“You won’t even deny it.”
“Denying things I can’t change would just be useless of me, not to mention a waste of both our limited time, wouldn’t you agree?”
“I don’t even want to know what you did. I already got a taste of what you can do to people you hate.”
“I don’t hate you, Mia,” she says, looking offended.
“And let me guess, you had that epiphany when? When I discovered what your husband was doing to my family?” I can’t keep the contempt out of my voice, or the disgust as I look at her. “You and John were made for each other.”
Courtney scoffs, looking affronted like I just offended her, but then again, the look in her eyes doesn’t sit right with me. “Well, I must admit, John’s shit was dramatic, but I’m not a hateful person.”
The fuck?
“I beg to differ.”
“Oh you, you’re just the unfortunate collateral damage of your shitty parents who constantly lie to you about everything. I’ve never lied to you. I didn’t like you from the moment we met and never bothered to hide it.”
“You made that much abundantly clear,” I say, rolling my eyes.
“Exactly, which means I don’t have an ulterior motive right now.”
Right now… There could be a time all this will come to play for her. But when and why?
“I don’t particularly care about your past,” I whisper but she shakes her head looking at me like she feels sorry for me. That look does something to my heart that makes me almost groan in pain.
“Thing is, Mia, I think you do care,” she says, with a sigh. “See, John never loved me, but I would have done anything he asked, including jump as high as he wanted me to or wait on him when he was out with the woman he was in love with—a woman who had her own family waiting for her at her home, but chose to hustle as a heartless, home-wrecker instead.”
God, I hate cheaters. I’d never cheat, no matter what the situation. I’m the product of Nathan and Nicky’s infidelity. Who sleeps with her sister’s fiancé? Oh, I know, my birth mother, apparently.
“So, a home-wrecker made you this bitter?” I say, sarcastically.
“Oh, I wish that was my excuse, I really do but the simple truth is, I did this to myself,” she says. “I was simply in love, just like you are.”
I’m stunned into silence. My mouth dries up like I just swallowed a desert. A cold shudder goes through me and for a moment I swear, my knees weaken as dread pools in the pit of my stomach, seeping into my bones until I’m left chilled, scared and uncertain.
“Why…” I stutter, then clear my throat, afraid of where this is going, but I choose to go with denial anyway. “Why are you telling me all this?”
Please say you just wanted to get that off your chest. Please don’t shatter what’s left of me.
“I think you already know why.”
“I don’t.” I suspect though…
“I wish that were true, sweetheart,” she says. “I wish my story wasn’t like yours.”
“No…” I deny, but she cuts me off.
“I wish I wasn’t in love with someone who doesn’t love me back like you are now.”
If you listen closely, you might hear my heart shatter on the cold, hard floor of the Fitzgerald mansion the moment she says that.
“I don’t…” I stutter, my voice hoarse. I want to tell her that I don’t care but the truth is, I’m so devasted by her words, I can hardly speak. Or breath for that matter.
“You see, I wish I had someone back then. Someone to tell me that the thing with John was going to destroy me, that it wasn’t going to work or that he was never going to love me like I loved him with my entire being. All I was to John and still am, is a business transaction.”
A business transaction…
“I’m not in love…” I start, but she cuts me off, looking at me like she feels sorry for me. It’s sickening.
“I see the way you look at him. I saw it from the day I met you. I don’t know if you know, but your body reacts to him, your pupils dilate, you hang on to every word my son says even if you actually hate what he says.”
I shake my head, taking a step back.
“You love him,” she says with absolute certainty that stuns me into silence, but this time as her words sink in, their honesty settling over me with ease, I decide not to fight it or deny them and why should I? It’s the damned truth from hell. We both know it, but I won’t say a word. Admitting it out loud is a step too far.
I’m in love with a guy who has repeatedly hurt me like I mean nothing. I guess I’m part of the stupid teen girl statistic, in love with a guy she knows is totally wrong for her. That might be true, but that won’t be my story. I need to make sure that I don’t die on that steep, endless hill.
“I’m glad you didn’t bother denying that, I guess acceptance is key, but it’s also stupid.”
“Yeah well, or maybe I know better than to fight shit I know will change eventually,” I say then murmur to myself. “I don’t know how, but I’ll find a way to fall out of love with that asshole. I have to.”
But she heard me.
“Really?” she starts. “Is that what you tell my baby, Liam?”
I look up at her, shocked and confused. Why would I tell Liam that?
“Don’t pretend to be naïve now, you’re far smarter than that,” she says with a mocking scoff, her voice harder now as a sharp, cold smile adorns her beautiful face. “You’re a straight A student. You take AP classes that you walk through with ease. You’ve already been accepted to the best Ivy League colleges across the country, hell even elite schools abroad, so please, don’t dumb down your intelligence now. I promise I can keep up. I did go to school, too.”
How does she know so much about me?
“That’s good for you, women and girls have to be educated, but I still don’t know what you’re talking about.”
She tilts her head to the left, studying me for a long second that stretches into minutes. Maybe hours? I don’t know but I suddenly feel like I should run. RIGHT. NOW!
“Just as I’ve seen the way you look at Julian, I’ve seen the way my baby looks at you,” she starts and I gasp, seeing where she’s going. “He looks at you like you’re going to save him, like you’re the center of his existence.”
No… He doesn’t. Does he?
I open my mouth to deny everything she’s just said, but nothing comes out. My vision blurs and dims for a second and I start panicking. I just stopped breathing. Liam, sweet, funny, savage Liam… what do I do with this?
“He’s been out there all day, looking for you. He even demanded that his father get a P.I to track you down, like he’s lost his mind with worry,” she says, her voice hard. “What does that sound like to you, huh?”
“I don’t know what you’re getting at,” I stutter, looking down at my dirty shoes. “You’re obviously making shit up. Tell me, Courtney, are you high on xanny? Or is it oxy?”
“I last did oxy in high school so trust me, sweetheart, I’m sober as an overeager priest.” she asks.