.”
“Aw. That’s nice of him.”
“Allison, it’s not good. I don’t want to see him. And he’s still a jerk.”
“Well, you can always come back to our apartment,” she hinted.
“I know you’re sad I moved out, and I’ll admit I’m starting to regret it already.”
“Well, how long is it going to take to do anniversary stuff?”
“A month,” I informed her petulantly.
“Then you only have to deal with him for a month.”
I took a deep breath, relaxing a bit. “You’re right. I’m overreacting. I just can’t believe how much he still gets me going, though.”
“Some people are timeless. They have that effect,” she said.
I paced around my room, trying to calm myself. “I have to go. My mom made pie, and I have to pretend I can sit with Shane like a normal human.”
“Alright. Can’t wait to get this section of the painting done. I’ll send you a picture.”
“Yes, please,” I said, grateful for any reminder of my old life as a student back in Philly – a life where I didn’t have to find a teaching job as soon as possible. My past in Philly held many more happy memories than those which seemed determined to flood back into my mind.
SASHA
2010
“No, no, you’re doing it wrong!” Shane said with an agitated sigh.
He was trying to teach me how to parallel park, which was absolutely necessary in New York City. I had insisted I wanted to get my license because I enjoyed going on beach trips and did not want to rely on someone to take me. We were using his car to practice – a small, junker Nissan Altima.