This man is not what he seems.
Whereas my father is a bad man on a bad path, Benny is a good man on a bad path.
That’s what my instincts are telling me. The way he looks at me, like I might be his salvation but he’s not selfish enough to take it, only makes me want him more. Only makes me want to climb inside of his mind and calm the chaos.
And my body, well…it hungers for him like it has been starved to the brink of death.
Benny is obviously under the impression that I’ve never been around other males before. Of course I have. I haven’t spent my whole life chained in the basement. I know what people consider “classically handsome” and I also know Benny is not that. But I’ve never been interested in the handsome boys. They’re too charming. Deceptive. Used to getting their way. I wouldn’t touch one of them with a ten-foot pole.
Benny is the only one who has ever made me wet between my legs.
He’s the man I picture in the role of hero as I read my notebooks.
My heart tells me there is a gentle giant under this façade of violence—and I’m determined to peel back the layers until I reach it.
Looking up at him through my eyelashes, I pull down the neckline of my dress and offer him a view of my breasts. Are they pleasing to him? I have no idea—
Wait. Yes.
Yes, they are.
He makes a ragged sound, his erection surging up between my legs. “Please, girl, you’re going to make me come.”
Following the urges of my long-denied hormones, I shake my mounds at him and his hips start bouncing me up and down. As if involuntary. “Prove you want me,” I gasp.
“You will regret it,” he grits out, right in my face. “Can’t you see I’m a monster?”
He hates himself. That’s why he won’t let me love him.
“I won’t regret you.” I scrub my palms up and down his big, heaving chest. “Not ever.”
“I kill for a living, Fawn.”
That hits me like a blow to the stomach. I hate violence. I hate it more than anything in this world. Problems should be solved with reasonable words. Negotiations. But I can’t ignore the intuition that he doesn’t like violence, either. A man who has a thirst for murder doesn’t mend squirrel legs and clean up litter in the forest so the animals won’t choke on the plastic. “You’re going to stop for me.”
“I’m…” A shudder passes through him and he stops breathing. “I’m what?”
“You’re going to stop for me.”
As I say those words, the boat slides onto the shore. We’re no longer moving. I look behind me and spy a big, black vehicle waiting nearby. It’s obviously how they reached this point in the swamp before having to switch to the boat. “Fawn, I…don’t know how to do anything else. I’m not good for anything else.”
I take his hands and place them over my bare breasts, earning me another series of lap bounces. Another bear-like groan. “Take me somewhere alone,” I whisper against his chin. “Take what I’m offering a good man. A good man who doesn’t need a gun or his fists to be exactly what I need. If my words can’t convince you of what I see…that you’re a kind man on the inside…then maybe my body can.”
“Fuck,” Benny breathes, standing suddenly and climbing out of the boat with me in his arms, his balance pitching slightly. “I’m at the end of my rope. Have to get my cock inside you.” Turning his head, he pins the other man with a glare. “You stay out here and wait. If I see you anywhere near the car, you’ll regret it.”
Grim sighs and takes a seat on a log. “Lucky bastard.”
Without warning, my back hits the side of the black SUV. Benny’s keys come out, he presses a button and the door is wrenched open. I’m thrown down roughly onto the spacious backseat. Benny stands at the entrance, his blunt fingers fumbling with the fly of his pants, his eyes wild, zeroed in on my womanhood. “Oh Jesus, Jesus, Jesus,” he says, a trickle of sweat going down the side of his face. “No way I’m going to fit in that tiny little thing.”
“The woman is the one who usually thinks that,” I whisper, shaken. It’s finally happening. Benny, my giant from the forest, is going to engage in the act of sex with me. Pleasure.
And then I see it.
His cock.
It’s…no, that can’t be right.
“M-maybe I was wrong,” I say, gulping. “Maybe it won’t go in.”
I’m dragged by the ankles to the edge of the seat. With shaking hands, he reaches up beneath my dress and wrenches the panties down my legs, dropping them onto the seat beside my hip. “I’ve never done this before, either, baby. But I know for a fact, I ain’t stopping now.” He leans in close to look at my flesh and groans, his hips ramming up against the edge of the seat, rocking the SUV. “Christ, no way I could.”
Shock blares through me. “It’s y-your first time, too.”
“Yes.” He rakes a hand through his hair, looking both starved and conflicted. “Yes. And I don’t understand the things I want to do. How can I want to give you pleasure and want to…to fuck you so brutally at the same time?”
“Do whatever feels right,” I urge him, breathless. “I promise to love it.”
A muscle pops in his jaw, his hands settling on my knees. Flexing. Hesitating. And then he jerks my legs open, spits on my sex and slaps at it, sharply. “You like that, horny girl?”
My world has tilted on its axis. One of my stories went like this. The male lover punishing his woman in all manner of sensual ways. It’s the story I read the most often. “Yes.”
“Good.” He settles his generous weight down on top of me, his stiffness parting my folds, sliding the trunk of his arousal up and back through my slickness, stimulating my clit. “Do whatever feels right? Fine. We’re not stopping until that pretty little thing is stretched around me tight and you’re crying up at Daddy for his come.”
I’m whimpering and struggling to breathe now. I thought I was prepared for this onslaught of passion, but my desire is nothing like the written words in the notebook. It’s real and it’s inside of me, screaming to run loose. My fingers are undoing the buttons that run down the front of my dress, wanting to be completely naked for him. Wanting to offer up everything I am. Everything I have. “I kept my virginity for you, Daddy. I was a good girl.”
“I kept mine for you, too, baby,” he says, gruffly, staring down at my nude body in awe. “But that doesn’t make me a good man. I’m worried it means I won’t be able to control myself.” Slowly, his fingertips trail up the center of my body and he wraps a meaty hand behind my neck, his thumb massaging my throat, his manhood pulsing between my legs. “I don’t deserve this. You. You should be wrapped in silk in a palace somewhere. Not lying here with your legs spread open for a beast.”
“I don’t want to be anywhere else,” I whisper, shaken, reaching up to run my hands down the sides of his face, wrapping my thighs around his hips as far as they’ll go. “And if you’re a beast, then you’re exactly what I want. You’re what has been keeping me awake at night, wet and burning. Make it stop.”