“I do, actually. Dr. Paul has helped me a lot these past few weeks. Maybe we could see a different therapist and work on our communication. Especially because of what happened. We haven’t really processed everything. Don’t you miss him? At all?”
Ryan took a sharp inhalation but stayed quiet for the longest time. I didn’t think he was going to answer me, but then the faintest “yes” came.
“He misses you, too,” I said quietly. “He misses us. We promised him it wouldn’t change anything, but that’s exactly what happened. And he’s getting the short end of the stick because it’s easy to blame everything on him. To shut him out. But it’s not his fault. We asked him for this, Ryan. And just so you know, he doesn’t know what to do with any of his feelings either. And with him getting ready to sell the house . . . it’s just putting more stress on the situation because he feels like he’s about to lose us completely. And he loves us both, Ryan.”
“What does that even mean? What am I supposed to do with all that?”
“I don’t know.”
“Do you wish the three of us were still sleeping together?”
“Maybe it’s best not to go down that path tonight. It’s been a long day and we’re both tired. Can we talk about that tomorrow?”
For once, he nodded instead of pushed. Then he wrapped me in his arms and kissed the top of my head. “I figured out how to share your body once, Liv. I don’t know if I can figure out how to share your heart.”
Within a few minutes, Ryan was asleep, and I lay staring at the ceiling, more confused than ever. This summer we’d opened Pandora’s box but had no clue what to do about it now. Did we shove everything back inside and act like it never happened? Try to hide the damn box, and go on with our lives? Or keep it wide open, giving in to a pleasure that both terrified and completed us all at once?
I didn’t have an answer. But all night long, my body chose the last option over and over again. I woke up the next morning sad to find it was all just a dream.
Chapter Four
Brighton
THE REST OF the week was a blur. Olivia finished staging the house and the backyard patio. It was one of the most beautiful homes I’d ever created, and I wasn’t ready to let it go. Maybe that was because it wasn’t just my creation this time. It was the marriage of mine and Olivia’s creativity on every wall, in every room, and in every detail. And it all worked together effortlessly—kind of like us.
It was Friday morning, and I was reviewing paperwork in the kitchen, getting ready for the open house. I was hopeful we’d have an offer over the weekend. After that, I had no clue what I was going to do. I had other projects on the horizon, but I longed for a break to process everything that happened this summer. Though, deep inside, I knew there was no break long enough to purge Olivia and Ryan from my system.
“The house looks amazing.”
I turned, surprised to see Ryan standing there.
“Thanks,” I said, leaning back to stretch.
“Can we talk?” he asked.
“Sure. Here?”
“Maybe out back?”
We headed to the backyard, sitting under the pergola. The hopeful vines were already climbing its sides, eager to see which would reach the top first. I wished I were going to be around long enough to find out.
“Look, I’m just gonna cut to the chase, okay? I figure we’ve been through too much to sit here and BS each other.”
That was an understatement. “I’d expect nothing less.”
He nodded but didn’t rush right into whatever was eating at him. I’d give him the space to work out whatever he needed to get off his chest.
“Liv and I talked.”
Oh. Shit.
The air was still and quiet around us. Ryan gripped the arm of his chair.
“Give me one reason not to deck you, Kerrington.”
“You have every right to.”
He looked at me, surprised.
“What? You’re not wrong. I deserve it,” I said.
“I asked just one thing of you.”
“I know. I’m sorry, Ryan.”
“Are you, though?”
I was quiet. Did I regret sleeping with Olivia? No. I didn’t. As much of a dick as that made me, I’d never regret being with her. “I’m sorry it hurt you.”
“At least we’re starting to be honest.”
“Look, I know it sounds contrite, but I don’t want our friendship to end just because Liv and I fucked up.”
“Interesting choice of words.”
“God! You know what I mean.”
“Where did you fuck her?”
“I’m not—”
“If you want me to forgive you, I have to know, Kerrington. I don’t want any more goddamn secrets between any of us.”
I ran a hand over my face and sighed. “Fine. It was in the library.”
“In your house or mine?”
“Mine.”
Ryan nodded. “Show me.”
“What? No. You already know what happened. It’s just a room.”
“It’s not just a room, Kerrington. It’s where Olivia broke her vows to me.”
“That’s not fair.”
“You’re talking to me about fair?” he grunted. “So much for bro code.”
“Really, Ryan? This isn’t college.”
“I asked you not to sleep with her!”
“That was before you shared her with me,” I said quietly.
“Get up,” he growled.
I stood, squaring off with him. If he needed to hit me to feel better, so be it.
“Show me the goddamn room.”
“I don’t think you really want to see where—”
“You screwed my wife behind my back?”
I clenched my jaw, crossing my arms over my chest. “What does this prove? What good will it do to know?”
“I went to your library that day, Kerrington! You weren’t there. So, where the fuck were you?” he yelled. He shoved my chest, but not hard enough to move my body.
“Fine. Come on.”
I was done with this. I had an open house to get ready for. I led him up to the library, then opened the secret door. Ryan stood there with his arms crossed, his jaw clenched tight as I revealed the hidden room.
“You brought her up here so you could screw in private? You sure this wasn’t planned out all along?”
“No, you asshole. She was crying after your fight. You scared the shit out of her, losing control like that. She was shaken. So, I was trying to distract her—”
“Yeah, I bet.”
“By showing her the book I was holding aside for you, jerk.”
I walked into the room, my body aching for Olivia all over again. I gripped the stairs as I searched for the book. I finally found where Olivia had stashed it on one of the shelves. I hadn’t been back since that afternoon, and the visceral memory of being inside her flooded over me, dropping me to my knees emotionally. I could still smell a faint trace of her citrus perfume and hoped Ryan didn’t come any closer.
I stepped out of the small room and shoved the book at Ryan. “My uncle had a lot of first-edition books. This was my favorite in high school. I thought you might’ve read it, too.”