“Can it be fixed? You and Hudson? I’m sure there’s a reason he hid what he did, but I also think he likes you.” After a moment, she asked, “Did he do it to hurt you?”
Intentionally? No, he wasn’t evil. Did it matter? The result was the same.
“I don’t know if I can trust him again. I don’t know if I can trust any of them to be honest.”
And without honesty and trust… what in the hell did we have left?
4
Hudson
“I told you!”
I could count on one hand the number of times I’d raised my voice to Dad and today covered all of them. “I told you, damn it. I told you this would blow up.”
Dad, wrecked and shaken with a pale hue to his coloring, looked as hurt as the pain slashing through me, the fear that started since that damn second I woke and found Lilly gone from bed. The pain that only increased when I saw her in my living room.
Staring at Melissa.
My sister and her savior and I knew…I fucking knew this would happen and she’d freak the hell out and shut us out before letting me explain. I predicted that moment I went through this morning before the first damn time I ever stepped through those doors of Judith’s which now felt like years and not weeks ago.
“Son—” Dad said and cleared his throat behind his fist. “We’ll fix it.”
“How?” I spun on his living room floor and threw my hands to my hips. I was still dressed in my pajamas.
After Lilly ran out of my apartment, almost tripping over her feet and falling on her ass on the way out, I threw Melissa’s photograph against the wall, shattering the glass into a thousand jagged pieces and leaving a dent in my wall.
Which was pretty damn perfect, considering that was exactly how I felt. Jagged, broken, shattered, and dented.
I’d paced. Gave her an hour before hoping like hell she’d answer the door and at least give me a chance to explain. No such fucking luck today.
Which was why after I stood outside her door, pounding on it for a good ten minutes and earning glares from a few neighbors who’d opened their doors, I grabbed my keys and hightailed my ass over to Dad’s.
Screw Thanksgiving.
I wanted Lilly.
Jenna and Brandon had given us our space, hiding out in the kitchen but Brandon was just as upset. He’d hated hiding this as much as Dad and I have. From picture frames and stories we could tell and those we couldn’t, all centered around Melissa and how awesome she was.
I’d only been able to give Lilly half of myself because without Melissa, before Lilly, that was who I’d been.
Half alive.
Lilly brought that part back out in me with her caution and her smiles and the way she gave herself to me.
And last night… the final tether holding me back frayed and snapped. I was inside of her body when she’d only given herself to one other boy before the ramifications of making love to her became a reality in my mind.
God damn it.
I’d made love to her last night. I’d needed that connection to her, to the feelings she had for me I knew were growing as obvious as knowing the sun would rise the next morning.
Except this morning? My world blew to smithereens before the sun barely breached the horizon.
“Shit.” I slammed my hands to my face as the magnitude of this wracked my body.
Even my damn bones ached.
Dad came to me and settled his hand on my shoulder cautiously. Probably afraid after all these years of playful threats to punch him, I might finally make good on them. When I didn’t shove him away, he curled his fingers around my shoulder and shook me gently. “Let’s give her some time. A day or two. We’ll figure this out and we’ll fix it. I’ll tell her everything.”
“It’s my mess to clean up.” I didn’t tell anyone why she was in my home so early this morning, but they knew. “I just… I need to see her. Know she’s okay.”
“And she will be. She’s a fighter. But let’s give her some time to cool down and then she’ll talk. I have no doubt.”
“Always so damn sure of yourself,” I muttered and finally dropped my hands to peer at him. He looked tired. Age and stress and worry had dug deep lines into his skin over the years, but this morning, he looked frailer than I’d ever seen him. “You okay?”
“I have lived a lot of years loving those who don’t believe they deserve it or refuse to reach for it. This girl is not those. She’ll understand.”
I arched a brow filled with disbelief at him.
“Eventually,” he amended and shook my shoulder again before letting go. “I feel it deep in my bones.”
It wasn’t often my dad was wrong, not about this. He had wisdom and experience and he knew Lilly better, in some ways, than even I did.
“I’ll give her a day or two.” I relented only because chasing her down would only further shove her away.
“And I’ll be the one to tell her. It’s not your mess, it’s mine and she deserves to hear it from me.”
“Dad—”
“No.” He cut me off with a shake of his head and a lifted hand. “I pulled you into this. I was there all those nights Melissa came to me. I’ll tell her and explain.”
“You’ve been through enough.”
“And it’s not your job to protect me. I’ll take care of this.”
I squeezed my eyes closed. So much damn emotion in the last twenty-four hours, it threatened to undo me. When I opened them again, I voiced my largest fear. “What if she doesn’t?”
Dad gripped the back of my neck and yanked me close to him. “If you love her, you’ll get her to. I already told you that. I have no doubt you can do it. That you are the man, maybe the only one, capable of doing it.”
Dad always had so much trust and faith in me, it was overwhelming. Today, it was what I needed.
I loved her.
I could fix this.
Easy as that.
The vivid memory of the shattered look on her face, the pain that rolled off her like an avalanche was what drew me to the fifth floor.
All day, I couldn’t escape it. Today had been the worst Thanksgiving since Melissa’s death. Where we sat around with fake smiles and tears in our eyes all while we were all lost in our heads, kicking our own asses. No one harder than me. It was a wonder my ass wasn’t bruised and sore.
This morning, she hadn’t come to the door at all.
I could listen to Dad. Let him do things his way, but hadn’t that gotten us into this mess? If we had been honest with her from the beginning like I’d wanted, all of this could have been avoided.
But then would we have her? Would I have her?
I settled my hand on her door. Quietly so she didn’t know I was outside her home, losing my mind because there was no way she’d allow me to help her and comfort her and take all the pain I threw at her away from her.
You lied.
She’d sounded so tortured when she said it. Her face one of shock, like she couldn’t believe me of all people could cause her so much pain. The mere memory of it lacerated my heart.
There was no sound or light or sign of life from behind her door. No stirring of movement. There was only the sense of vast emptiness coming through the thick wood door which was fitting.