“No!” Nicky says vehemently. “Don’t you dare say that! You did no such thing.”
I did though. I have her blood on my hands.
“Listen to me, there was nothing you or anyone else could do for her. Her time was up. We knew that it was only a matter of time.”
But it wasn’t supposed to happen like that. She wasn’t supposed to go like that… my God.
Nicky grabs my upper arms then she starts shaking me slightly as if to get my attention, but I feel like I’m hovering over a dark, unknown edge.
“Mia!”
Everything is surreal, like in an alternate universe. I feel lethargic, heavy and so, so cold inside. I can hear my heart hammering in my chest, beating so hard, my ribs are going to crack.
“Mia, listen to me right now.”
Cold fingers grab my chin, forcing my head up. Nicky stares at me, her lips pressed in a firm line. Something is seriously wrong here.
“Please.” I have no idea why I’m begging, but it falls from my lips like a litany. A litany that will go unanswered as always. “Please, don’t send me away.”
“Mia, you have to go. You can’t stay here, it’s not safe for you anymore.”
Safe? I don’t give a damn about my safety. Nancy is dead.
“No, I’m not going any—”
“Baby girl,” she says, cutting me off in a rush. “I’m going to need you to make yourself numb right now. You’re emotional, it’s understandable in this situation but it will also get you in so much trouble and I can’t have that. So, stuff it all in. At least for now.”
Stuff it all in? Trouble?
“Everything is going to be all right. You just need to go, right now.”
How is everything going to be all right by kicking me out?
“Why?”
“For your safety and for the sake of your future, Amy, you need to go,” she whispers urgently, her body coiled tightly like she’s anticipating an unknown danger. Who is Amy? But that’s not important right now. I’m not leaving like this.
“No.”
“I’m not asking and this isn’t a debate,” she grits out, anger and frustration etched on her face. “Go now!”
“No, please don’t…”
“Mia, baby, we don’t have a choice in the matter.” Fresh tears start falling down her cheeks, the desperation in her eyes tugging at the broken pieces of me.
Something is wrong. There’s danger here… I can sense it in the air.
“No, I’m not going anywhere,” I cry, and she shakes her head.
“You have to. I need you to stay low for now and if anything happens to me, don’t come back to this town.”
No!
“What do you mean if anything happens to you? We’re going together, right?” I demand, eyes wide with terror.
“To keep you safe, I can’t come along. I need to stay here,” she says, as she looks up like she’s waiting for something to happen. “You have to go alone.”
“No! I’m not going without you.”
“Baby girl, I’m going to need you to be brave right now, okay,” she says, touching my face like she’s committing it to memory. Like this is the last time she’s ever going to see me. “I need you to be smart, strong and cautious. Blend in. Don’t get in contact with anyone from this damn town, not your friends from school, or your dance teacher. No one. Get out of the country if you must, just don’t let them find you.”
It’s the urgency of her voice and the shudders that rack through her body that tell me more about how fucked up everything is right now than anything she’s saying.
“Who are you talking about?” I whisper. “Why is this happening?”
“I’m talking about keeping you safe and out of danger. I need you to not let them get you, Nathan especially.”
“Dad?” I whisper, that fear making my stomach feel like I just drank acid, everything hurts like there’s a fire consuming me from within. “But…”
“I know you think he’s a great man, but that’s because you’ve suppressed all your memories about him. The kind of man he is. What he did, you forced yourself to forget and I don’t blame you,” she grits out, anger lighting her eyes. “That man would use you as kindling for the fire if he wants to.”
Dad? No. He wouldn’t, would he?
Nicky grabs the backpack she packed, then helps me to put it on my back. My arms go up when she moves them, directing me like a puppet.
“What?” I whisper, as something in me seems to break like I’m tapping into the dark recesses of my mind.
“Mia, I know forgetting has allowed you to move on and maybe it’ll help you this time but I think not knowing will get you killed,” she says with a shudder, her voice shaky as she palms my cheeks, then she touches my shoulders as if looking at me for the last time. No…
“I don’t understand why you’re sending me away,” I cry, letting the dam break loose as I burrow into her and cling to her like I’d rather be super glued to her than take one step out there where I’ll be lost. “Please, I know I didn’t take the news that you’re my mother well, I know I haven’t been good, but please don’t leave me alone…”
She holds me tight, her heart beating wildly in her chest. Then I feel her kiss at the crown of my head.
“I’m not leaving you alone, you’re my everything, Mia,” she whispers.
“But this is all my fault, I put you in this situation…”
“No, baby, this has been a dark dance of time, and with Nancy gone and some truths revealed, the ugly will come out and play and I will be damned if they hurt you.”
Who?
“I know you love that boy, and maybe he might feel something for you, but he isn’t good for you.”
Julian. He did this. He’s more or less the reason I’m being pulled away from my life.
Anger starts coursing through my veins with the sorrow that grips my heart like a tight vice.
“I can’t do this.”
“Yes, you can, baby,” she says, pulling away from me, then she looks me in the eyes. “You’re the very best of me. Always know that from the beginning, it was always you.”
She pulls away and rushes toward the screen doors that lead outside and opens the door.
“Please…”
“Mia, go! Go down the beach, and then up the side trails to your car. Run as fast as you can, don’t stop for anyone.”
“But…” I start arguing, but Nicky runs out of patience. She grabs my hand and tugs it forcefully, pushing me out the door. It’s cold, the wind is howling and I know, the world has just lost a light and I just lost more than that.
I’ve lost everything.
“Now, Mia!”
Then she shuts the door in my face and turns her back to me, and I watch her walk away from me, but then I realize why she turned away when I see the inner door open with a loud bang against the wall that I can hear from out here.
I see my father, looking furious and dark as he walks toward Nicky.
I see him shouting in her face. I see him mouthing my name, and I realize he’s looking for me. I take several steps back until I blend into the darkness. But when I look up, I see my father standing over Nicky’s body sprawled on the floor and I freeze.