Unable to blink, I see the moment the anger flees and concern replaces it. She closes the door and links her fingers with mine, pulling me gently across the room and depositing me on the couch. I don’t know how long she’s gone before she’s back by my side, pressing a glass of water against my lips.
“Take a sip,” she says in a hushed tone I’m not sure I’ve ever heard from her. “We’re going to come up with a plan. This feels like a blow and you have every right to feel everything that you are feeling. But I promise you, when this is over, Ben is going to regret it. These papers are irrelevant. You are the strongest, smartest, kindest person I know. This is going to backfire on him, Lauren.”
I take the glass from her with trembling hands. Letting her words penetrate the panic clouding my mind, I cautiously allow hope back in. “Do you really think so?”
Jude jokes a lot. She is goofy and silly and almost always hides her emotions behind sarcasm and jokes.
This is not one of those times.
“I fucking know so.”
For some reason, the sincerity behind those words coming from the one person in this world I’ve always been able to count on allows my lungs to fully expand for the first time since that envelope was placed in my palm.
“Mommy!” Adelaide’s impatient shout from the top of the stairs filters into the living room. “What’s taking so long? I’m ready for my bath bomb!”
I lean back against the couch with my hands on the top of my head, the way my coach instructed me to all those years ago. I focus on the brass light fixture hanging from the dated ceilings and take deep, measured breaths, letting Jude’s words play on a loop in my head. I try to anchor myself to what matters most right here and now: Adelaide is with me. I’m her mom. Ben can’t change that.
Jude’s right. These papers don’t matter.
All that matters is Adelaide . . . and her bath bomb.
“Let me do it.” Jude pushes off the couch. “I’ll give Addy her bath and you just chill down here with a glass of wine.”
“I love you so much for offering, but I need to do this.” I stand and pull her into a quick hug. “Thank you for talking me down, but if anything is going to keep my head together, it’s Adelaide.”
“All right, well, I’m down here if you need me.”
“Thank you.” I squeeze her hand in mine. “And we’ll finish our conversation from earlier when Adelaide goes to sleep, okay?”
Jude waves a dismissive hand in front of her face. “No, it’s not a big deal at all. Don’t worry about me. Right now, we’re going to figure out a way to bring Ben down to his pathetic fucking knees. The fucking scumbag. I didn’t think I could hate him any more than I already did, but he showed me.”
“You’re the best.” I seriously love her so much. I hate that this happened, but I’m so grateful she was the person with me when it did. “And you’re right, Ben just woke up the sleeping giant, and he’s going to regret it.”
“Yes!” Jude gives me a high five. “I fucking love feisty Lauren!”
I love feisty Lauren too. And it’s been too long since I’ve seen her.
As I make my way across the small living room and up the stairs to my perfect little girl, who I took care of and loved while Ben was off doing whatever the fuck Ben wanted to do, I remind myself that this isn’t a surprise. I knew this was coming and I know Ben.
But Ben doesn’t know me.
Not anymore.
And the only one of us who is about to be surprised is him. The timid, weak woman who was afraid to cause waves is long gone. I’m a fighter and there is nothing I will fight harder for than my daughter.
So yeah, he’s going to fucking learn. Lauren Turner is not going to roll over for him.
Not this time.
NINE
• • •
Lauren
Every time I pull into the driveway at my parents’ house, it’s hard to remember that for the majority of my life, seeing the bright red door, perfectly manicured hedges, and white siding brought me comfort.
This house is where I skinned my knees and cried until my mom put on a Band-Aid I probably didn’t need. I blew out the birthday candles on the homemade birthday cakes my dad insisted on making me every year. I had my first-ever sleepover with Jude. I took pictures on the first day of school and before dances.
But now, it’s also the place where I told my parents I was pregnant and my mom stormed away, slamming the door so hard, one of her precious black porcelain figurines shattered across the spotless floors. It’s where I came to tell them I was dropping out of med school so Ben could focus on his career. It’s where I came crawling back after Ben and I broke up and Adelaide and I had nowhere else to go.
It’s been three days since I got the custody papers from Ben. And now it’s where I’ll go to try to keep my daughter.
Proving, once again, what a giant disappointment I am.
“Nana!” Adelaide nearly comes out of her skin when she sees my mom’s head poke through the curtains. “Hurry, Mom! I have to show her my new dance! Nana loves my dances, Auntie Jude.”
“I’m glad something brings her joy.” Jude flinches when I pinch the back of her arm. “I mean, of course she does!” The extra pep in her voice is a little much, but I’ll take it. “Everyone loves your dances.”
“Better,” I mumble before unbuckling my seat belt and opening my door to go free Adelaide of her five-point harness.
This time when I open the back door, Adelaide has both shoes on and the top buckle of her car seat unsnapped. “Is Papa home too? I made him a song.”
I don’t have any proof, but I’m pretty sure I’m the least creative person in the entire world. I aced all my math and science classes growing up, but art? I struggled . . . hard. And art tutors aren’t a thing, my mom checked. So how I got this child who is rainbows, glitter, and show tunes is beyond me.
“Yup, he’s here too. You’re going to play with him while Mommy, Auntie Jude, and Nana have a quick meeting, okay?” I push the bottom button of her car seat, which might as well be a launch button with how fast she jumps out.
“Okay, Mommy!” she shouts over her shoulder as she rushes up the walkway to the porch, where my mom is now waiting for her. Her little body barrels into my mom, wrapping her little arms around her legs. “Nana! I missed you! Wanna see my dance?”
“My sweet girl.” My mom peels Adelaide’s arms from her legs and lifts her up. The severe angles always apparent on my mom’s beautiful face soften, and laughter makes her harsh voice almost sound gentle and melodic. “I have to talk with your mom, but as soon as we’re done, I’d love to see your dance. Anyway, Papa’s got a surprise for you in the backyard.”