“Your ego is more than fine.” He tapped the pen on the table. “I’m concerned about other things. Things that could make or break this relationship, and what happened last night is on the list. It can never happen again.”
I tore off a small bite of toast and stuffed it into my mouth, testing whether or not my stomach would revolt. When it didn’t, I bit another piece, pondering his question.
“Which part exactly?”
“You coming here in the condition you were in.” All trace of teasing was gone from his face as he stared directly at me. “I’ve seen you drunk more times than I care for, Ashton.”
I dropped the bread onto the plate and wrapped my arms around my waist. “I don’t mean anything by it.”
“That’s one of my hard limits,” he said, his voice surprisingly gentle, even through the sternness. “You might not mean anything by it, but the people who care about you have to see you like that, and it’s not something I wish to go through with anyone ever again.”
I widened my eyes at his words. Earlier he’d said something else to imply he’d been with someone who’d soured him for other men, but I couldn’t remember it. I still had gaps in my memory about last night and what I’d done.
“I only drink socially,” I said weakly.
“I’m not saying you can’t drink socially. I’m saying I expect you to know when you’ve had enough. If you can’t do that, we can’t be in a relationship.”
Give up a bottle for him? Damn right, I would. Drinking helped me to forget painful memories and the loneliness I felt. If I had him, all that would no longer be necessary.
“If you’re in way past the point of stopping on your own, we’ll go to AA meetings at least once a week. You may need the support to stop.”
I blinked at him in disbelief. “You’re not serious.”
“Does it look like I’m joking, boy?”
“I’m not an alcoholic. I’m not addicted.”
“Then there’s no harm in ensuring it stays that way, is there?” He interlocked his fingers on the notepad. “You think you’re fine, but on the weekends, when you come to the coffee shop, you’re always drunk.”
“Yes, but that’s because I was feeling lonely, and it was fun.”
He was shaking his head even before I’d finished. “I will not be responsible for your sobriety, Ashton. I’ll help you. I’ll be there for you, but you’re not doing this for me. You’re doing it for you because if not for your driver, I shudder to think of some decisions you’ve likely made in that drunken state. You could’ve broken your neck climbing the stairs last night!”
His voice had turned hard, and his color had paled. His fingers shook, and he pressed them together, but I’d seen the tremors, and I was intrigued. I wasn’t the only one with secrets here. He had them too.
“I will stop,” I agreed. “I’ll show you, my mother, and Rue that I’m fine.”
“If it’s one thing I’ve learned, Ashton, it’s that you can only survive for yourself. When people fail you, loving yourself will keep you alive.”
“Okay.”
A lot of food for thought. I’d never expected his list to feature such a heavy topic. What else would he throw at me?
“Do you do drugs?” he asked.
“No,” I answered easily. “There was that one time, but that was it—one time.”
“How long ago?”
“I was nineteen. First year in college. Believe me, I won’t make that mistake again.” I’d never seen my father so mad in all my life.
“You see that you do that, Ashton. That’s my deal breaker. I find out that you’re using, and we’re through. I don’t do alcoholics, and I don’t do junkies.”
“Before you continue, can I ask you a question?”
He tore his eyes from his list and gave me his attention. “Sure. Go ahead. The only way this is going to work between us if you feel you can come to me and talk to me about anything.”
“What happened to your last boy?”
A flicker of surprise crossed his face, and I watched the shutters lower. Maybe too much too soon, but I needed to know how much this guy had affected him and how much I’d have to suffer for his mistakes.
“Let’s just say it didn’t end well.” He regained his composure. “I thought I could save him, and in the end, I couldn’t. It made me realize, as a Daddy, I’m not here to rescue you. I’m here to help you and support you, but if you’re in need of rescuing, you’re going to have to want being rescued.”
I tried to lighten the mood. “It’s a lucky thing I don’t need rescuing, then.”
“That remains to be seen.” He slid the notepad to me and got up from the table. “Those two we had to discuss openly so you know my stance. You should be able to understand the others on your own. If you’re not sure about something or want to negotiate, then let me know.”
I blinked at the long list and swallowed my groan. Was he already dooming our relationship to fail? But at second glance, some of the rules didn’t look too bad.
I was fully aware of him washing up while I read through them and processed the information. He was pretty thorough about his expectations of me. Mostly his list required me to be responsible and respectful.
“How long until you finish college?” he asked me.
“Two years.” I avoided looking at him. “I flunked some major courses I have to retake this year.”
“We’ll have to work on that.”
I did groan then. The thought of college was not exactly a pleasant one. “Why would you want to subject yourself to that torture?”
When he didn’t immediately respond, I glanced up. He was frowning at me, his hands deep in suds.
“Just what type of relationship do you think this is going to be?” He removed his hands from the water and wiped them on the dish towel. “Are you just after kinky sex where you get to call me Daddy? Is that it?”
“What?” I rose from my chair and took a step toward him. “Of course not.”
“Then if I say I’ll help you, I mean that I will because I care about you,” he stated, sounding irritated. “If I just wanted sex, Ashton, I’d have fucked you and moved on from the first night you showed your interest.”
“I didn’t mean to make you upset,” I rushed to say. Everything was still so freaking new, and we were still trying to figure us out. “It’s just that I’m not exactly the brightest when it comes to academics.”
“I’m sure you’ll do fine if you spend less time on your phone, partying, and socializing. I’m going to see to it that you do.”
My eyes widened. “You will?”
“Yes. I’ll take away your phone privileges. You’ll be allowed to go out only after doing your assignments and going over whatever reading material you’re given. And for each exam you pass, I’ll ensure you get a treat.”
I inhaled deeply, my cock liking the idea of a treat. All the privileges he mentioned taking away lost precedence to that. Of course it meant that I’d have to put in the necessary work first to pass the exams. Sometimes I didn’t even believe I had it in me to finish college. But maybe if he helped me to maintain my focus, then I could.