Home > Dear Haiti, Love Alaine(13)

Dear Haiti, Love Alaine(13)
Author: Maika Moulite

   By Tricia Jenkins, Beautiful Brown

   Celeste Beauparlant is an award-winning journalist. She has five Emmys and three Peabodys sitting on her shelf. She consistently serves face and keeps her hair in an impeccable blowout while she’s out grilling our nation’s most powerful individuals. But that’s not what we’re talking about this week. We’re not discussing how she’s the first Black woman to solely anchor a network news channel’s flagship Sunday morning political show and kill it.

   A show, I might add, that was essentially a sinking ship that was relegated to her care after, rumor has it, her bosses knew they had to promote her to keep her at the network. The only stipulation: they didn’t want to give her anything “too big.” Instead, Celeste saw that Titanic for what it was and somehow fit the show’s entire production team on her wooden plank before they all died of hypothermia. Ratings hell is surprisingly cold. She demanded a new set that didn’t scream, “Our heyday was 1987!” and brought in panelists who weren’t all old white guys who were eighty-seven. She expanded the discussion topics, encouraged viewer feedback via social media, and actually implemented suggestions when they made sense.

   I was never one to spend my Sunday mornings couched in front of a television screen. I wasn’t raised that way. But I still flipped to GNN six years ago because I wanted to see how Celeste would do in the new gig and ended up staying for the content. Yet here we are. Too busy pondering the fate of a woman who has done nothing wrong but fall victim to the angry Black woman stereotype.

   The press is just about ready to skewer Celeste’s career without getting her side of the story. I’m sure she had a legitimate reason for lashing out at Andres Venegas the way she did. Maybe it was his touch. What made him think he could lay a hand on her, besides male privilege? I tried to contact Celeste, but her reps say she isn’t taking any interviews, which is her right; a right so often stripped from our hands as Black women in America. But that isn’t the point. Let’s not pretend that Venegas is the most popular politician in DC anyway. If that were the case, we wouldn’t be looking into his suspicious spending, hmm? Show me the receipts, Senator.

   No one asked what I thought about this whole debacle, but that’s never stopped me from giving my opinion before. GNN doesn’t deserve Celeste, and if they have her step down, they don’t deserve us as an audience.

   Don’t just take my word for it. I leave you with an email I received from a GNN producer with proof that the show’s management is undermining Celeste:

   From: [REDACTED]

   To: Tricia Jenkins

   Subject: You didn’t get this from me

   Thought you and your readers would like to know.

   -----------Forwarded Message-----------

   From: William Donahue

   To: Michael Sanders

   Subject: Slap-Gate

   Mike,

   I’ve taken the liberty of reiterating my reservations here regarding the future trajectory of Sunday Politicos. Our viewers expect to enjoy an hour and a half of stimulating intellectual analysis of the week’s political events, not watch a full-on brawl. Another freak-out like the one we witnessed in December would be most undesirable.

   I remember watching Sunday Politicos growing up in rural Michigan. I don’t know if my parents would have allowed me to if they feared I’d encounter such violence on a show that should be promoting compromise and diplomacy among polarized groups. Imagine if parents around the country stop watching with their children. Those young people will never learn to love Sunday Politicos the way I did. She’s a huge liability because she could cause us to lose an entire demographic.

   I’m happy to discuss this further in your office.

   Sincerely,

   William Donahue III

   Executive Producer, GNN Sunday Politicos

   Two-time Emmy Award winner

   -----------Message-----------

   From: Michael Sanders

   To: William Donahue

   Cc: GNN-SP-LISTSERV

   Subject: Re: Slap-Gate

   Will,

   As long as the viewers love her, she stays. Please don’t take the liberty again.

   Mike

   GNN President

 

 

      An Imagined Email Exchange Between Mom and Her Boss After Those Less Than Flattering Articles About GNN Came Out

   From: Michael Sanders

   To: Celeste Beauparlant

   Subject: Taking a break

   Greetings from the Concrete Jungle,

   I hope you’re enjoying your time off to reset and recharge in the Real Jungle. As per our earlier chat with your agent, stay out of the spotlight as we conduct yet another focus group to make sure our audiences still react positively to you.

   Mike

   P.S. Please don’t do anything else that will add to my stress load. I can’t afford to lose any more hair.

   -----------Message-----------

   From: Celeste Beauparlant

   To: Michael Sanders

   Subject: Re: Taking a break

   Haiti is not a jungle.

   C

 

 

      Monday, January 11

   TEXT MESSAGES FROM ME TO DAD

   Daddy-O

   ALAINE 2:07pm:

   What career do you think Mom should try next?

   ALAINE 2:13pm:

   Okay I’ll start.

   ALAINE 2:14pm:

   Pottery smasher.

   DAD 2:15pm:

   Not funny.

   ALAINE 2:16pm:

   MMA fighter’s more her speed.

   DAD 2:17pm:

   Alaine...

   ALAINE 2:18pm:

   You’re right. She should hang up her fighting gloves for good. Puppy petter.

   DAD 2:18pm:

   Chef.

   ALAINE 2:19pm:

   Rhythmic gymnast.

   DAD 2:20pm:

   Reality TV star.

   ALAINE 2:21pm:

   Yes! Contestant on “The Bachelor.”

   DAD 2:21pm:

   (...)

   ALAINE 2:34pm:

   Dad????

 

 

      Tuesday, January 12

   LETTER FOUND IN OPEN ENVELOPE

   At the top of Dad’s “Read” pile on the kitchen island

   ST. CATHERINE DE’ RICCI ACADEMY

   1865 CARROLL LANE

   MIAMI, FL

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