And damn it, I needed another beer.
I hadn’t drunk nearly enough to be hungover, but I kind of felt like I had. I wasn’t sick to my stomach. My head didn’t hurt all that much. I just… felt like shit. Like I was waking up the morning after a night I’d be regretting for a while.
Except that didn’t make sense. I hadn’t done a damned thing aside from hang out with my teammates, throw a few darts, and have a few drinks. And maybe that was the problem.
An evening with the team had been fun, but it wasn’t what I needed. These were the same guys I was with throughout the season, and I couldn’t exactly ask one of them to curl up on the couch with me. I needed to touch someone. I needed to be touched. Shooting the shit over beer and darts was just not cutting it.
Lying in my bed, I stared up at the ceiling, and like it had without fail for the last couple of weeks, my mind went back to that beautiful escort who’d been here all too briefly. It was getting harder and harder to justify sending him out the door.
So the hell what if he was in it for the money? I played hockey for money, but I still loved the damn sport. I still had a great time out on the ice. And Luca hadn’t exactly been giving off a vibe that he was just going through the motions. In fact, I’d kind of envisioned sex with an escort to be detached and mechanical, but what little we’d done had been… not detached or mechanical. For all I knew, he’d been thinking about someone else the entire time, and the more I thought about it, who cared if he was? Hadn’t I been with guys who were probably imagining someone else in my place? Or just saw me as a hole for their dick? Hell, there’d been times when I’d been the one fantasizing about someone else just to stay hard. I didn’t expect sex to be some magical or emotional thing, and I had no problem with casual sex or even anonymous hookups.
What was so terrible about paying for sex when getting it for free didn’t mean it would be meaningful or honest or even warm? At the end of the night, I’d feel less alone and he’d have more money. Everybody won. What was my problem?
Fuck it. I wanted him. I wanted everything he offered, and I didn’t care how much it cost.
So I grabbed by phone off the nightstand, opened the Emerald City app, and hoped Luca was willing to try this again.
Chapter 6
Luca
Was this class always a snorefest? Or was I just short on sleep?
Ugh. Whatever. All I knew was that summer term had just started, and my 9:00 am class might as well be called Ambien 101. I either needed to schedule classes later in the day, or I needed to get more sleep.
Right. Because that was going to happen. Even with the chunk of cash from my night with Ethan, there were still bills looming. I still needed more money. The only way I was going to start regularly getting good sleep was when someone sang me a lullaby called Luca, you’re not in debt anymore.
Maybe if I lowered my damn prices so I started getting bookings again.
I groaned at the thought and continued toward the parking lot. I’d go home, nap for a little while, and then drive this afternoon and this evening. It wouldn’t be much money, but it would be something. Maybe even enough to buy something to eat while I was filling up my tank after giving rides for a few hours.
Exhausted, demoralized, and so ready to go back to bed, I tossed my books in the passenger seat and headed home. Traffic was a bear because this was Seattle. Some guy in front of me was having an utter conniption, throwing up his hands and yelling at all the other cars, and I let that entertain me for a mile or so as we crawled up I-5. Like, bro, you’re driving in Seattle during daylight hours. Wherever you’re headed, you’ll get there when you get there. Isn’t like anyone else can go any faster or get out of your way.
I mean, I could relate. I’d had some hardcore road rage when I was younger. It was actually Cole who’d talked me out of that.
“Here’s the thing,” he’d told me as smoke had started curling out of my ears while we’d inched through post-Seahawks traffic one night. “I can have any reaction I want to, but it’s not going to change the outcome. So, I can either get myself worked up and stressed out and be pissed off when I get to where I’m going, or I can just chill, listen to the radio, and go with the flow. Literally the only thing that changes is my blood pressure.”
I hadn’t been able to argue with that. I’d tried, mostly because I’d been incensed at the audacity of so many dumbasses congregating on I-5 for National Forget How To Fucking Drive Day, but when I’d thought about it later, I’d realized he was right.
Ever since, I’d adopted his approach, and what do you know? I felt a lot better.
The only drawback was that instead of yelling “It’s the little pedal on the right, you fucker!” or “Oh my God, did you order your driver’s license from an infomercial?”, I had tons of time to think about everything else in my world. Like school. And money. And lack of money.
I groaned. Fuck, fuck, fuck. I really needed to ask Anita to bring me back down to fourth tier. Or even third tier. I’d made a hell of a lot more when I’d still been third tier. Fifth tier wasn’t working, though. That much was obvious.
I’d figure it out. For now—go home and sleep.
When I finally made it to the house, most of my roommates were at work or school, so the place wasn’t as crowded as it would be in the evening. I even scored a parking space in the driveway for once.
With my backpack on my shoulder, I let myself in. There were voices upstairs, and I quickly recognized Cole’s. As I reached the top of the stairs, I realized he was in the living room with his ex, Bryce.
They were dressed down in sweats and old T-shirts, but they were both hot enough to look good in anything. Like, they’d literally met on a shoot while they were both trying to make it as models. They were gorgeous. Cole was white, tall, and had one of those almost-six-packs that would stand out like whoa if he dehydrated himself before a photo shoot. He had that pretty-boy dirty-blond look with full, pouty lips and brown eyes to die for.
Bryce was Black, built broader than Cole, and he’d made me almost forget how to speak the first time Cole had brought him home. The dude was just… fuck. Especially when he smiled that mischievous lop-sided smile. He was shy, which was an odd contrast to his gregarious ex, and even though we hadn’t really talked much, he’d always struck me as sweet. I’d been sad when they’d split up because it meant Bryce wasn’t here as much, but I was glad to see he hadn’t disappeared completely.
“Oh, hey.” I smiled at him. “Haven’t seen you in a while. How’ve you been?”
“Good, man.” Bryce smiled back. God, he was cute. “You?”
“I’m doing.”
We made a little more small talk, but I didn’t stay long. Not with that siren’s call of a nap pulling me down the hallway.
In my bedroom, I dropped my books on my desk chair and lay back on my bed with a heavy sigh. I could still hear Cole and Bryce laughing and talking from here. Part of me kind of wanted to see if they’d mind me hanging out with them. Mostly, though, I didn’t have the energy. I wouldn’t have minded the company, but I didn’t know how good my company would be.