“It must be bad.”
“Probably not that bad. Alan did work hard, and I appreciate everything he did. The garden is brought in except for a few lingering things that Dad can use up until the killing frost. The freezers are full and so is the pantry, thanks to Alan.” It was a huge help. “Alan actually had a good time, and he said that if I was coming back here in the spring, he’d like to help plant the garden. It seems Alan has a real green thumb that he doesn’t use in the city. I told him that if we come, I’d set aside a part of the garden that he could have for himself.”
“It sounds like the country worked its magic on him a little.” Dell seemed inordinately pleased.
“I suppose it did.” I sipped from the wine and took a bite of the salad. The dressing was fresh and bright—perfect. “Did you ever leave the area for the city?”
“I got as far as Milwaukee for a few months, but it was too loud and everything ran too fast. I had an apprenticeship with a firm down there, and I stayed long enough to complete it. But afterward, I asked Mom and Dad if it would be okay to come back here and try to start a business. I thought I would love getting away, but it turned out this was home after all.”
I thought about how hard it had been to adjust to life in Chicago. Everything was more expensive, and there were so many people. But I got used to it and then grew to love having the world at my fingertips. I could get anything I wanted at a moment’s notice.
“It’s so quiet here. At night I don’t hear anything, and it’s taken me awhile to get used to it. Though I have to say that it wasn’t too bad. The city is always filled with sound and light. Here it’s dark and there’s only the wind, the animals, and occasional car to break up the night.” The country had its advantages.
We talked as we finished eating, the conversation shifting to Archie for a while and the fact that he was going to go to preschool after the first of the year. “He’s growing up so fast. In a year he’ll be in kindergarten, and that’s the beginning of him becoming his own person. I remember holding him in my arms for the first time, and now he has his own personality and he can turn on the charm.”
“Just like his dad,” I said with a smile. “You always were too danged charming for your own good.” There were so many times in school when that charm would turn in my direction, and I had thought it was meant for me. Maybe it had been, based on what Dell had told me, but then again, maybe part of it was me reading things that weren’t there. I had always thought it was one or the other, but it could have been both. “What do your parents think of you dating?”
“Mom thinks it’s about time, which is why she helped me get everything together for the dinner. My dad is… quiet about it. Mom would have a fit if he said anything to me, but I can tell he wishes that I would find some girl to date and give Archie a mother.” Dell rolled his eyes dramatically. “I think my dad is a lot like your dad. He just doesn’t understand, and I don’t think he wants to. He’s stubborn and he doesn’t change his mind easily. But he also won’t go against Mom, especially since he knows how she feels. And he loves Archie to death.”
“That little boy is old-man kryptonite.” I chuckled. No one could possibly meet Archie and not smile.
“That he is, and he’s mellowed my father a great deal in a lot of ways.” Dell shrugged. “Maybe Dad and I need to sit down and talk, just the two of us. I have no intention of going backward in my life. I know who I am now and who I want in my life.” The determination in Dell’s eyes was sexy as hell.
“Yeah, well, Dad and I didn’t talk for five years because of who I slept with, among other things, so I think you’re one up on that.” I finished my glass of wine and poured another. “I don’t quite know how to talk to him. I tried explaining things, and he listened, so I have to give him credit for that. But I’m having trouble seeing how he and I can have a relationship going forward. I get the feeling that Dad is putting up with me because he needs me.”
Dell shook his head and then stood to clear the dishes and put them in the sink. “Your dad doesn’t know what to make of you. He’s nearly seventy, and he’s already lost your mother.” Dell turned around. “Did it ever occur to you that he’s scared? That he can’t afford to lose you, so it’s easier to just push you away? I know it sounds stupid, but fear does crazy things, and if he takes a chance and you reject him, then it’s worse for him than never trying. At least then there’s some sort of hope.” Dell took my hand. “All I’m asking for is a chance, just like the one you want your dad to give you.” Dell walked around to my side of the table.
I followed him with my gaze, turning my head until he approached, then raised my line of sight until he bent over, took my cheeks in my hands, and closed the distance between us.
“Your dad knows that I’m here this evening.”
“Did you arrange all this with him?” I was greatly surprised.
“Yeah. He wasn’t going to go to his lodge thing, but after I asked him, he decided he would spend the evening away.”
That was shocking to me. I had never thought of my dad as someone who would cooperate in any way with my social life. A ton of questions all raced through my mind, but they came to a screeching halt as Dell kissed me. I turned in my chair to face him, and he leaned even closer, wrapped his arms around me, and tugged me to my feet. Then he took my hands and lead me into the living room, where we sat on the sofa and proceeded to neck like teenagers.
At least, like most teenagers. I had never been the necking kind, even when I was younger, so this was a completely new experience. For a second I wondered what my father would think if he knew what we were doing in the place where he had been sleeping for the past few weeks. But hell, what he didn’t know wasn’t going to hurt him.
“Come on,” Dell breathed.
“Where are we going?” I asked, swallowing hard because I sure hoped this wasn’t coming to an end. My entire body was on fire for this man.
“To your room,” Dell whispered.
I held Dell’s hand while he led me to the stairs and then down to my bedroom. I felt like a teenager again, sneaking someone into my room while my folks were gone. It was exciting, and once we were inside, I closed the door, and for the very first time, had Dell all to myself. I stepped closer, pressing him against the door. He closed his arms around me, and I damn near tried to climb him.
“What are we doing?” I asked, pulling away. “I mean, this is great, but I always pictured that my first time with you would be somewhere more special.” He stepped back, and I sat on the edge of the bed.
Dell sat next to me. “I guess I got carried away. I mean, I thought this was what you wanted and….” Now he sounded nervous.
“I do.” I took his hand. “There are places where things can be special between us, but I don’t think my childhood bedroom is that place.” It was difficult for me to explain. I had dreamed of having a chance like this for years and Dell was offering it to me, yet I was backing away. Dell squeezed my hand and leaned in to kiss me gently. “You deserve better than this… we both do.”
Sometimes I thought I was out of my mind.