My second class today is Economics. Ugh, why did I let Trey talk me into this class? I’m only taking general education classes right now since I have no clue what career I want to have or what I want to be. It was never really offered as an option before and now that it is, I don’t have any idea what I want to do. Trey assured me that everyone should take an economics class and learn to manage money, no matter what career you end up pursuing, so here I am, settling into the last seat of the first row.
Math has never been my thing, and I took a peek at the chapters of investing and returns in my textbook last night. It looked boring as hell. I’ll probably need to start grabbing a coffee before this class to stay alert, as it looks like a few other students have done.
“Good morning!” a deep voice rings out, and a man walks in with a portfolio and laptop under his arm. I think I hear all the jaws of the women around me slap the desk in unison with mine. This can’t be the professor.
This is not what an economics professor looks like. They’re supposed to be old and crotchety, wrapped in tweed, with a stern demeanor. They are absolutely not supposed to be that young, move with that kind of grace, or have a smile that makes me want to jump on the desk and throw my panties at him.
“I’m Professor Layton Aldrich, but we aren’t going to stand on ceremony.” He leans against his desk and smiles out at the class. “You can call me Mr. Aldrich. I’ll call each of you by your last names, and if you have another preference, you can let me know. Sound good? Great.” He continues, not giving anyone a chance to answer. “First, let’s see who’s here.”
He reaches onto the desk and grabs a tablet, tapping it a few times as he talks. “You know how teachers sometimes have you stand and go around the room to introduce yourself? Don’t you hate that? I’d never do that to you. You absolutely don’t have to stand.”
The classroom titters, but I feel my muscles tense. I hate talking in front of a large group. It makes me anxious, and when I get anxious, I make an idiot of myself because I seem to forget certain words exist. My mind blanks, and I’ll stumble over the easiest stuff which just makes it worse. I need to rehearse what I’m going to say. I need to think, so hopefully he’ll start at the other end of the room.
Introduce myself? Exactly how much information am I supposed to provide? I’ll just say my name and age and that I’m…what? What can I say?
My internal panic is interrupted as I realize the room has fallen silent except for the teacher’s voice. Too silent. All eyes are on me, including those bright blue ones belonging to Mr…ugh I can’t even remember his name.
“Miss? Are you with us?” One side of his mouth curls into a small smile.
“Oh! Yes!” Well, that was fucking loud. Tone it down, girl.
“What’s your name?”
Oh God. Forget remembering his name, I’m not sure I can recall my own. When did it get so hot in here? Can they see I’m sweating like a fat kid playing dodgeball? It finally comes to me. “Kelly. Um…Kelly Bryant.”
“It’s good to meet you, Ms. Bryant. So, three questions, just for an icebreaker. I’m not grading your answers.” The class chuckles, but all I can do is swallow hard. All the moisture in my mouth has disappeared. “First, tell us what you like to do.”
I would but I’ve forgotten everything. I’m a complete stranger to my own brain right now and I know whatever comes out is going to be stupid. Too bad it doesn’t keep me from talking. “Oh…um…I don’t know. I guess I like to read…” What are they called? Don’t do this to me brain! “Um…you know…pages and stuff.”
The giggles floating around the room don’t help, and I know my face must be turning red.
“A reader. Good.” He smiles and nods at me like I’m not acting like a complete idiot. “Second question. Why did you take Economics?”
It’s not what I expected, and I pause, blinking for a moment before giving him the honest answer. “My brother said I should. That everyone should.”
“Smart guy.” He nods and takes a step back where he can lean on the desk again.
I’m starting to relax a little. As long as I just look at him and pretend this is a regular conversation and that there aren’t forty other pairs of eyes on me, I might make it through without any other stupidity.
“The last question is one you get to ask. What’s something you’ve always wondered about but never asked?”
The words spill out of my mouth without any conscious effort. I’m not sure I actually spoke them until the roar of laughter rolls over me. “Do crabs think we walk sideways?”
To Mr. Aldrich’s credit, he tries not to lose it along with the rest of the class. His hand goes to his mouth, but not quite fast enough to hide the wide smile I might’ve thought was sexy if it wasn’t there because I’m an idiot. His eyes glaze over as he fights the urge to laugh, and he shakes his head as the laughter dies down.
“Ms. Bryant, that is—hands down—the best question I’ve ever been asked. I’ve never been so disappointed not to have an answer. I’ll have to get back to you.”
Finally, he moves on to the next student, and I lay my hot face in my hands.
Well, off to a great start, Kelly. What do you have planned for act two?
I do my best to pay attention through the rest of the class, but between the fading embarrassment and the little smile Mr. Aldrich gets every time he glances my direction, it isn’t easy. Fortunately, the rest of the class only consists of student introductions, an overview of what we’ll be studying this semester, and a quick review of the syllabus. He ends up dismissing a bit early, and I make a beeline for the door.
Out in the hot, early afternoon sun, I take a deep breath. I have an hour to kill before my last class, so I grab an iced coffee from the small café affiliated with the school. About half of the tables are taken by students. There are a few I recognize from class, but I’m not interested in joining them or trying to make friends today. A few minutes alone is what I need.
It feels a little awkward to sit by myself. Before I moved, I would’ve never gone out for a coffee or to eat alone. My friends would’ve seen that as pathetic, and my mother would’ve had a heart attack. A quick glance around shows me that no one is paying any attention to me. Maybe doing things on your own isn’t as outrageous as I was led to believe.
It gives me an opportunity to flip through my new school handbook. The section I’m interested in lists all the clubs and extracurricular activities available. There’s a long list since the university welcomes the community college students to join as well.
Our campus is unique since it’s a combination of the state university and the town community college. Many students—me included—take advantage of the opportunity to attend classes at the community college, then transfer to the university after the second year. It saves a lot of money.
Zara’s advice that I find something I’m good at has been ringing in my head. Maybe I’m not good at anything, but that doesn’t mean I can’t learn something new. Now that I don’t have to worry about how my choices will be judged, I’m eager to try new things.
The only thing I’ve ever been told I had a talent for was playing the piano. It’s something I really enjoy, but while my mother encouraged me to learn and even bought me a beautiful piano, my father made it clear that it was a novelty. Something to entertain, but ultimately a useless talent.