Chapter One
Paxton
I’m so fucked up.
I know I shouldn’t be here.
I tried to stop myself from following her down the hall.
I tried to resist when she pulled me into her room and locked the door behind us.
I keep telling myself to stop.
To stop kissing her.
To stop touching her incredible skin.
To just stop.
But I can’t.
I am so lost in the way her soft moans sound against my ear. In the way her fingers dig so deep into my fucking back it’s like she’s afraid she might fall if she loses her grip on me. In the way we seem to fit together like we were made to complete one another.
Everything about this girl is fucking perfect.
Everything except one very important thing…
She’s my best friend’s little sister.
Charlie Porter.
I’ve known her for over half of my life. Hell, I fucking watched her grow up. I watched the skinny, awkward girl with a stutter turn into a stunning beautiful woman that fucking haunts me day and night.
And now she’s here. She’s in my arms. She’s panting my name. She’s withering beneath me. And it’s even more incredible than I ever imagined.
I know that this is something I will live to regret, but also one of those moments that I can’t force myself to walk away from. I may not be able to have her, but tonight, for just this small snippet of time, Charlie Porter is mine.
Chapter Two
Three Years Later…
Paxton
“I can’t stop thinking about you. You’re all I see. You’re all I want. I’m going out of my fucking mind.”
I stare back at my reflection, hoping that just saying the words out loud will somehow calm the need I have to say them directly to Charlie. Words I have wanted to say to her since she returned home from New York just a few short weeks ago.
Why did she have to fucking come home? I had made my peace with what happened between us. Well, as much peace as a person can make with something they are forced to live with, or without as it were.
I watched her pack up and leave for New York knowing there was nothing I could do to stop her and I never breathed a word to anyone of our night together. But now she’s back and I just can’t seem to shake her. No matter how hard I try she’s always there, in the front of my mind, forcing me to face what I thought I had left in the past.
“Fuck.” I run my hands through my hair, letting out a slow breath.
I have to get a grip. I made my choice three years ago. Charlie being home does not change that. It was one night. One brilliant night that has played on repeat in my mind countless times since. Regardless, it doesn’t change the fact that this is Charlie Porter. Gavin’s little sister. My best friend’s little sister.
I should have never crossed that line in the first place. I still feel guilty as fuck for it. Acting on anything now would just add to that and honestly, I don’t like keeping things from Gavin and Decklan. They are my brothers. My family.
I can’t do this.
“I can’t do this,” I repeat out loud, meeting my gaze in the bathroom mirror.
I’ve been drinking with Gavin most of the evening. I’m not drunk but I’m not exactly sober either. I just know I shouldn’t be anywhere near Charlie in my condition. I’m too exposed. When Gavin said he wanted to get fucked up, I agreed whole heartedly, never expecting Charlie to show up hours in.
Letting out another slow exhale, I shut off the running sink water and quickly exit the bathroom. I can hear Gavin rustling around in his bedroom as I step into the hallway, but instead of heading back to the room I’m temporarily staying in; I turn and head down the hall toward the living room.
The moment I turn the corner and spot Charlie standing in front of the large window that overlooks downtown Portland, her arms crossed in front of herself, my mind just goes blank. My pep talk to myself just minutes ago disappearing somewhere behind the fog that seems to surround my brain every time I lay eyes on this girl.
She turns her head, hearing me approach. Her dark eyes meet mine for a fraction of a second before turning back out the window.
“What’s Gavin doing?” I ask, trying to keep the conversation casual. The same tactic I’ve been using for weeks.
“Who knows?” She shrugs, not looking in my direction as I step up next to her, my gaze also focused on the city below us.
“Shouldn’t you know?” I question. “Aren’t you the one they sent to keep an eye on him?” I ask, knowing Deck is the reason she’s here.
Asshole could’ve at least given me a heads up. Then again why would he? He doesn’t have a clue about anything involving me and Charlie. Hell, he probably thought he was doing me a favor by sending over reinforcements.
“I was sent to keep him here,” she corrects. “Not monitor his every move.” She shifts, letting out a long exhale. “He’s pretty tore up over that girl,” she adds softly.
“He is,” I agree. “But that’s what love will do to a man.” My statement pulls her gaze towards me.
“Like you would know. You’ve never been with a girl long enough to love her,” she quips.
Her attempt to be playful falls flat and I can tell immediately that she knows it. I know her too well. She knows I do. Which is why she’s spent weeks trying to act like everything between us is completely normal when we both know it’s not.
I’ve tried to talk to her about what happened between us. Hell, I’ve opened my mouth countless times but then can’t seem to find the words. So I’ve left it alone. I’ve played along in her little game to pretend like everything is fine. I’m just not sure how much longer I can do it.
“I know what it feels like to be in love someone.” I keep my voice steady, my eyes focused on the city lights below rather than looking at the girl whose eyes are burning holes in the side of my face.
“I didn’t realize.” I can hear the hurt in her voice despite the fact that she tries to hide it.
Turning my face, the moment my eyes reach hers I suck in a ragged breath. She’s so fucking beautiful it hurts. She pushes her dark brown hair over her shoulder, causing it to fall in thick waves to the middle of her back, as she narrows her gaze at me. We’re close enough that I can see the yellow that freckles her dark eyes. It takes everything in me not to reach out and trail my hand down her perfect ivory skin. Fuck. The power this girl has over me is terrifying.
It hurts that she believes my love would be for someone other than her. It hurts to look at her knowing I can’t have her. It hurts to stand this close to her knowing I can’t touch her.
I can feel my skin start to prickle the longer I stare at her. Every single fiber of my being wants to fucking pull her into my arms and claim her as my own.
“Why are playing with me?” The words leave my mouth without a thought.
Her eyes widen and she lets out a nervous laugh, clearly caught off guard by my question.
“Me?” She phrases it like it’s the most ridiculous thing she’s ever heard.
“You.” I confirm, not meaning for the word to sound so harsh.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” She stumbles over her words, the same way she’s always done when she gets flustered.