When I got home, I found all the drawers and cabinets in my kitchen flung wide open. I quickly closed them, then went upstairs to take a hot shower, refusing to relate this event to the other oddities I’d been experiencing at home. Assuring myself it was simply the result of thunder shaking the house.
Chapter Five
With the storm still banging and flashing outside, it took me a while to realize my phone was ringing. I also had the music up loud because I’d been rage-cooking all afternoon. Figured I might as well not waste the food I’d bought for the kids’ visit that didn’t happen. And I needed something to occupy myself after that awful visit with my father.
To say I was in a bad mood didn’t quite encompass the gravity of my inner tantrum. I seethed self-indulgently, a thirty-six-year old man with daddy issues singing angrily along with the Sex Pistols whilst smashing garlic and demolishing fresh parsley. Between trying to process that my father was a cheating scoundrel, and still burning with rejection over my kids canceling, my emotions were as turbulent as the weather. I longed for something to lash out at besides the vegetable lasagna, which received the brunt of my wrath as I beat eggs into ricotta with such force the spoon broke.
Checking my phone, I’d missed a call from an unknown number, and there was a voicemail. My entire body stiffened as I listened to the message, recognizing the voice.
‘This is Orion…I guess you know who I am now. Jasper called this morning and said you don’t want me doing him favors no more. The fuck you think you are? You’re stepping way outside your lane, my man. You treat your dad like shit but won’t let me help him out? Gonna make his life harder just because you don’t like what I represent? Sorry if what he told you ruined your childhood or whatever, but you got some nerve, selfish prick.’
The message ended. I pulled the phone away from my ear and stared at it. My hand was trembling and my heart racing. “Really?”
I was stepping outside my lane concerning my own father? Ballsy little shit. Who the fuck did he think he was? Some grifter who felt entitled because Jasper was banging his mom?
I called my father, and surprisingly, he picked up. He usually avoided the phone, especially when it was me on the other end. “Kurt?”
“Did you give Orion my number?”
“Shit.” He sighed. “Orion called you?”
“He left a message, and he’s gonna wish he hadn’t.”
“Ah, damn it. This is the last thing I wanted, you boys fighting.”
I chuckled, but it came out high and squeaky, on the edge of maniacal. “No, no, no, we won’t be saying that, don’t say ‘you boys’ like we’re fucking brothers!”
“I didn’t mean it like that, I—”
“And don’t just give out my number! What the hell were you thinking?”
“Watch your tone, Kurt, I didn’t give him your number. He’s just resourceful. Is that all?”
“No, that’s not all. Did you tell this punk that I treat you like shit? Did you?”
A pause, then a sigh. “Not directly, but he may have been given that impression.”
“Dad! What the hell? Why?”
“He was getting more curious about you lately, asking a lot of questions. I may have said a few things to dissuade him from wanting to meet you. I didn’t mean any of them.”
I was speechless for a moment. And regretting pushing my father to open up to me this morning. Shit, I was damn near nostalgic already for the closed-off curmudgeon who would never tell me a damn thing. Because the more I learned, the more flabbergasted I was by what he was saying. At least this explained the hostility swimming in Orion’s eyes when I cornered him at the park. He thought I was being mean to my old man.
I rested my arm on the countertop and flopped my head down on it, trying to summon my patience. “Okay, let me get this straight. You’ve been lying to Orion and telling him I’m an asshole and a bad son because you didn’t want us to talk. Is that the long and short of it?”
“I…I didn’t want to take the chance he’d…tell you things.”
“Things like you cheating on Mom.”
“Yes. Orion has loose lips, and I wasn’t ready for that conversation yet.”
“Great. Now your entitled little stepson thinks I’m a monster and he doesn’t mind calling to tell me so. Thanks, Dad. I really needed that on top of everything else.”
“Sorry, I’m sure he was just blowing off steam. He’s a busy young man, he’s not gonna keep bothering you. He’ll have forgotten it by tomorrow. There’s nothing to worry about, Squirt. I did what you asked and told him I didn’t need his help anymore.”
“Well, you were right in your prediction. He sure didn’t like that.”
“He’ll be fine. Don’t worry, I’ll smooth it over with him.”
I straightened. Smooth it over? With Orion? I realized I’d been making a lot of assumptions about my father’s intentions, none of them correct. My desire had been for him to stop spending time with the guy at all. At least to respect my mother’s memory, since he was supposedly so broken up with guilt.
Based on Orion’s volatile message, I thought this was what Jasper had conveyed to him—that he wasn’t going to see him anymore. But now I wasn’t so sure. Did my dad think what I was really mad about was someone else buying him fucking cereal? Did he assume the ‘helping’ part was the bit that bothered me about him playing surrogate daddy to the child of his former…mistress? Side piece? I didn’t know what to call her. I only knew my dad wasn’t quite getting that Orion was the loose end of a thread I wanted him to cut, utterly and completely.
“Kurt, you still there?”
“Yeah, I heard you. But did you also tell him you’re not going to be seeing him anymore?”
“What, you mean not seeing him at all?”
“Yes!”
“Oh come on now, I can’t do that. It wouldn’t be right. He’s done nothing wrong. You can’t blame Orion for my mistakes.”
“You are unbelievable, you know that?”
“Oh for heaven’s sake, get off my back. You’re being dramatic. And don’t call me again today. I’m trying to watch the ballgame and I’ve missed half of it. Goodbye.”
He hung up on me, and I stared at the phone once more. Apparently, the grace period for him being a mournful, guilt-ridden version of himself was already over. I huffed a laugh and set the phone down on the kitchen counter. “Unbelievable.”
I paced my kitchen for a minute, then stirred the meatballs simmering on the stove, my son Matthew’s favorite recipe, made with fresh garlic, parmesan, and diced green peppers. Then I slid the two pans of vegetable lasagna—my daughter Mia’s favorite—into the oven. My eyes shifted to my phone, realizing that if I chose to take advantage of it, I potentially had a live outlet for my rage. Someone who would fight back, unlike the vegetable lasagna.
Don’t call him. Do not call him. After all, did it really matter what Orion thought of me? Maybe not, but knowing someone out there believed something terrible about me grated, along with the fact that Jasper was going to get away with lying about me to cover his own ass. I might not have always been the most communicative guy in the world, but I’d sure as shit always stood up for myself, for my integrity. And I did have integrity. I was not the type of person to mistreat my aging father, for Christ’s sake. And that anyone, even Boho The Clown out there, thought so, was too much for me to just swallow and forget about.