We were not related in any way.
“And because of him, I’ve got to see this pain, every single day, Sian. I can’t stand it. I don’t want you to be hurting like this, and I think Heather would feel the same way.”
I tried to pull away at the mention of her name, but he held me firmly in his arms.
“No. You’re not going to fight me on this. You know I speak sense and the truth. Your best friend wouldn’t want you crying over her all the time. She’d want you to live your life, doing the things you wanted to do together. You’ve got to live for her now.” He cupped my cheek, tilting my head back, and I wondered if he was going to kiss me.
He didn’t.
None of them kissed me.
Did I want them to kiss me?
Was it important?
“Gideon, I’ve got to walk.”
“No, you need to face the fact she’s gone and she’s not coming back.”
“Fuck you.”
“No. Not fuck me. I’ve done this with you long enough. Ten months. I get that you’re hurting, and I want you to. I don’t want you to hide the pain, but you’re not living. I knew her enough to know she was willing to do anything for you, Sian. She loved you, was in love with you, but she wouldn’t want this. She’d want you to be happy.”
I hated him. I despised him, and his family, and even his friends, but, and this was a huge one, I had a horrible feeling he was right.
Heather wasn’t about holding a grudge. She had plans and wanted to live them. There were many times she’d tell me life was too short to hold a grudge, and it only made people more miserable to be around.
That, I couldn’t stand.
The last thing I wanted to do was for my best friend to be disappointed in me, but I also didn’t want Gideon to be the one to tell me all of this, either.
****
Gideon
Proof. That one word kept going around my head ever since my father had revealed they believed Coach Bilson was the one who attacked Fred. They didn’t have the proof, nor did The Society have any hard evidence. The game of cat and mouse had begun and with it, we had to sit back and wait. Fucking wait. Those were the orders given by our fathers that had come straight down from The Society. Without proof, they had nothing. Fred’s accusations had been squashed as well. They didn’t believe him because of all the injuries he sustained, so we were back to square one.
“She’s in bed, sleeping,” Dante said.
Sian hadn’t listened to me and had walked for a good three hours. I wished I knew what to say to make all this pain to go away, but nothing helped. She was in a dark, depressing place, and none of us were helping her out of it.
“You’re going to have to give her time, son,” Lucas, my dad, said.
I drank my glass full of scotch, enjoying the burn as it slid down my throat. It was okay for everyone to tell me to give it time, that she’d come around, but none of them knew the guilt.
I hadn’t been able to keep the promise I made to Sian, and that little fact alone was so fucked up. I couldn’t help her. I didn’t stop Heather’s death. I failed her. It was a bitter truth to swallow.
Standing up, I went to the drinks cabinet and poured myself another generous shot of whiskey.
It was the only thing keeping me warm at night.
I felt like the universe was laughing at me. At the end of Halloween night, I’d been so happy, so content. We’d all come together and were now joined. I thought nothing could go wrong, and yet it hadn’t been true. In a short space of time, I felt like I’d lost the only woman I’d ever wanted.
Sian had gotten under my skin and now there was no way to reach her. Every time she looked at me, I felt her judging me.
It didn’t fucking stop.
I kept expecting her to come right out and say it: You killed my best friend.
I took a deep breath and swigged my scotch. This was my fourth glass.
My father grabbed the glass out of my hand. “That is your limit.”
“Why do I have to have limits?” I asked.
“Do you think this is helping you to make the right decisions? It’s not. It’s messing with your head. You’re my son, buck the fuck up.”
“It’s easy for you to say. You’ve been living with your fuck-up for nineteen years.” I burst out laughing.
Other than my laughter, the silence in the room was somewhat deafening.
“Dude, not cool,” William said.
“What? Don’t you see history has a way of repeating itself? It looks like we’re the prime candidates.” I bent over, hand to stomach as I laughed. “I’m starting to think this is what The Society does. Picks out a girl that you rarely look at. You notice her but you don’t give her two thoughts, and then bam, you have no choice but to fuck her. She’s all part of the initiation process, and then once you’ve fallen for her, you’re going to do something that tears her from you. Break her a little bit so the person you once knew is a shell of who she was, and there is nothing you can do, even though you miss her. You had a small smidge of heaven with her, and then it is ripped from you. Is this what The Society does? Does it fuck with you like that?” I asked. My voice had gone from talking normally to yelling. “I don’t give a fuck if it makes me a man or not, but yeah, I fell for Sian. I fell for her hard.”
I hadn’t said the words because I just couldn’t. The moment I did, I felt like it was solidifying my pain and my future. I’d never be able to have Sian, nor would she belong to us.
I guessed I was well and truly fucked up. Most men couldn’t stand their woman being touched by another man, but I wanted to share her with my friends. Dante, William, and Mateo were the only ones I trusted with her.
“We all did,” William said.
In the last ten months, he’d lost all parts of his playfulness. Gone was the jokester. He was serious all the fucking time. I hated this.
“How did you let him get away with this?” I asked, turning toward my dad. “How could you not see what he was like?”
“None of us did, and we were given rules,” he said.
“Fuck the rules. Haven’t you seen how the rules play out? Joan is gone. He’s got her, and from what Sian tells us, he’s been hurting them for years.”
“Son, I suggest you step outside and take some air before I forget you’re my son.”
This made me laugh. “Your son I may be, but it’s with the wrong woman, right? Kind of a shock that you’ve got four daughters as well.”
The hit was expected. I wanted it. The blow to the face made it easier. The pain was a new focal point. I could think a little more clearly. I expected my dad to hit me again, but Harrison had stepped in and held him back.
Dante helped me to my feet, and within seconds, I was out in the garden. Blood came from my mouth, and I spat it on the ground.
“Get the fuck off me.” I shoved Dante off.
“So this is how it’s going to be? Are you trying to fuck everything up?” Dante asked.
“Why are we even talking with them?” I asked, whirling around. William and Mateo had joined us outside.
None of my friends looked happy. “What? You got shit you want to say to me?”
“This isn’t about you,” William said.