Home > The Dom Identity(10)

The Dom Identity(10)
Author: Lexi Blake

It was right there on the tip of her tongue to tell him the truth. From what she’d read in the short bio she’d been given of Michael, he worked for an investigative firm. He might be able to help her.

Of course, if she did she would also be confiding in Julian Lodge and his husband, Finn. Julian was known for being good at hiding bodies. She couldn’t trust that he didn’t know damn well who’d done it and was protecting him.

She went with the easiest answer. “I want to explore my sexuality.”

He stared at her for a moment. “I don’t think so.”

She bit her bottom lip and wished she’d kept the bigger implants. Of course they’d been far too big for her body and painful in the end, which was why she’d moved to smaller ones, but those double Ds worked on most men. They distracted men, and then no one thought she could possibly lie since it was obvious she didn’t have a brain in her head. “Why wouldn’t I want to explore? Do you think a woman like me has probably explored enough?”

She was out of practice because the question came out with an edge of irritation to it she hadn’t meant. Well, she hadn’t meant to share it with him. She’d certainly felt it.

“I don’t think anyone’s explored enough. I meant I doubt you’re truly here because you want to have sex. You’re beautiful. You could find a partner. You hesitated before you said the word contract because you find it unsavory. And despite the fact that you looked at me like you could eat me up, you’re more comfortable with me sitting on the other side of the room. So why don’t you tell me why you’re really here.”

She wanted to tell him to fuck off and walk away because she didn’t like the way he was making her feel.

Though she had to allow that the words hadn’t been said unkindly. He’d stated what he’d seen as fact after he’d told her he intended to be forthright with her. Finn and Dani had warned her this was a lifestyle that was all about truth, but she’d thought they were saying that like any lifestyle guru would.

“I want to understand my sister.”

He was quiet for a moment. “Nicki Jones?”

“Did you know her?” She’d been told they were bringing in someone for her, someone who hadn’t spent a lot of time in The Club but was up for membership now and needed to prove himself to Julian Lodge.

He shook his head. “No, but I have some friends who play here, and they talked about Nicki. I’m not a member of this club yet, but I work for a company that has ties to Lodge Corp. We intermingle quite a bit.”

So she couldn’t trust him. She’d known that, but it was good to be reminded that this was a small world, and she didn’t have a place in it. Every person in this club would be wealthy or attached to someone wealthy. They were the elite of the elite, and they would protect their own.

Now that she thought about it, she wondered about Michael himself. Everything about him screamed money and power, but he worked for a security firm?

Or he had one good suit and he wanted to look his best. If she’d managed to keep any of her old clothes, wouldn’t she have worn them today? Clothes could be armor.

A bit of truth wouldn’t hurt, and now she understood what she was about to say was the truth. “Nicki talked about this place and how much it helped her. I want to understand. I want to feel close to my sister.”

A sympathetic look crossed his face. “All right. I can ask Julian to make some appointments for you. He knows who her friends were. You could talk to them.”

Her stomach knotted. That wouldn’t help because the man she was looking for had been new to The Club. Nicki hadn’t been friends with him. “I don’t need that. I need to be where she was, to know what she did. She said she found herself here, and I guess I feel lost.”

“Vanessa, this is about sex and pleasure. It can be a form of therapy for some people, but it doesn’t replace it.”

Great. Now the gorgeous man thought she was insane. “That isn’t what I meant.”

“Then maybe you should tell me what you mean. Why don’t I begin? I’ll tell you why I started in D/s.” He continued when she nodded his way. “I was in the military, and when I eventually moved to the private sector, I did so with several members of my former team. We got jobs with a company two of my friends’ brother runs, and he has a club somewhat similar to this one, though it has a less confusing name.”

Oh, he had a nice sense of humor. It made him all the more dangerous. “Yeah, it took me a while to realize the name of this club is The Club. I thought it was just what people called it. Like I’m going to the store.”

His lips kicked up in a heartbreaking grin. “Yeah, my boss would say Julian’s so arrogant he couldn’t have imagined anyone else starting a club. I think he likes to throw people off. Anyway, one of the perks of working for McKay-Taggart is membership at Sanctum.”

She could bet how this story went. “Your friends were all going, so you thought you would give it a try, too?”

“Pretty much. I took the training class, and it changed the way I think about sex and my body. I know I’m a guy and not supposed to think about my body beyond making it as strong as possible, but I didn’t realize I could have a relationship with it. I would have made fun of anyone who put it like that, but it’s true. I respect my body for what it is, for the scars I have, the age that shows on it. I respect it because it not only houses my soul, but it can bring comfort and pleasure to others. I learned a lot about my sexuality, things I wouldn’t have known about myself if I hadn’t explored the lifestyle.”

She wondered what he’d learned. Her own sexuality was marked by so many outside forces. Her relationship with her body? Pretty much ruined by years and years of people on social media nit-picking every inch of her. She’d been accused of using her body to get everything from a role in a film to money and fame. She was considered a whore by a lot of people out there, and yet she’d never enjoyed sex. Did a whore have to? Or was her body nothing more than a tool she traded for survival?

“Vanessa, if you don’t want to do this, you don’t have to,” he said softly, as though he was worried about scaring her.

Maybe she needed more honesty with him. Maybe she could do what she needed to do and get something out of this for herself, too. “I’ve never enjoyed sex, and I pretty much hate my body.”

“You’re beautiful. Why would you hate your body?” Michael asked.

“Because I’ve been told to, I guess. I worked in an industry that judged me entirely by my looks.” She was surprised he hadn’t mentioned her former career. For the most part with her more natural hair and in sedate clothes, she could pass someone on the street without comment. Especially when she wore sunglasses. But her eyes always gave her away. They were a vibrant Caribbean blue that most people assumed were contacts. They were a trick of her DNA. It had been her eyes that got her an agent and her first role, and they were the only things about her no one wanted to change.

Sometimes she wore contacts to cover them so she could blend in better, but not today.

“What industry did you work in? Were you a model of some kind?” Michael asked.

She stopped, searching his face, but she didn’t see anything there that would lead her to believe he was deceiving her. “I was an actress for a long time.”

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