Sarah and Jill show me where the bathrooms are. There are three for the twelve girls that are living here at the moment. They also show me where the laundry is, the linen closet, kitchen, common area—the whole tour. After, we move outside. It’s a damp, cold day. The sky is gray, and the air smells of snow and horse manure. I’m taken through the stables while the horses and other girls watch me. Song reappears in time to introduce me. I don’t remember all their names. I don’t want to.
I don’t plan on being there long enough to get to know them.
I spend the rest of the day meeting the staff and being treated like an idiot. Everyone talking to me sloooowly and LOUDLY in case I don’t understand. Like I’m a kid. That night, there’s a group meeting that’s like a twelve-step thing for those of us who are addicts.
It makes me wish I were stoned. Food’s good, though. And they give us a lot of it, but this place isn’t for me. I’m not into “higher powers,” and I don’t need to fix my problems by falling in love with a horse, which is kinda creepy if you ask me. Even if they are pretty.
There’s a girl who stares at me all through the meeting. I’ve decided to punch her in the mouth if she keeps it up. I may be the new girl, but I’m not anyone’s bitch.
She comes up to me afterward. I didn’t speak throughout the entire thing. No one asked me to, which surprised me a bit, but maybe they like to listen to themselves talk.
“I know what you’re thinking,” she says.
I turn my shoulder to her. “You think?”
“You’re thinking how stupid this is, and that you don’t need it. You probably hate horses and have already made your escape plan.”
I glare at her for being so spot-on. “You don’t know anything about me.”
She laughs. “Sure I do. You’re here. That means someone took you from your home, put you on your back, and let people rape you for money while they kept you as numb as possible. Am I wrong?”
I clench my jaw, try to stare her down, but I’m the one who looks away first.
“Look, you don’t have to play tough here. No one’s looking to hurt you, so try to check the attitude and show the women who run this place some respect.”
“Or what?” I challenge.
She shrugs. “Or you piss away the chance you’ve been given. You know how many of us never even make it this far?”
“No, and I don’t care.”
“Not yet,” she says. “You will, and that’s when it gets hard. Right now, it’s easy.”
I give a rough laugh. “Yeah, cause this is so fucking easy.”
She tilts her head. “Would you rather be back with your pimp?”
“No.” I say it before I can stop myself. I kick myself for giving anything away.
“Good. Maybe you’ll be one of the ones who make it.” She turns and walks away before I can reply. She walks with a limp—a heavy one.
Sarah comes up beside me. “That’s Lonnie,” she says. “She’s been here longer than I have.”
“What’s up with her leg?” I ask.
Sarah glances at me. “Her pimp hit her with his car and left her for dead.”
I look at her in surprise, then turn my gaze again to Lonnie, who’s talking to one of the other girls. As if she feels the weight of it, she lifts her head and returns my stare. The scars on my back itch and pull.
Maybe she knows something about me after all.
* * *
I go to bed with every intention of sneaking out before dawn. No idea where I’m going to go, or what I’m going to do, but I can’t stay here. This place freaks me out. Too many people getting in my head.
“Do you like to read?” Sarah asks. She’s sitting on her bed in her pajamas and a pair of fuzzy socks. Her long, dark hair is back in a braid. She looks young until I look in her eyes.
“Yeah,” I say. I used to read a lot.
She opens the door of her bedside table, revealing a small stack of books. “Take one if you want. We’re allowed to read before bed.”
I hesitate. But the temptation is too strong. Not like a book is a magical thing that can make me stay if I don’t want to.
Slowly, I ease off my bed and cross the distance to her side of the room. I crouch down and look inside the cabinet. There, second from the top of the pile, is the latest book in a series by one of my favorite authors. It came out while I was at the motel.
I hate the excitement that rises in my chest, but I take the book anyway. “Is it okay if I borrow this one?”
“Sure,” Sarah says with a smile. “I’ve read that one already. It’s awesome. Have you read the series?”
I nod. Clutching the book to my chest, I retreat to my bed.
I read for half an hour before we’re told to turn out our lights. I haven’t gone to bed this early in months, but I press the switch on my lamp and settle into the pillows.
There’s a tiny night-light in the opposite corner of the room. It’s not enough to keep me awake, but it’s enough to break up the darkness. I like it. It will make my escape easier, I think as I close my eyes—just for a minute.
I don’t escape that night.
The bed is too comfortable and warm. The sheets smell too clean. Outside, it’s windy and cold. I fall into a deep sleep that turns into a nightmare. Mitch is there, and my mother. They’re arguing over who gets to have me, but they don’t want to love me. They want to chop me up and eat me.
“No!” I jackknife up into a sitting position on the bed. I’m panting and sweating. Sarah is there beside me.
“You’re safe,” she says, catching my hand in hers. “Lex, you’re safe.”
I gasp for breath, my gaze focusing in the gloom. I look up into her concerned face and relax.
“Sorry,” I say, pulling my hand free.
“We all have them,” she says, letting me go. “Eventually, they’ll start to happen less and less.”
“If you say so.” And then, because I’m uncomfortable, “You can go back to bed.”
“Here.” She gets off my bed and goes back to her own, only to return a couple of seconds later. She presses something warm and fuzzy into my hands. It takes me a minute to realize it’s a stuffed cat.
“It seems ridiculous, I know,” she says, “but you’ll sleep better with it. Trust me.”
I’m doubtful, but I don’t give it back. “Okay.”
Sarah smiles. “Go back to sleep. I’ll be here if you wake up again.”
The idea of her hovering over me should be enough to keep me awake, but it isn’t. Clutching the plush cat, I fall back to sleep almost instantly, and I don’t wake up until Sarah’s alarm goes off at seven.
“C’mon,” she says, shaking me. “The others won’t be up for half an hour. We can grab the showers.”
“Fug off,” I tell her, snuggling deeper into the cocoon I’ve made.
“Bro, you will be so pissed when there’s no hot water left for you.”
No hot water? Hell, one time at the hotel we didn’t have water at all for a week. My ass was nasty.
“Lex,” she tries again. “They’ve got body scrubs and lotions and professional shampoo. Face masks too.”