I’m used to horrible language. I grew up with it. Patricia wasn’t a great mother, she was terrible. She did the exact same thing to me that she did to my dad, Bullseye. Faith’s father, Killian and I were used for other people’s benefit. Recorded for the benefit of sick, twisted men—but I loved him.
I loved him the way I knew how. It’s so hard being without him when he was all I knew. I didn’t want to raise Faith alone, but I saw my chance to live, to survive, to get out, and I had to take it. Killian made me. He killed Patricia so I could leave, but I lost him in the process.
I’ve grieved and it still hurts, but I have to stay strong for Faith. I don’t want Dad to see me sad either. He’s been through too much to think I’m not okay. He may be the best dad and grandpa in the world, but that doesn’t mean I don’t miss having a partner, a lover, someone to hold me when things get hard.
Badge comes to mind, but I don’t know why. He isn’t exactly pleasant, even if he is amazing with children. He says he doesn’t like them, but that’s kind of hard to believe when I witness him around them. It doesn’t help that he makes my ovaries explode, which is the absolute last thing I want considering I just had a baby, but damn, he is one good-looking man.
He’s tall, broad, and mature, much older than me. His hair has grown out since I’ve been here, and he has a head full of brown luscious strands. I can’t believe that they don’t have a bit of salt through them. He is muscular too, which makes sense since someone said he used to be a cop. But something happened, and Reaper made him choose the club or the force.
I don’t agree with that, but I hope Badge finds something that makes him a little less grouchy to be around.
A scratch sounds at the door and I know who it is before I even open it.
Yeti.
He loves the babies, and he makes his rounds every morning. The dogs seem to take turns with who they spend the night with too. Yeti, Tyrant, and Chaos all like to protect us which I think is really cute. I gather Faith in my arms and head to the door, opening it wide.
Yeti flies through, his nose against the ground and his tail wagging.
“She’s okay,” I tell him like I do every morning. I squat and place her at his level, she’s still sound asleep. I don’t know what Badge did, but he worked magic last night. I haven’t slept that well since Faith was born and I know she hasn’t either.
His cold nose presses against her cheek and her eyes flutter open. She makes a high−pitched noise and Yeti responds by licking her cheek before running out and checking on Hendrix, Sarah and Reaper’s little girl.
I gather the sling and place it around my shoulder, then gently place Faith inside and head to the kitchen to have a cup of coffee. I wasn’t drinking coffee before since I was breastfeeding, but if I’m not producing enough then, it might be time to start the caffeine back. I don’t want to stop breastfeeding.
The thought has tears stinging my eyes.
I don’t feel like a good mom if I can’t give what my baby needs. I’m supposed to be able to. It’s natural. Why can’t I produce what she needs now?
“Ugh, I’m a fucking whale.”
I turn around to see Mary pull out a chair and squat in order to sit. Her stomach is very round and big. The poor girl is tiny and must be so uncomfortable.
“You’re beautiful. Don’t say that about yourself,” I tsk at her.
She rubs her hands over her rotund belly, slightly reminding me of Santa, and lets out a breath. “Why is he taking so long? He’s a week late.”
“He isn’t a week late, Hellraiser. He is right on schedule.” Knives comes into the kitchen, pressing a kiss to the top of her head.
“Yeah, you wouldn’t say that if you were walking around with a fucking watermelon in you. He’s late, damn it!” Mary tries to get up out of the chair to walk away because she’s angry, but she can’t. “Help me,” she whines.
With a big smile on his face, Knives takes her hands and lifts her up. Mary has her hands on her lower back and shoves him away to wobble down the hall.
“Why are you smiling? She’s mad at you.”
“It’s kinda cute that she can’t get up without me. I love it.”
Mary yells something back at him—I can’t quite make it out, but it sure is angry.
Knives follows behind her and I hear him yell, “Aw, come on, Hellraiser. You know I think you’re so damn beautiful. I love you.”
After a few seconds of silence, I hear a giggle and I shake my head, smiling around the rim of my coffee mug. I stare down at Faith, who is smiling up at me. “They are crazy, aren’t they?” I coo at her and tickle under her chin. I look down the dark hallway and wonder if Badge is still here. I owe him a lot after what he did last night. Maybe I can take him to brunch or… not. He’d probably say no.
Maybe I’ll buy him a beer. Men like beer, right?
I’ve been making my own money since I’ve been at the clubhouse. Not that I can do much, considering I spent my entire life locked in a house, but Dad has helped me. I work from home for Kings’ Club, Tool and Juliette’s business. I help with organizing their receipts and paperwork. It’s not much, but I’ve learned a lot. It feels great that someone would give me a chance since I don’t have any experience.
I’m so glad I found this place and found my dad. It’s been life-changing.
“Why is my little girl crying?”
Speaking of the Devil.
Bullseye walks in with Ruby by his side, followed by Dawn and Skirt.
It doesn’t take much to realize what all of them were doing. They have an agreement and a room all for themselves.
“Hey.” Dad lifts my chin with his finger, and I’m left looking into his eyes. “Talk to me.”
“I’m okay. They are happy tears. I’m happy. And I’m so glad I found you.”
“Oh, me too, Hope. Me too.” He gathers me in a hug, careful to leave space between us so he doesn’t squish Faith. He pulls away and takes the sling with him, drapes it around his shoulder and officially steals my baby. “How is my favorite granddaughter? How is my girl?”
“Shite, Bullseye. Every time ye say granddaughter, I get a shock to my system. You aren’t old enough to be a grandpa,” Skirt’s Scottish accent trickles through as he leans back in the chair. “Think there’s any pie?”
“Sarah always makes you your pie.” Dawn rolls her eyes and starts walking to the fridge. “But I’ll check.”
“Aw, yer me best girl, Dawn.”
“Oh, I know,” she chuckles.
“Did she sleep okay? Did you? You seem a little tired. I can watch her today if you want,” Dad offers, peering down at Faith with hearts in his eyes.
I missed out on growing up with the best dad in the world.
“Well, kind of. She was really fussy and it woke up Badge—”
Dad’s eyes harden. “Did he give you trouble because of her? Why don’t you come live with me and Ruby in the cabin? There’s plenty of room and you know I’d love to have you there.”
“Dad, I love the offer. Thank you, but it’s important for everyone to have their own space. I wouldn’t mind a cabin next to you though,” I add, dropping a hint. “And no, Badge actually helped out a lot.”