“Basically, just take your time going through this data. Each data set contains different rivers, bays, and fish runs coming in from the ocean and so on,” Scott was explaining, referencing fish tracking. “We also have cross-comparisons to data shared from other countries and all over the US. And old data from different fisheries. It's a lot.”
He chuckled again when I began clicking through the screens to look around, bouncing from one computer screen to the next. “Slow your roll. You've got plenty of time. So what brought you here?” he asked next.
I thought I detected a hint of interest from Scott, but I wasn't sure. He was handsome with clean-cut features and an outdoorsy vibe. He had rich brown hair and eyes to match. I tried to mentally assess if there was any attraction for me, but there was nothing, not even a little zing of curiosity. I’d done that for years because I found it nearly impossible to experience chemistry. One tragic night robbed me of that, blockading my instincts behind a wall of fear and distrust.
I couldn't help it, but my mind conjured up Rowan with his almost black hair and piercing green eyes. Merely imagining him elicited a flash of fiery heat while I couldn’t evoke anything even resembling heat to anyone else. I didn't want to get involved with anybody I worked with, but it would have been nice to feel some sort of attraction. My internal sigh was weary and resigned.
Why, oh why, did Rowan have to light my fire so fiercely?
“Mae?” Scott prompted, fortunately oblivious to my mental ramblings.
What had he asked me? Oh, right, why here. “I grew up in Willow Brook and wanted to come back to Alaska.”
“Ah, Alaska born and bred then,” he said with a quick nod.
“Absolutely. I love fishing, and I love the ocean. That's what led me into environmental and marine sciences. I'm thrilled to be back here and to actually be doing this job, right here at the cutting edge, so to speak. I don't know if that's good or bad. With the shifts in the weather, things are already changing fast here, and I'm very concerned about the effects of warmer ocean temperatures on salmon spawning.”
“You and everyone who tracks what happens in the ocean,” he commented dryly. His phone vibrated, and he patted his shirt pocket, slipping it out and glancing down. “I need to take this.” He stood from the desk, rapping his knuckles lightly on the surface. “You know where to reach me if you have any questions about syllabi, classes, and so on.”
“I do. Thank you for showing me around today.”
“If I don't see you in the hallways before then, I'll see you at the staff meeting on Friday.”
I smiled and waved as he left the room. I lost myself in data for a few hours as I familiarized myself with the various computer systems at my fingertips here. Thank God I’d set an alarm on my phone for my first class because I would have lost track of time.
“How was your first week?” my mother asked, smiling at me from across the table.
“It was good. Actually, it was really good. I'm glad I decided to take the job.” I lifted my glass of water and took a swallow.
My mother had wanted to get pizza, so she’d asked me to go with her to Alpenglow Pizza. I only hoped Rowan didn't happen to stop by while we were here. It had been a few days since our kiss, and I'd replayed it too many times in my mind. I'd also seen him in town almost every single day, which was frustrating. Even though I was working in Anchorage, I liked to grab coffee at Firehouse Café. I also had to go to the grocery store, and apparently, so did he. I also knew he went to the same gas station I did, and he was staying in the apartment above the garage at Delilah and Alex's place, which was a mere three houses down from my grandmother's house. Willow Brook was truly a small town, and I would have to get used to seeing Rowan.
I kept telling myself the embers that had started to flicker into flames from that kiss would cool soon. That didn't seem to be happening. Seeing Rowan everywhere wasn't helping matters at all. I forced my attention back to my mother.
“I'm glad you're here,” she said, reaching over and squeezing my hand on the table.
With the exception of Rowan’s presence, I was glad to be home. I'd missed it. I was an Alaskan girl through and through, and no other place felt like home.
My mom's honey-blond hair, which I had inherited, had faded and had silver streaks mingling through the blond. Her eyes were a darker shade of brown than mine.
We chatted a bit about the town and her life before our pizza arrived. The server set it on the raised stand in the center of the table, checking to see if we needed anything else before he left. I had just lifted a slice of pizza when my mother commented, “So, I heard an old friend of yours from college moved here.”
I lowered the pizza. “Huh?”
My mother’s eyes twinkled as she lifted one shoulder in a delicate shrug. “I heard it from Maisie when I saw her at the store. He’s on the new firefighter crew.”
I took a bite of pizza, nodding and making some sort of humming sound. My mother, because she was gracious enough not to push the matter, started eating. After a few minutes, she added, “I worry about you, hon. You never date.”
I eyed her suspiciously and almost reached for another piece of pizza, but I was full. With a sigh, I replied, “I’m not really focused on dating.”
I’d never told my parents what happened in college. A few college friends knew and the therapist I’d seen. I really didn’t want to be slinging the events of that night around. As much as I tried not to have it define me, I also knew that by choosing silence, I had, in some ways, given it more power.
The desperate wish for someone to be there for me had morphed into me not wanting to rely on anyone. Ever. My thoughts circled back to Rowan, and I braced myself against them.
Aside from all he didn’t know, he’d been one of the best friends I’d ever had, and I’d really started to fall for him. That spark had burned hot and still did.
My mother's voice brought me back to the moment. “I know you haven’t been focused on that, and I’m not one to pry or push, but I worry because I feel like something happened.”
I shrugged lightly because no way in hell would I talk about it here, if ever. “I’m fine, Mom.”
She studied me quietly before dabbing at her mouth with a napkin. “Well, I hope you’ll find someone if you want that.”
“Mom, if I meet someone and it feels right, then yes, I want that. Until then, don't worry about it. I'm focused on being back home, back where I want to be. I have a job that I love. That's a lot more than some people have. I like being single,” I insisted, which was true but also not really true. Being single was safe. What I craved was feeling safe with someone else, and I didn't believe that was possible.
As I lay in bed later that night, I replayed that stupid kiss with Rowan yet again. Why did I tell him about seeing my roommate hit on him? Now, I felt even more ridiculous because there was one detail Rowan didn't know, and only one other person knew. Back in college, I’d still been a virgin, and the only person who’d known that back then was that roommate, the one who’d hit on him. Because like an idiot, before I realized just how she was, we’d been friendly. I wanted to bond with my college roommate. One night after a few too many margaritas at a bar, I'd fessed up that I'd never gone there with any guy.