Home > Badge(6)

Badge(6)
Author: K.L. Savage

That makes me toss my head back and laugh. I haven’t seen a face like that in ages.

When was the last time I laughed? I don’t even know.

I stand up and in three strides I lay her on the changing table and unclip her onesie that says, ‘I’m the prettiest girl in the world.’

“Yeah, you’re alright,” I smirk. She’s fucking adorable, but I’ll never admit that out loud. If I do, then that’s like saying my little Amber wasn’t the prettiest girl in the world, and that’s just not true.

I get a new diaper, wipes, power, and get to work while Hope fixes a bottle. I’m starting to think this stinker is just a gas ball with an upset tummy. My brows hit my hairline when I see the amount of… goo.

And it’s green.

“I know your mom can’t wait until you wipe your own ass, because this is nasty.”

Faith giggles, kicking her legs in the air.

“Yeah, you think it’s funny because you don’t have to clean it up right now, but let me tell you something, you can’t be doing this when your older, because what if you’re in public? And there isn’t a bathroom around? I’m telling you, you’re going to wish you had a diaper or you’re left shitting your pants in front of a crowd. I’m not talking from experience.” I toss the dirty diaper in the trashcan next to the changing table, wipe her and get her clean, then toss that.

She giggles again.

“Don’t laugh at me. I prefer not to talk about that time in my life.” I twist the cap of the baby powder and wince when I accidentally cover her entire bottom half with it. “Oops.”

She kicks and smiles.

“Well, that’s what you get for making fun of me. You get to look like a powdered donut.” I lift her legs and shove the diaper under her butt, then hook the tabs together. “There. You’re good as new and you don’t smell. It’s a win-win.” I make sure to wipe off the baby power from her legs and stomach, then place her on my chest again and sit in the rocker.

“I’m sorry it took so long. I tried to pump too but nothing is coming out. You might be right—” She stops mid-step when she sees us. “She isn’t crying. What did you do?” Hope asks with excitement.

“Ah, nothing. We talked. She burped, then shit—” I see Hope flinch at my words, but I’m trying to make sure not to give her a reason to like me.

I’m not likable.

“And now we are waiting for a bottle cause she’s still antsy.” I hold out my hand and Hope hands me the warm milk. I eye her shirt, still wet, and jut my chin to the bathroom. “Go change. I have her. I don’t mind. And don’t ask if I’m sure.” I stop her before she can. “Or I’ll just hand her over and go to fucking bed.”

“Will you not curse around her, please?”

“No. She’s in a biker club and she’s too young to know what I’m saying.”

Hope scoffs and opens the drawer to grab a shirt. “You’re stuck in your ways,” she mumbles.

“Yep,” I agree with her.

I’m really not. I just want everyone to hate me because I deserve to be hated.

I rub the nipple across Faith’s lips and a second later she latches on, sucking the milk down like a champ. “Yeah, I bet you are hungry after that mess. I can’t wait until you’re older. I’m gonna tease you for this moment so much and embarrass you. Oh, yeah. It’s happening.” While she eats, I relax against the chair and rock.

My eyes catch the mirror leaning against the wall where I can see Hope’s reflection as she changes.

I look away, but my eyes come back like the bad person that I am. Her blonde hair cascades down her back, falling out of the bun she had going on. Damn, she’s pretty. I can’t get over how Bullseye can have a daughter as gorgeous as Hope.

It’s mind-blowing.

Her hair is light blonde, darker at the root, and has small natural waves. She gathers her hair again and places it on top of her head, a few pieces loose and hanging down. Her back looks soft and flawless and the dip of her waist is a gorgeous curve, her hips so wide and thick I can imagine gripping them and—

“—And nothing.” I blink and stare down at the near-empty bottle. I throw a burp rag over my shoulder and pat her back again. It isn’t long before she’s puking up milky spit. I clean her off and lie her down in the crib then turn on her mobile. It has little stars hanging from it, which sends a pang straight to my heart. An image of Amber’s door flashes through my mind and I press my hand against Faith’s chest.

I breathe a sigh of relief when I feel the tiny heartbeat at work. “You’ll be okay, stinker. You’ll be fine.” I turn away and take my hand off her, missing Amber so much I feel the need to run away and start my life all over again.

I don’t think I can be around all these kids. I don’t have it in me.

As much as I hate them.

I love them.

“Wow, you’re a natural.” Hope comes from the bathroom wearing skintight leggings showcasing her gorgeous, thick thighs that brush together.

She’s wearing a crop top now, proudly showing off her stomach—which she should, since she’s the sexiest damn woman I’ve laid eyes on in a very long time. She’s got a few stretch marks too, from carrying Faith, which only adds to the sex appeal.

What’s better than a woman’s body changing for the biggest, best change of their life?

I want to kiss every mark and hope my touch drives her wild.

“It’s nothing,” I grunt and head to the door. “Maybe next time try burping her. And she liked the bottle. Nothing against your tits. I’m sure they are just tired of working and being gnawed on to death.”

Hope tries not to crack a smile, but I turn around and walk away, giving her my back. “Thank you, Badge. For helping. I was very overwhelmed. I guess I didn’t burp her hard enough. I’m always so afraid to hurt her.”

I stop for a second. Most people would say something like, “Ah, babies are stronger than they look.”

But they aren’t.

They are weak.

“You should be afraid,” I mutter instead.

Her eyes ignite with a million questions.

I leave before she gets the nerve to ask one and head back to my room. I close my door, lean my back against it, and press my palms against my eyes as they begin to burn. I can’t do that again. I can’t help Hope. It threatens everything I’ve built within myself. In two strides, I’m by my bed and I sit down, the mattress dipping from my weight.

With shaking hands, I open the drawer to the nightstand and reach inside to grab the book I read to Amber. It’s in pristine condition, the edges a bit worn, but it has only been opened a handful of times.

I open the book and a picture of us stares me in the face. We’re in the hospital and I’m holding her for the first time.

A tear drips from my cheek and hits the page. I press the book to my chest and lie down on the bed, close my eyes and dream about the life I would have had if I hadn’t lost her.

That’s the life I want.

That’s the life I need.

 

 

Badge is kind of like an ogre. He’s got a lot of layers. He’s grumpy and mean sometimes, but he never really means it. I also think that every time someone gets a little too close, he figures out a way to add another layer. He’s in protective mode. But that still isn’t an excuse for the fact that he is a grumpy asshole. And he is so crass.

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