Honestly the thought of telling Gavin terrifies the shit out of me. Not because I’m afraid of him or anything, I’m more just afraid of what it will do to our relationship. Gavin is not just Charlie’s brother, he’s mine. And while a part of me thinks maybe he will be okay with the fact that I’ve fallen for his sister, the other part of me knows that he won’t take my lying to him and keeping this secret very lightly.
He will see it as a betrayal and that’s exactly what it is. I’m betraying his trust. I’m lying straight to his face. And at the current moment, I have his sister secretly hidden in my hotel room.
I have to get my shit straight, get my own place, and then figure out how the hell I want to address this situation. In the meantime, whatever happens between me and Charlie has to stay firmly between the two of us.
Charlie’s breathing changes, evening out to a slow steady pattern of inhales and exhales as she finally drifts off to sleep in my arms. I kiss the side of her head, wishing that things could be different for us. I want nothing more than to show this girl how much she means to me. I want to scream it from the rooftops and make sure every single fucking person on this planet knows who she belongs to. Having her finally in my arms after all this time and not being able to publicly stake my claim on her is a fuck of a lot harder than I thought it would be.
Trailing my fingertips lightly up and down her bare arm, I stare down at her beautiful face as she sleeps. Fuck, the things I’m risking for this girl.
Gavin and Deck are the only solids in my life; the two constants that have never changed throughout all of my family drama and bullshit. The fact that I’m lying to them both goes against every instinct I have.
Those two took me into their little group and embraced me into their family without a second thought. I was thirteen at the time. A pissed off rebellious teenager who’s mom shipped him off to live with his dad because she couldn’t handle him. I was all sorts of fucked up. And I was alone. But then again, I guess in a way so were they.
After Decklan’s brother died the bond between us became unbreakable. We held each other up when we couldn’t find the strength to support ourselves. Then Gavin’s father passed. That was hard. Tim Porter was a great man. I’m just thankful that Charlie didn’t come home for the funeral. It was hard enough seeing Gavin and Rosie in such pain. Seeing Charlie mourn him would have been more than I could bear.
Next came my mother’s illness. Things never really got any easier between me and my mom as the years passed. It wasn’t until my father remarried and moved to Texas, just after my nineteenth birthday, that I finally decided it was time.
It was a slow process. The years of absence had driven a wedge between us that I was certain I would never be able to overcome. That is until she got sick. Moving back to California at the age of twenty-two to take care of a woman who I barely knew wasn’t easy, but I couldn’t just let her suffer alone.
For months I did what I could to rebuild our relationship as I watched her wither away. Each day the light in her eyes would grow dimmer until some days she would barely even open them at all.
It seemed so unfair. I lost my mom years ago, only to find her again when her days left on this earth were numbered. When she finally passed just over a year ago, something in me shifted. I haven’t been the same since.
I spent nearly six months in California after she passed waiting on the house to sell. It felt weird handing it over to someone else, someone who didn’t understand the history or the woman who had called it home for so many years, but it also felt good to finally let it all go.
When I returned to Oregon just a few months ago, I took the first real breath I had taken in years. Something was missing while I was in California. It was apparent almost instantly upon returning that what I was missing was my family. My brothers. My best friends.
I let out a deep exhale, resting my chin on the top of Charlie’s head as I tighten my hold on her.
For the first time since my mother passed, I feel like I have something to look forward to. I’ve spent so long punishing myself for the wall I put between us during my teen years that I’ve felt too guilty to build a future with the inheritance she left me. Being my mother’s only child, I got everything. Not that I ever cared about any of that. But now I think I’m finally ready to use some of it.
I can’t think of a better way to spend my mother’s life savings then by building a life of my own with it. A life I fully intend to spend with the girl currently sleeping peacefully in my arms.
With that thought still lingering in the front of my mind, I close my eyes and finally feel sleep threatening to take me under. A calm washes over me as my mind fogs; peace I didn’t ever think I would find. Peace that I knew only Charlie could give me.
It’s her. It’s always been her. The light at the end of a very dark tunnel. The one thing I knew eventually I wouldn’t be able to live without. It took me years to finally get here but fuck me if I’m ever letting her go again.
****
It’s been two weeks since we returned home from Vegas. Two torturous weeks where I’ve only gotten to see Charlie a handful of times and it’s fucking killing me. I feel like a fucking teenager again, having to sneak around and keep my life hidden from those around me.
I hate it.
I hate every single moment of it, but I know this is just how things have to be for now.
The moment we returned home I started looking for my own place. It took me only a few days before I settled on leasing a condo in the same building as Gavin’s. It’s not ideal to live in the same building given my current situation but it’s the best I could find given the short window of time I allotted myself.
It’s not my forever home but it will do for now. I plan to buy that home with Charlie when the time is right.
There I go again, getting ahead of myself. It’s hard to not fucking start planning my future when I feel like I finally have exactly what I’ve always wanted.
“Hey. I took the two boxes in the living room down. Anything else I can grab?” Gavin leans against the doorframe of the bedroom, crossing his arms in front of his chest.
“No, I just have this and I’m set.” I gesture to my guitar and two duffel bags laying on the bed.
“You seriously didn’t have to move out so quickly dude. There was no rush.” He reassures me for the hundredth time, clearly assuming I’m leaving to give him and Harlee more space.
Even though she’s attending school nearly two hours away, she practically lives with Gavin now. But little does he know, my decision has very little to do with him and Harlee.
“I know.” I flop down next to my stuff on the mattress. “But it’s time. I can’t live in your spare room for the rest of my life.”
“I think I’m gonna miss having you around.” He admits.
“Well lucky for you I’m not going far.” I laugh.
Considering my unit is directly two floors below his, I think it’s safe to say we will still see plenty of each other.
“True.” He nods, moving inside the room to grab one of the duffels off of the bed. “Come on. I’ll help you run the last of this down.”
“Thanks man.” I grab the remaining bag and my guitar case before following him out of the room.
“Deck said you’re dropping down to only one night a week at the bar.” Gavin questions as we climb onto the elevator.