The real damage is to my mind, but they’ll all know that as well, I suppose.
I rub my hands over my arms as I stare off into space, forgetting entirely that the water is probably piping hot by now, and a chill settles into my bones at the sight of the aftermath of using my Gift. It's nothing that I wasn't already expecting, but it still bothers me. There’s no denying how many people I killed today.
It’s written all over me.
Finally, I duck underneath the hot spray and let it fall over my head, soaking through and washing away some of the disgust I feel at myself. I have to scrub viciously to clean my hair; the blood and dirt is a nightmare to wash out. By the time the water falling from me finally starts to clear, I hear the door open.
I don’t need to turn to know that the god-bond has come looking for me.
I open my mouth to tell it… something, I don’t really know what, when North’s voice filters through our mind connection to me.
The gods have agreed to tell us what we need to know. All of them.
Gryphon's bond refuses to speak unless he is seated right next to me, so I find myself wedged between it and Atlas, his arm around my shoulders as he tucks me in close to his side. I'm still not afraid of the bond doing anything to me, but I already know that this is more about satisfying Atlas’ need for my protection than anything else.
North sits across from us all with a file in front of him that’s full of Nox’s research notes, everything we have so far on the god-bonds throughout history. Nox sits on the other side of Gryphon with a stern face and watchful eyes as he takes in the god-bond wearing his best friend. His shadows are still out and snuffling around on the floor at our feet, pretending that they’re docile and playful creatures and not the nightmare monsters they truly can be should anything happen to Nox or I.
Perfect little puppies.
Gabe is sitting on the other side of Atlas, nursing a small glass with an antacid in it. His face is still looking a little green as he sips away at the mixture. When I give him a questioning look, he grimaces at me.
“The dragon ate too many of the Resistance, and apparently, that doesn't agree with my stomach.”
Atlas scoffs and laughs at him, barely reacting when I dig my elbow into his stomach uselessly. He does duck down to press a kiss to my hair, almost as though he’s repentant.
A total lie.
North’s eyes flick around at each of the Bonded Group until they land on me, sticking for a moment on the color of my hair and the bruise around my eye before he says, “I've already called Felix, and he will be down to see us once the TacTeam members who were injured are in stable condition. He’s been delayed with the influx from the second Wasteland clean-out.”
I shrug and wiggle into Atlas’ side a little further, taking comfort in the warm weight of his arm around me. “I’m not worried about it. It doesn't hurt or anything, and I think we all have bigger issues to deal with.”
North's mouth turns down a little further, but he gives me a curt nod. I already know that he is the fixer of our Bonded Group, the one who has to make everything as perfect as it can be. So his attitude is merely because there is a problem he can't immediately fix, the unpleasantness of it doubling since it's his beloved Bonded with the issue.
Sometimes, I think I don’t deserve this man and his love.
I try to shake the feeling out of myself, the tendrils of self-loathing that sometimes come after I’ve used my Gift like this, but they have their claws dug in tightly under my skin.
The god-bond next to me cocks his head again. He looks curiously like a feline every time he does it, but when he reaches out his hand towards my face, everyone at the table reacts at the same time.
“No.”
“Don't touch her.”
“If you even attempt anything on her right now—”
I hear them all, but my bond moves my body regardless, leaning my face in until his palm rests over my bruised cheek. His Gift flows through me, chasing away the throbbing pain that was there before, and I think that’s the end of it, his pain-numbing ability a familiar thing to me by now.
Then North's eyes widen across the table from me.
“Since when have you had the ability to heal?” he says. “Or is this something that has come with the god-bond waking up?”
I feel the god-bond stroke his thumb over my cheekbone, the first true sign of affection between the two of us, and I don't need my own bond kicking in to nuzzle further into it.
I don't think it's going to kill Gryphon.
It might be naive of me to say, but I don't think that any of them are displeased with the vessels they have woken up inside of this time around; not even North’s bond, no matter how much they have argued.
It could have easily killed him long before I came into the picture.
“There is nothing in the mind that I cannot manipulate.”
Atlas’ arm tenses around me and he snaps, “Get out of her head.”
The god-bond only stares him down, apathetic to the worries of the ‘vessel’ in front of it. “Healing her was as simple as convincing her mind unconsciously to do so. She was never in any danger.”
But it's not as easy as that.
It never is.
Nox stares at him for a moment longer, his eyes narrowing as he examines him. I raise an eyebrow at him, questioning what exactly it is that he’s seeing here that the rest of us are missing, but he shakes his head at me.
Whatever it is, he doesn't want to share it with the rest of them.
North clears his throat to get the god-bond’s attention once more, before gesturing a hand at him. “We’re all here. We're all willing to listen to what you have to say, and, no matter our concerns, we’re willing to let you sit next to your Bonded… For now.”
The god-bond lets his hand fall away from my face, only to cover my thigh instead, his fingers flexing as he gives it a squeeze. I’m not sure if this is supposed to be a power play or the beginning of a seduction, but my bond is immediately interested in playing along.
I have to shut it down pretty damn quickly.
North watches its every move, but no one attempts to stop it from touching me. Once I’m sure I have control of myself, I let my hand cover it. My own bond hums with contentment in my chest at the connection, even though I won’t let it take things any further right now. It's in a blissfully happy state with how everything is going at the moment, and I take that as a good sign.
“We’ve been here since the beginning. Since sentient life has walked on this earth, there have been others living amongst the Gifted.”
I glance over at Nox. This lines up with what his research has been saying, but he doesn't react to anything that the god-bond is saying. He just watches it with clear eyes as he soaks in every little word, hunting for clues, as he always has.
“The first time I awoke, I did not get to meet my Bonded. I knew something was missing and that there was more to my existence than the desolate life I led. Then the second time… you were there.”
He turns to look at me, and for the first time, I see some expression in his face.
Hunger.
The type that has butterflies rioting in my stomach, the type that says that this man would consume me in the most satisfying and delightful ways if only I would let him, audience be damned.