And it’s a relief that my hands
are cuffed in front of me
instead of behind me
I look out and the sky is a slab of concrete
above us
I look for the moon
There are two guards on the bus
one in the front, one in the back
And this almost feels like a field trip
almost
ExceptExcept
the quiet is choking my ears
The absence of voices
is like cold hands wrapping
their icy fingers around sound
And
maybe there was never
this much room on
slave ships
I wanna lay down so bad
I wanna close my eyes so bad
I wanna dream and sleep deep so bad
There’s another guy opposite from me
and he looks out his side of the window
just like I’m pretending to be
And if this was another time and place
I imagine the conversation would start like this:
What up, man, I’m Amal— And you?
But he turns to me as if
he felt my eyes on the
back of his head
and says
What the fuck are you looking at?
I go back to my
dark-gray sky
And I feel the heat seconds before
he aims for the back of my head
with his handcuffed fists
It’s too late to duck
The blow makes me hit the glass window
It should’ve shattered
I should’ve shattered
And I ball up
My head cradled in the crook of my arms
I fold into myself
and I wait for more pain
And that’s when I know the story
that really isn’t my story
hasn’t made it past the courtroom
yet
The story that I thought
was my life
didn’t start on the day
I was born
The story that I thought
was this life
didn’t start on the day
I went to that park
The story that I think
will be my life
starts today
Anything that happened
before today
is only the prequel
the backstory
the story behind the story
Nothing before today matters
It doesn’t even matter
that I wasn’t supposed to be
with Omari that night
It doesn’t even matter
that Umi wanted me home by ten
and I knew that she was still out
getting her hair done or something
and she wouldn’t even know
probably wouldn’t even care
because I was with Lucas
Except I wasn’t
Lucas was with his girl
and I was with Omari
who brought his boy Antwon
who said he had a whole crew
down by the courts waiting for him
for a two-on-two game
and if we came with him
it would be a three-on-three
But I’m not a baller
So I told Omari that I’d rather go
to the skate park
’cause I don’t like basketball like that
But he wasn’t about to leave his boy
Antwon hanging like that
And I wasn’t about to leave my boy
Omari hanging like that
Even though Lucas left me hanging
for some girl
and I wishedI wished so bad
that I had a girl, too
but Zenobia
Zenobia is her name
doesn’t even know
who I am
I bet she does now
Zenobia knows my name
That matters
I tried to tell Omari
that I’m not messing with those
white boys from East Hills
who been telling us
they don’t want us on their block
like they own that shit
They doThey do
He said, You with me
so you good
And I said, I got my peoples
waiting for me in the skate park
It was a lie
so he said, You need to relax ’Mal
They not gonna fuck with you
And I didn’t say
that out here on these streets
on these courtsin these parks
they gotta know you
or know somebody who know you
Out here on these
streetscourtsparks
they will either
speak for you
or
speak against you
And I catch one of these guys
on the bus looking back at me
staringdaring
for me to say something
So this busthis bus
is the streetsthe courtsthe park
on wheelsengine roaring
A ship headed for the new world
and we’re all in herein shackles
on our wristsaround our minds
around our hearts
So I just let him stare
Coming to America II
We’re going West
where the sun is
an orange-blue world
a whole colorful star by itself
falling
down
down
down
And under my breath
the words swim
beneath the surface of my thoughts
Under my breath
my rhymes flow like water
And then, and then
They rush to the shore like waves
And then, and then
I overflow
I can’t hold it in
I won’t hold them in
my rhymes
my words
my truth
are like a tsunami
Will we ever figure this out
Shackling the mind with our consent
Stolen from the natural order of this universe
Shackling the mind with our consent
What do you see when you see me?
The enemy? The inner me?
How did they trick the untrickable ones?
How did they bewitch the natural mystics?
Yo shut the fuck up! somebody shouts
But I don’t give a fuck
I’ll tell youI’ll tell you
I’ll tell you of a time when I looked back
The lash on my back
The ax on my feet
Making it hard for me to walk a straight line
And with my mouth agape I vibrate
Instead of screamI can’t cry
Wishing to die
My tongue is gone
Last seen on the sand
Near the shores of this land
My eyes lieMy eyes lie
How did they trick the untrickable ones?
How did they bewitch the natural mystics?
I’ll tell you
I’ll tell you
It was sick
SHUT THE FUCK UP! somebody else says
No! I shout back
Never
I will not shut the fuck up
Hope
I hope
that they don’t kill me in there
I hope
I can handle the pain
I hope
I have time to heal
I hope
I am stronger than I think
I hope
all the books I’ve read will save my life
I hope
my brain is a muscle
I hope
I have superpowers
I hope I am superhuman
Part II
America
We’re here
and it’s like Allah has closed his
eyes and gone to sleep on me
Night here is dead
Godless almost
But all I see is lights
Not sunlight
or the lights at the end of a tunnel
It’s flashing lights on a cop car
It’s a flashlight in my face