Chapter Six
What the hell was wrong with me?
I woke up the next morning, my head pounding. After my little episode with Dell in my room, we went back downstairs and sat on the sofa. I leaned against him, and Dell put an arm around my shoulders. At least I hadn’t messed everything up with him. I was starting to wonder if I was completely out of my mind. Dell had offered me what I thought I had always wanted. In high school I used to think of him sneaking into my room and the two of us would spend the night there, curled up together in a haze of passion that would go on and on. But last night we talked and watched television, and I just knew that things were different. It was my fault, and I didn’t know what to do to fix it.
After Dell left, I broke into Dad’s whiskey and had a shot… or four before Dad got home. When it came to alcohol, I was a real lightweight, and my head was spinning almost immediately. And the more I thought about last night, the more my head spun again and I knew I was an idiot. But where it concerned Dell, I wanted it all. I didn’t want to sneak around. I wanted to do what he and I had done on that dance floor—held each other out in the open, and damn everyone else. Not that I wanted to have sex in front of a bunch of people or anything, but I didn’t want to sneak Dell into my room for a quickie and hope my dad didn’t come home. I wanted to take my time, to have Dell to myself.
Like I said, I was a fool of epic proportions.
“Clay,” Dad called from downstairs, and I climbed out of bed, dressed, and hurried down. “You left your phone down here last night, and it started dinging a while ago.” He handed it to me and crutched his way back toward the kitchen. “I’m making breakfast.”
“How are you going to do that?” I asked.
“I’ll figure it out.”
I guess Dad was tired of my cooking already.
Rather than argue with him, I tromped back upstairs to clean up and returned to the scent of bacon and eggs with toast. He seemed to have navigated the kitchen, and I didn’t reprimand him for trying to do too much.
“How much longer are you going to stay?” He brought a plate to the table and then a second, carefully using one crutch. “My foot is getting a lot better, and I’m going to start sleeping in my own room again. I can make my own food, so I’m not going to starve, and you got the crops in for me.” He sat down, and I sighed. I should have known things would get to this point.
“Are you tired of having me here? I can go whenever you want me to.” I stabbed my eggs with more force than was necessary.
“You don’t have to go, but I should get used to doing things for myself.”
I agreed with that, but wondered if Dad was trying to get at something else.
“You were really helpful, and you saved the farm from a potential disaster.” He lowered his head and began to eat in earnest.
I figured the conversation part of breakfast was over, so I ate as well. Once I was done, I took my dishes to the sink, put on my heavy jacket, called Rex to come outside with me, and strode to the toolshed, where I kicked a bucket. It flew through the air and crashed into the back wall of the shed.
“Dammit.” I had come back and rescued the farm. I did as he asked. Would it hurt him to say thank you, or to at least talk to me for more than two seconds? Sometimes I didn’t understand him at all, and maybe I never would. I banged around the work bench, with Rex staying away, until my anger and frustration ebbed like a wave. My father was the man he was, and it was unrealistic for me to expect him to change. That road led to nothing but frustration.
Yanking out the old stool from under the bench, I plopped myself on it and took out my phone. “Hey, Alan, you got a minute?” I asked when he answered.
“Yeah. I’m on the train on my way to work, so I have some time. How is it going there?”
“I got the last of the harvest in yesterday, and it rained all night and….” As if on cue, the rain began again, pounding the roof. “Here comes some more.” I sighed, my mood as gray as the low clouds outside. “Maybe it’s time I came back.”
“What happened? I thought you were going to stay a little longer. Did things go badly with tall, dark, and hunky as all get-out? If they did, can I have a shot at him?”
I knew Alan was kidding, but the joke irked me a little. “No, you can’t,” I growled, and Alan laughed.
“Okay. So, if things are still on with hot stuff, why are you coming back?” Voices behind him made it a little hard to hear. “Is it your dad? He seemed okay when I was there.”
I shrugged even though he couldn’t see me. “That’s part of it.”
“But not all. So spill. What did you do?” Alan asked as though he were omniscient. “I know you well enough to know that you got yourself wrapped up in your own head and you’re messing things up. Just tell me so I can help you fix it.”
“Dad went to a lodge meeting last night, and Dell came over and made me a nice dinner.”
“And afterward? Did things progress?” Alan could make the phone book sound dirty. It was one of his real talents. “What happened? Just tell me.”
“Yeah, things progressed, and Dad wasn’t home, so….”
Alan inhaled sharply. “You didn’t go upstairs and have sex in your old room like some teenager?”
Part of the knot in my belly relaxed. “We did go up, but nothing happened.”
Alan sighed. “Thank God.”
“Yeah, well, I got my one and only chance to be with him, and I blew it.” Now I sounded like a whiny baby, and I hated it.
“Hardly. Look, you acted like a grownup rather than a horny teenager. You’ve built this whole thing up in your head since high school, and you want candles, music, romance, fireworks, and God knows what else. That’s a lot to live up to, but it certainly isn’t going to happen in your childhood bedroom.” Alan snickered. “When are you supposed to see him again?”
“Saturday. He and I are spending the day with Archie.”
“Hmmmm…,” Alan hummed, then grew quiet for a minute. If it hadn’t been for the train noise in the background, I’d have thought I’d lost the connection. “I got it. I know just what you should do.”
Alan was right. I kept telling myself that for two days as I set everything up and then called Dell. I was actually anxious to see if he would take my call.
“Do you think you can come over on Thursday evening? If you want, you’re welcome to bring Archie,” I told him, and Dell—to my surprise—agreed. So now I needed to settle my nerves and pull myself together before Dell and Archie got here.
I showered and dressed in nice jeans and a long-sleeved shirt and sweater. I wanted to look nice. I grabbed my boots and headed down the stairs.
“Grampy, I’m here to see you.” Archie’s call rang through the house like a bell, instantly filling the place with cheer.
I met them in the living room. Dell looked edible in simple jeans and a light green oxford. I hadn’t told him much other than to invite him over.
“Archie,” I began as I sat down to put my boots, “I need to take a walk with your dad. Do you think you can keep Grampy and Rex company for a while?” I hadn’t mentioned any of this to my father, and I felt a little bad about it for two seconds.