Jared: Manny? You with us, bro?
Everyone: […]
Manny: Course I am, bro. Equality!
**CLINK!**
September 18
DEAR MARTIN,
I just got back to school after an impromptu trip to the hood. Putting all my cards on the table, I went home with the intention of just staying there forever (which is extreme, I know).
When I got there, Mama was curled up on the couch with her nose buried in How Stella Got Her Groove Back. Just seeing her reading, something she worked hard to teach me to do, I knew I’d be on the bus back to school before the evening was over.
“Whatchu doin’ here, boy? It’s a school night” was the first thing she said (without looking up from the book).
“Can’t I drop in to see my dear ol’ mom when I’m missin’ her?”
“Who you callin’ old?”
That made me laugh.
“You gonna tell me what’s really going on?” She closed the book and put it to the side then.
I dropped my bag with a sigh. “Just been a rough few weeks.”
“Come on over here and sit down.”
In all honesty, I didn’t want to. Sit down is Mama-code for “spit it out,” and I woulda preferred to get my big toes shot off than talk about the stuff I was trying to escape. But Mama being Mama—and possibly psychic?—she pulled it right outta me. “This about that cop and them handcuffs?”
I dropped down beside her. “Little bit. I keep thinking about how much worse it coulda gone.”
“That non-indictment in the Carson case got you shook, huh?”
“Yeah. We had this discussion in class today, and…I don’t know, Ma. Everything I’m doing right now feels like a losing battle.”
She nodded. “Hard being a black man, ain’t it?”
I shrugged. “Guess that’s one way to put it. All I know is I can’t seem to find where I fit. Especially at that school.”
“Hmm.”
“It’s just like…I’ve been there my whole high school career, and I still feel like an outsider, you know? We were talking about the Declaration of Independence, and all I could think was how Shemar Carson was straight-up denied his ‘inalienable rights.’ It really bugged me out.”
“It should’ve.”
“I did the math when I got back to my room: there were 192 years between the Declaration of Independence and the end of all that Jim Crow stuff. Now we’re over a decade into the twenty-first century, and I know from experience people like me are still getting shafted.”
Mama nodded. “Mmhmm.”
“Sittin’ there listenin’ to this rich white boy brag about breaking the law after I sat in handcuffs for no reason…I can’t even tell you how hard that was, Ma. It’s like no matter what I do, I can’t win.”
She crossed her arms and lifted her chin, and that’s when I knew there’d be no sympathy. “So whatchu gon’ do? Run away?”
I sighed. “I don’t know, Mama.”
“You think coming back here will solve your problem?”
“At least I’d be around people who know the struggle.”
She snorted. “Boy, you betta get your behind on up to that school.”
“But, Ma—”
“Don’t ‘But, Ma’ me, Justyce.”
“I don’t fit there, though, Mama.”
“I’ve been tellin’ you since you were small that you gotta make a place for yourself in this world,” she said. “You thought I was playin’?”
I sighed again.
“You ever consider that maybe you not supposed to ‘fit’? People who make history rarely do.”
“Aww, here we go with this ‘making history’ thing again.”
“Goodbye, Justyce. I didn’t raise you to punk out when the going gets rough. Get on outta here.” She picked up her book.
“Dang, I can’t even get a hug? Somethin’ to eat?”
“You know where the kitchen is. You can get a hug on your way out.”
See what I deal with, Martin?
On the return trip, it really hit me hard: she’s right. There’s really nowhere to run. While it’s been hard processing my arrest/Castillo’s death/the Carson case/dealing with fools like Jared and them on the daily without getting discouraged, when it comes down to it, I don’t really have an alternative but to keep going, do I?
I’ll tell you the hardest thing for me today: sitting in the lounge listening to Manny agree with those fools. Granted, I could tell his heart wasn’t in it…
But still.
I’ll be candid with you: sometimes it really bugs me that Manny spends so much time with those guys. I know he’s known them forever, and it’s none of my business, but it’s hard to see my boy hang out with dudes who are blatantly disrespectful to our people. (Who puts a little kid in blackface?!) And then he doesn’t say anything about it? I guess it’s possible it doesn’t bother him, but to hear him agree that things are equal when he KNOWS about my incident…well, I’m kinda mad about that, if you want the truth.
I’ve been trying to figure out what you would’ve done if you’d been in my shoes today. I know you lived in a world where black folks were hosed and beaten and jailed and killed while fighting for equal rights, but you still managed to be, like, dignified and everything.
How did you do that, Martin? How do I do that? There are people who don’t see a man with rights when they look at me, and I’m not real sure how to deal with that. Being treated the way I was and then hearing Jared insist there’s not a problem? And then hearing Manny agree with him? It sucks, Martin. It really does.
So what do I do now? How do I handle people like Jared? Arguing obviously won’t work….Do I just ignore him? But what does that solve, Martin? I want to “put my best foot forward,” as Mama would say. That’s what you did. Just gotta figure out how….
Time to knock out some of this homework. Hopefully I can focus.
Thanks for hearing me out,
Justyce
The minute Jared, Kyle, Tyler, and Blake step into Manny’s basement, it’s clear Jared’s Equality Brigade thing was a terrible idea.
In the month and a half since the racial equality discussion in Socio Evo, Jared’s been on a crusade to prove things in America are equal. Last week, he told Manny and his crew about this “brilliant-ass idea” he had: “Bros,” he said, “let’s all dress as different stereotypes for Halloween, and then go out together. It’ll be this massive political statement about racial equality and broken barriers and shit.” Dude even asked Justyce to participate.
Jus, of course, wasn’t real keen at first…but he let Manny talk him into it.
He’s regretting that now.
Five of the six costumes are mostly fine. Jus is the Thug, naturally: pants belted around his thighs with boxers exposed, Thug Life T-shirt, thick gold chain with a huge medallion, fitted flat-billed baseball cap. He and Manny even made a grill out of a gum wrapper for Jus to wear on his bottom teeth.
Manny’s the Token Black Guy: khakis, loafers, and polo with a cable-knit sweater draped over his shoulders and tied loosely at the chest. He’s really into it too: as soon as he was dressed, he started calling Jus “old chap” and “my good man.”