A disgrace to our father’s legacy.
Of course, Evan will feel all that, if he isn’t already. I suspect he is, which is why it’s taken so long for him to accept the truth. Hell, for me to accept the truth. I knew about the Olympics, I knew about our high school championships when he had the “flu,” and most of all, when the scouts would come, his bone spur in his foot would act up. He isn’t wrong that the only reason he made it was because of me. Everyone we met, I talked him up. I didn’t have to talk about myself; they saw my play. But not Evan’s. There was always something wrong when they were around, and he couldn’t play.
The pressure was too much.
And I feel awful for putting him in this position. For ignoring his issues and pushing him when, really, I needed to back off. He says he isn’t mad at me and doesn’t even blame me; he’s just thankful I’m supportive. But I can’t help but blame myself.
“Not really,” I say, taking a really long pull of my beer. Pretty sure if my mom knew I was drinking, she’d kick my ass. But thankfully, she won’t be here until tomorrow to help Evan move. It’ll be awesome to see her and be spoiled by her, but I wish she were coming for another reason. Not to take my brother away.
“I’m sorry, dude,” Dart says then, sighing. “It all sucks so bad.”
“Yeah, it does.” I shake my head, closing my eyes before dropping my head back. “I don’t want to deal with the media once this hits.”
“When will it?”
“Tomorrow morning.”
“Fuck.”
“Exactly. I told Evan to throw his phone in the back and not to touch it.”
“Is he doing the announcement?”
“No. They are worried it’ll be too overwhelming, so they’re just going to do a press release.”
“Which will send all the questions to you.”
I bite the inside of my cheek. “Yup.”
“Bro, I’m sorry.”
I shake my head. “I’m not. I deserve this, and I will fight for him.”
He cups my shoulder. “You’re a great brother—and friend.”
We aren’t touchy-feely, but I appreciate Dart’s sentiment. “Thanks, man.”
The sliding door opens then, and Evan comes out, looking exhausted. “Siblings are aware and all supportive. Shelli and Posey along with my parents are coming to pack me up. Quinn has some kind of test, so he’s staying back while the rest of them come.”
“That’s a lot of people for six boxes,” Dart teases, and Evan grins over him.
“Exactly. Our family is so over the top.”
“Hey, it’s awesome. I only have my mom and baby sister. I wish I had all those people to make a big deal over me.” Usually, Dart isn’t talkative about family stuff. I know he’s trying to be supportive of Evan, and I appreciate it. It’s not that they don’t get along, they do, but Dart and I are way closer. Evan is our homebody…well, he was. “Plus, I’m bummed your sisters aren’t single.”
I snort as Evan laughs. “You couldn’t handle our sisters.”
“Sure couldn’t. For one, you’re not rich enough for Shelli.”
Evan laughs louder. “Or strong enough for Posey. She’s rough.”
I nod. “And headstrong, which is why we love Boon so much.”
“You don’t like Shelli’s husband?”
“Oh yeah, but we grew up with Aiden and knew they’d end up together. Boon came out of nowhere. He’s a good dude,” I say, and Evan nods.
“That’s cool,” Dart says, stretching his legs. He checks his Apple Watch and then makes a face. “Shit, I gotta go. I got a date tonight.”
“Not with Amanda Fills, I hope,” I call to him, and he laughs as he reaches the door.
“No, but that reminds me. Audrina and Thatcher wanna have breakfast tomorrow before you head out,” he says to Evan, and my brother nods.
“Early, I guess, since we have morning skate.”
I look over at him. “You’re going?”
“Yeah, to say goodbye and clean out my locker.”
I feel like I just got hit in the gut. It’s all becoming super real, super fast.
Dart nods. “Cool, so we’ll plan for six? Normal spot?”
Evan nods. “For sure.”
Dart says bye and then heads out, typing away on his phone. Probably texting Audrina and Thatcher. I haven’t really been anywhere or talked to anyone since everything happened with Evan. I’ve been spending a lot of my time with him. He’s been going to games but not playing. It’s been really weird, but in a way, I think I’ve been playing better since I don’t have to worry about him on the ice. And that makes me feel even worse.
“Stop blaming yourself, O.”
I press my lips together and I almost yell at him for taking my beer, but I don’t. I watch as he takes a pull before handing it back to me. “Make sure to throw those beers in the outside trash before Mom gets here.”
I nod. “I know.”
He holds my gaze, and I’m overwhelmed by the relief in his eyes. He doesn’t look like he is drowning anymore. He looks free. “This is for the best.”
I swallow hard. “I’m just gonna miss the shit out of you.”
He leans his hip into me and slowly exhales a long, hard breath. “Yeah, this is going to be weird.”
“Really weird.”
“But you’ll be fine. Probably even better since I won’t be here to drag you down.”
I look up at him, annoyed. “You don’t drag me down, ever. Shut up.”
He shrugs. “You’ve always been the star, O. And you’re going to do bigger things now.”
I shake my head, hating that he thinks that way. “That’s bullshit.”
“It’s true,” he says in an almost whisper. I know it’s true, but I’d rather not think that way. I’d rather have my brother here with me. “I enrolled at Bellevue for the summer semester.”
“That’s awesome.”
“Yeah,” he says, but I feel like he knows it isn’t. Being in the NHL with me is awesome. Going back to school without me is boring. I won’t say that, though. This isn’t about what I would do. He has to do what’s best for his mental health.
I’d rather have my brother healthy.
“Don’t replace me with Dart,” he warns me then, and I jeer loudly. Probably a bit more dramatically than I need to.
“Never.”
He holds out his fist, and we do our handshake. We’ve been doing it since we were little. I don’t even have to try; muscle memory makes it easy. When Evan’s arm snakes around my neck, I close my eyes as he rests his head on mine. Since I’ve always been the tallest, he would do this when we were kids when I was sitting down. He said it was to show he was strong and could kill me at any time, but I knew it was just the way we hugged. I reach up, holding his wrist in my hand, and swallow hard.
And we stay like that for longer than we should, but I dare anyone to say something to us.
It’s our “See ya later.”
Chapter Five