Her words were like a punch to the gut. There was zero chance she was taking those kids away from me, and I’d use every resource available to me to stop her.
“Over my dead body.” I folded my arms across my chest.
She fixed me with another icy stare, but it wasn’t cute or hot this time. These kids had been left to me just as much as they had her, and I wasn’t giving them up. “Surely you’re joking,” she said finally.
“Not even a little. They wanted us to raise them, not you or me individually.”
“No, they wanted us to decide which of us would be best suited to raise them, and quite frankly, that’s me.”
“Why? Because you have breasts and a vagina?”
She flushed. “No, because you work crazy hours and travel.”
“From what I’ve heard, you work eighteen-hour days during Fashion Week and all kinds of other big events, you travel all over the world doing photo shoots and whatever, and Lauren even said once that you work more hours than Ben and she worried about you.”
“I’m single and on the verge of big things with my career,” she snapped. “So yeah, I work hard. But now I’ve got the responsibility of these kids so things have to change.”
“Yeah, you have to find a way to settle down here in St. Louis.”
She blew out a breath. “Wes, how can we possibly do this together?”
“I don’t know, but we have to try because this isn’t negotiable. I’m not giving them up.”
“Well, neither am I.” She lifted her chin a notch.
Her chest was rising and falling a little fast and I couldn’t help but notice that she had a spectacular rack. She’d always been such a freakin’ pain in my ass over the years, I’d never even bothered to look most of the time. It was hard not to now that we were living in the same house together, though, and I figured the view was a nice reward for all the ballbusting I put up with from her.
“Wes, I haven’t slept more than three hours at a time in five days. I’m tired, stressed, and still grieving. Maybe we should put this conversation on hold for a while. I just don’t have it in me to bicker with you right now.”
“Okay.” I quirked a smile at her. “I’m really not a bad guy, Hadley.”
She turned to me with wide hazel eyes, something inscrutable lurking behind them. “I never knew anything could hurt this much.”
There went all the wind in my sails.
I nodded, absently running a hand through my short hair. “Me either.”
“Let’s try not to fight in front of the kids, okay? Mostly Annalise, because she hears everything.”
“Deal.”
She paused, cocking her head a little so that the sunlight coming in from outside glinted on her dark hair, giving it an auburn glow and making me imagine what it would feel like to run my fingers through it.
“You, uh, think a nanny’s a good idea?”
“I do. Someone who can help out during the day and occasionally on weekends so we can both work. I have practices, workouts, team meetings, and of course games, and depending on how many hours you work, you can’t do your thing all day and then take on every detail of running the house too.”
Hadley looked thoughtful. “Is there money for that?”
“There’s plenty of money. The house is paid for, and I’ll take over paying utilities and such. That way, most of the money goes into trusts for the kids.”
She nodded. “I don’t make nearly what you do, of course, but I do okay so—”
“No, I’ve got this, Hadley. You’re taking on a big portion of the responsibility when I have to travel, so let me handle the bills. Including the nanny. That makes all of our lives easier, you know?”
“Okay.” She slowly nodded. “That’s reasonable. How about we give this new situation a couple of months and revisit this conversation again then?”
“Sure.”
“But there have to be some ground rules.”
I groaned.
“No bimbos in the house. No puck bunnies, prostitutes, whatever—”
“Prostitutes?!” I narrowed my eyes at her. “Jesus fucking Christ, what kind of asshole do you think I am? First of all, I have never had to pay for sex in my life, thank you very much. And second, I fucking love these kids! You think I’d bring someone like that to the home where we all live?” I got to my feet, glaring at her. “Well, I have news for you, lady—that’s some bullshit right there. You don’t have to like me, but don’t you ever accuse me of doing something that might negatively impact these kids!” I was hot, and not in a good way.
“Wes, I’m sorry. I—” She was still talking, but I raised a hand to stop her as I stalked from the room. A minute later, I slammed the door to the garage behind me. I needed to cool off before I said something I’d regret.
She still pissed me right off, regularly, and it never got easier to deal with her.
I stood in the garage, resting my hands on the now empty work bench Ben had used to work on little projects when he had time. And that’s when the envelope caught my eye. I’d stashed the letter Ben had left me there until I was ready to read it, and if there was ever a time, it was now.
Plucking it from the table, I ripped open the envelope and slowly unfolded the paper. This was going to hurt, but I had to get it over with. I needed my best friend more than I ever had in my life and this was essentially the last time I’d ever talk to him. Even if it was a one-sided conversation.
* * *
Dear Wes,
If you’re reading this, I’m dead, and so is Lauren. It’s hard as hell to even think about that happening, but at least she and I are together.
I know we shocked you by leaving Annalise (and more kids, if we have them) to you and Hadley. Lauren and I went back and forth a lot over whether we should ask you guys, or choose just one of you, but this is the only thing that feels right to us.
Do your best. You think your best isn’t good enough, but it is. I know this is asking a lot of you, and maybe you’ll decide our kids need to be with Hadley. If you do, I know it’ll be the right decision. Just stay in their lives forever. Help them, or Annalise if it’s just her, know who their dad was. Teach them how to play hockey, and how to throw a punch. Help them be happy, if you can. Walk my daughter down the aisle someday.
You’re the brother I never had. I know who you really are, and that’s why I know this decision is right. I want you to have a good life. Do all the things I won’t be able to. Thanks for being my wingman. I love you.
Ben
* * *
For the first time since the night of the accident, I sobbed.
Chapter Six
Hadley
I could be too much sometimes. Several men I’d been in relationships with had said that about me. Too skeptical, too direct and too suspicious. If there were a Hadley Ellis relationship exit interview, those would be the top three reasons men cited for either breaking up with me or being at least a little relieved when I ended things with them.
The qualities that made me a less than ideal girlfriend in men’s eyes, though, had helped me climb the corporate ladder at Willow quickly. Since starting as an entry-level writer fresh out of college seven years ago, I’d gotten several promotions and was now an associate editor.